SELF-IMPROVEMENT

Sorry, Not Sorry!

Day 3, 50 questions for deep self-reflection

This is day 3 of the 50 Questions for Deep Self-Reflection challenge from Know Thyself Heal Thyself created by Diana C.

DAY THREE: How can you learn to forgive people for treating you poorly whilst continuing to uphold the boundaries you set in response to their poor treatment?

Here we go. I knew something like this was coming. Wow. Ummm, this is is going to be interesting.

I think I need to break this one down.

1. How can I learn to forgive people…
2. for treating me badly
3. whilst continuing to uphold the boundaries I set
4. in response to their poor treatment

As always, I’m trusted my intuition to guide me to where I need to explore by accepting the first thought or challenge it throws at me. I don’t think about these questions when I first read them, I just read them and take note of the images, sounds, thoughts, and feelings that come up. Even when it doesn’t seem to make sense, I know it will. This time though, it makes perfect sense.

1. How can I learn to forgive people WHO? The mother.
2. for treating me badly HOW? Expecting me to be the source of her happiness
3. whilst continuing to uphold the boundaries I set WHAT? Holding hard boundaries of communication
4. in response to their poor treatment WHY? So that I can be unapologetically me and embrace my own happiness.

So let’s reword that now that I have all of the components:

How can I learn to forgive the mother for expecting me to be the source of her happiness whilst continuing to have no communication so that I can be unapologetically myself and find my own happiness?

Well, that didn’t get very deep at all, right? Where is that sarcastic font type when you need it? I’ve written an article previously on boundaries and I went into the situation with the mother so if you want some background, here it is:

I that article, I wrote:

I realized that my entire persona was created from expectation.

I feel like this is quite paramount in the question of the day for it is expectation that fights with boundaries. And I am still fighting within myself to allow myself to let go of expectations and trust myself to know what I want and what I need. I’m fighting with myself to find what happiness means for me.

I could ‘blame’ the mother all I want, but what good does that do other than to disown my own self-empowerment? No, if I want to learn to forgive the mother, I have to start by forgiving myself. And only then can I let go of the guilt and shame of not being good enough to fulfill the role of happiness provider. Only then can I let go of the lingering need to serve and only then can I truly embrace and accept that I am exactly where I need to be. Only then, can I move forward and become unapologetically me.

Whatever that means. It’s a journey but I’m figuring it out.

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