Optimism Good, Pessimism Bad
Should ‘Nay Sayers’ Shut Up?
10 Ways To Be A Yay Sayer
Recently I came across this story about the power of boosting:
In the article, the author celebrates how a writer made over $2,000 dollars for a single boost. She then champions Medium’s new Boost Phenomenon and fires a passing shot at certain people she calls ‘nay sayers.’
She writes:
“Instead of listening to the naysayers and doomsters, the Boost is a great new chapter in the history of Medium…”
Now recently I spoke about my depressing experience of being boosted three times in a row only to make a sum total of $20 dollars all up for my efforts. The piece goes on to lament how difficult it is to make money on Medium. I gave it a dramatic title:
And if that dark opera wasn’t bad enough, I wrote about it again in this sharp rant below:
It got me thinking:
Am I one of these ‘nay sayers’ who should be avoided like the plague by aspiring new Medium writers with rainbows of hope in their eyes?
So I decided something must be done about this bad habit asap: I would pick myself by my bootstraps, proactively stick a sock in my mouth, and learn to smile during all those thousands of special moments when life dumps buckets of horse shit all over my unsuspecting, gullible face.
When life goes low, you go smiling sky high. When life hands you an eviction notice, you return the favor with a sugar raisin cookie.
How the fuck would I pull this off? I’m glad you asked. Here is my strategy or list of 10 ways on how to avoid being a nay sayer.
- When you receive your $20 for your three boosts, pretend it is really $6,000 dollars (2k per boost). If anyone asks to see proof of receipt, give them the middle finger (with a smile on your face, of course).
- Write a ten minute fictional piece about how you made $6k for three boosts, with an accompanying Unsplash image of someone rolling around and laughing in a shit load of money. So many people will read it and believe you that you will begin to believe it yourself.
- If you catch yourself telling the truth, find the nearest hammer and smash your hand with it. This will teach you to never tell the truth again.
- Tell yourself only grumps, failures, and losers are nay sayers.
- Tell yourself only sissies and whistleblowers tell the truth.
- Tell yourself telling the truth is bad for the stock market.
- Tell yourself winners, heroes, and Trumps are Yay Sayers. (It is not an accident I capitalize Yay Sayers and not nay sayers.)
- Anytime someone is just about to break some brutally bad news to you, plug your ears and start singing Happiness Is A Warm Gun. (Yes it is.)
- Next time you get an April Fool’s gift of a Stripe Payment of $86 dollars for your 50k views and 20k reads in your most successful month writing for Medium, slam down your laptop shut, call your partner on your mobile, and tell them you just made $25,000 dollars and that you will booking some five star dining joint tonight to celebrate. Doing is believing.
- Next time life hands a leftover dish with mold growing on it, instead of your natural gut reaction of saying ‘nay,’ stand up so everyone can hear you, and shout at the top of your lungs, ‘YAY!’
© Carlo Zeno 2023
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Thank you to The Haven for having the stomach to publish satire and negativity. Check out these two brilliant nay saying pieces from Captain Obvious and Michael Burg, MD (Satire Sommelier) below 👇
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