So I Married a Cishet Man

Summary

The author, a trans-masc individual, reflects on their past 13-year relationship and marriage with a cishet man, which ended after both struggled with childhood traumas and personal identity, leading the author to embrace their true gender identity and sexual orientation.

Abstract

The article "So I Married a Cishet Man" by KP-the-Writer is a personal narrative detailing the complexities of a past relationship. The author, who identifies as trans-masc, recounts entering a seemingly straight relationship with a cishet man due to mutual emotional unreadiness and shared childhood traumas. Over 13 years, the couple navigated a deep connection, eventually marrying, yet the author's internal struggles with gender identity and sexual orientation remained unaddressed. The marriage ended after eight months, and the author has since pursued a career as a writer and petsitter, while also preparing to start testosterone. The author expresses contentment with their current life and the journey they've undertaken to live authentically.

Opinions

The author expresses a sense of irony and self-awareness regarding their past relationship, highlighting the incongruence between their gender identity and the heteronormative appearance of their marriage.
There is an underlying sentiment of settling for comfort and convenience in the relationship, rather than a deep romantic connection.
The author acknowledges the lack of readiness to confront personal issues at the time of the relationship, which played a role in their decision to marry.
Despite the marriage's brevity and the subsequent divorce, the author harbors no apparent ill will towards their ex-partner and even shares a positive update about his life post-divorce.
The author's current pride in their identity and journey is evident, as they enthusiastically anticipate starting testosterone and fully embracing their trans-masc and gay identity.

Oops, my bad

In my defense, at the time, neither of us ‘knew’ I was neither a woman nor straight. Not sure how he feels about that because quite frankly, he’ll probably never know.

Yes, I’m trans-masc and I was married to a man in a seemingly straight relationship. Excuse me while I gag a little more.

We met when I was 19 and I crap you not, the reason we initially got together was that he gave good hugs and I wasn’t doing anything else. The truth was, we both settled. At the time, we were both messed up from childhood traumas neither of us was ready to face and it was convenient and easy to, just be together.

We were together for 13 years. We were engaged around the 10-year mark because in his words — I put in 10 years with him, he probably should marry me. So damn romantic, but you know what, I was ok with that. I didn’t like all that gushy girly crap. Hmmm… I wonder why (SIGNS, SIGNS, SIGNS).

It was another two years before we were married on the beach, with no family and no shoes — which was perfect! 8 months later, it was doneskies.

We did that classic thing — try to fix the problem by marrying it. It never works. Anyway, fast forward another 13 years and last I knew he was married with three step kids, living in Vegas, and had a job he loves.

Me, I’m a full-time writer, full-time petsitter (which means I travel all over Australia and live in other peoples' houses and look after their animals while they take holidays or whatevs), and, I’m trans-masc on the cusp of starting T.

I’m also Gay AF!

I freakin’ love this crazy journey!

RELATIONSHIPS

So I Married a Cishet Man

Oops, my bad

About Me — KP-the-Writer

Podcaster, writer, and queer, oh my

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