Sex as an Exercise of Female Creativity
A whole new reason to have sex (not that we needed one)
As a woman, I learned early on that any engagement I had with my sexuality should only be indulged in for a “ good reason.” Women aren’t supposed to have sex just to have sex. Or watch porn just for our own sexual gratification. Or masturbate just for funsies.
Female sexuality is somewhat excusable so long as it takes place with another person, in a loving, virtuous, monogamous relationship that is either marriage or leading to marriage. It’s somewhat excusable if we masturbate for a lover’s gratification more than for our own. And it’s definitely excusable if we engage in sexual activity solely for the purposes of reproduction.
Of course, one of the most important lessons I’m trying to teach myself in my forties is that women don’t ever have to have a “good reason” for engaging in sexual activity.
Or rather, that indulging in our desire to experience pleasure is a good reason.
Despite that belief I’m nurturing, I also want to explore “outside the box” reasons for engaging in sexual activity. I like the idea of confronting the moralization of female sexuality by creating a whole library of “good reasons” to pursue female sexual fulfillment.
And I’ve recently found a whole new, exceptionally exciting reason, thanks to Sarene B. Arias’s recent (and amazing) article on sexuality. Something about it made me think: What if sexual engagement is a way for women to express their creativity?
Though you wouldn’t know it by the way our culture stereotypes women and female sexuality, women are actually exceptionally creative sexual beings. Many of us are made to believe that women tend to be low-key when it comes to sex and desire, that we are highly monogamously-minded, and that we don’t really like sex that much so we’ll saddle up for our men, take a few rides over the years, and slowly lose interest in sex as soon as our childbearing responsibilities have been met.
As I have gotten into my 40s, I’ve learned that this couldn’t be further from the truth. It might still be common for many women to follow this path (thanks to cultural pressure), but often, it does not reflect who we are as sexual beings or what we want.
I know this is shocking for some men to hear, but the truth is, women get bored with same-old sex, and even monogamy. The more studies and articles that come out on this, the more I nod with enthusiasm.
I know from experience what it’s like to feel trapped in the predictable rhythms of a relationship and the too-often repeated steps of an overly-choreographed sex life.
I wanted so much more. I wanted creativity. I wanted vitality.
But I didn’t know how to get that.
In recent years, I’ve learned how to engage my sexuality more in my creative work — for instance, with my self-portraits. But now I’m interested in the concept of using my actual, physical engagement with my sexuality as artistic expression.
For the past few years, I’ve been experimenting with the idea of masturbation as an art form. I realize that might sound silly, but honestly, I think it’s the bare minimum of what women deserve in a culture that systematically suppresses our sexuality.
The beauty of it is that you’re alone and therefore can get past a lot of the usual inhibitions and use everything in your “paint box” to create the sexual experience you want to create.
How do you want to vocally express yourself? What lines do you want to make with your body? How do you want to choreograph this solo dance?
What does your pleasure look like? Sound like? Feel like?
You get to create the tableau of your desire and its fulfillment and not have to worry about body image issues or deeply internalized sexual shame.
Just the other day, I was having a little fun with myself in the shower (something I don’t do often enough), hovering in goddess pose during a lovely, slippery climax that made my thighs tremble like butterfly wings. I thought what a glorious piece of art that moment would make — not the ugly shower or utilitarian shower head held at a strategic angle, but the spread legs of the female body, open to receiving all the energy of the earth below her, rivulets of water streaking down breasts and belly. Stunning.
These past few years, I’ve enjoyed this self-exploration so much, this “woman at the mercy of her own pleasure” artistic revelation, but I haven’t much ventured outside that (thanks in large part to the pandemic).
Now I wonder, how else can I express my creativity through sex?
Our partners are our collaborative artists. We already have infinite expressions of sexual creativity as individuals, but imagine the endless expansion of that when we involve others. (What a lovely argument to encourage those who want to experiment with more people to go out and do it!)
Together, we can make symphonies with our moans and groans, our yeses and pleases. And don’t forget the background percussion of skin slapping together, mattress springs squeaking, and headboards hitting walls.
We get to create moving tableaux vivants with the angles and curves of our bodies, the light that spills into the room from windows or candles, and the positioning of sheets, pillows, and discarded clothing.
Drunk, high, trippin’, sober… We can choose our consciousness and how those states affect our body and its sensations. (Check out #4 on Ena Dahl’s list of 2020's sexual highlights.)
Do we want to channel someone else? Recreate a scene from a movie, TV show, or even a painting? Do we want to wear makeup in a style different from our day-to-day face? A wig? Fox ears?
What other ways can we create a work of art with every act of sex?
Women, I think, are particularly lucky. What a blessing that we were made such incredibly creative sexual beings. No, what a miracle.
We are shapeshifters. Containers of spiritual potential. Manifesters of physical reality.
We are the sole owners of an organ that exists only for pleasure.
Clearly, we were made to be sexual artists, using our bodies (and our pleasure) as our canvas.
© Yael Wolfe 2021
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