Ann James’s Deluded Custodian’s April Challenge
The Catastrophe Of Monday
Still broke off the back of three boosts
I came spilling into Monday like an accident
running late, half- eaten oatmeal in my hair
toothpaste all over my face
fuck it, I’ve got KPIs I need to fulfill
my coworkers are counting on me
I am fucking important, you see
not just Medium’s punching bag, begging
for two or three dollar dopamine boosts —
and, yeah, I mean the real boost
that fabled statistic- inflater
with Coach Tony creds written all over it
I got that boost
three in a row, three poems, (drum roll)
doesn’t quite buy me three coffees
how’s that for murdering mystique? —
no, I get a bigger better boost
shoveling shit within the four walls
of a corporation where green plants go to die
you see, I am the goddamn complaints maestro
my boss relies on me to crush their requests
for refunds and escalation, to protect
his lazy overpaid ass
from having to lift a fucking finger
while I hold the fort down
for pocket change, which, by the way
looks like a CEO’s salary next to Medium
dot com, hashtag living the fucking dream
where the real Hunger Games take place
despite what Mark Suroviec, M.Ed.
tells you — so, do you have a crucifixion complex?
write your guts out for a boost
so we can throw pennies at you
like that insolent crowd outside the cage
paying to see Kafka’s Hunger Artist starve
you won’t even be able to buy
Lucy Dan 蛋小姐 three new eggs
or Big Daddy Patrick Eades a babysitter
let alone a newly hunted down hat for Smillew
© Carlo Zeno 2023
This is a response to Ann James’s deluded custodians' challenge, which you can find right here:
Even Top Parenting Writer, Patrick Eades, managed to put a sock in his baby’s mouth long enough to enter a zinger of his own:
Lastly, thank you to Jason Provencio for continuing to provide this space for the spontaneous and unexpected.
Here’s one for the road:
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