Self Growth (3)

Summary

Georgiana Petec reflects on the challenging balance between self-acceptance and self-improvement, acknowledging the slow process of changing decades of negative self-talk and the conscious effort required to embrace kindness and gentleness towards oneself.

Abstract

The author, Georgiana Petec, shares her personal journey of grappling with the balance between self-acceptance and self-improvement. She admits that her newfound focus on self-improvement is a slow and difficult process, especially after years of self-criticism. Petec compares her previous drive for achievement, whether in climbing trees, mountains, or in her corporate career, to her current priority of cultivating a friendly relationship with herself. She emphasizes the importance of replacing negative thoughts with positive ones and the ongoing effort to maintain consciousness and mindfulness in her daily life. Despite the enormity of her task, which includes parenting and maintaining her relationship with her partner, Petec finds joy and excitement in her progress, viewing it as a rewarding contract with life.

Opinions

The author views her past behavior of self-criticism as an entrenched bad habit that requires significant effort and time to overcome.
She equates her previous pursuit of external achievements with climbing, which brought boredom upon reaching the summit, indicating a shift towards internal growth.
Petec emphasizes the difficulty of transforming unconscious negative patterns into conscious positive actions, likening it to dismantling and rebuilding thought by thought.
She expresses a change in priorities, now valuing kindness, smiles, and gentle thoughts over material orderliness and external success.
The author takes pride in her ability to rely on herself and is optimistic about her progress in self-growth, despite it being infinitesimal.
Petec acknowledges the influence of her personal growth on her roles as a parent and partner, suggesting that her self-improvement efforts have a ripple effect on her relationships.
She conveys a sense of enthusiasm and excitement about the continuous work of self-improvement, framing it as an extraordinary contract with life that she is determined to excel at.

Friday: How do you balance self-acceptance and self-improvement?

I’ve been trying to wrap my head around this all day. It’s a tough question with an uneasy answer.

My work for self-improvement has begun in earnest quite recently and because I am so new at it and so used to go the other way, chastise rather than praise, it’s a very slow process. Slower than snail pace. I’m proud that I am consciously attempting to give it the time it deserves.

Decades of entrenched bad habits — yes, rallying negative thoughts against myself at every blink of an eye and then letting them simmer and party at my expense had become my routine — need time to be eliminated and replaced, even my almost obliterated self figured that one out.

Now balancing self-improvement, that’s where the hiccups come and get a hold of me. I’ve always been a climber. I stopped climbing trees after being stuck at the top of a tall cherry tree (age maybe 6 or 8) for a few good hours — at the time I could count it in trains, and there were at least 7, some going by hourly, a few freight trains passing by every half an hour or so. I’ve proceeded to climb mountains instead.

Basically I always had to reach the top, be it physically or mentally. As soon as I did, I got severely bored and had to find myself another mountain. I’ve been a corporate climber for 20 years. As soon as I stopped and decided to pursue fitness, I did it there too, dug my heels in deep and proceeded to climb at rapid speed. To become the shining star you have to rise, and I did. That’s all I knew.

The self I’m trying to coax into becoming my friend, my dear friend, my best friend these days, is taking her time. The priorities are so different now: the thoughts, the words, the actions count more than the boxes still lined up on corridors or in closets, the dust that attempts to pile up or the mountains of laundry mockingly asking for a climb.

My routines involve kindness first, then smiles, gentle thoughts caressing the self, pushing out the berating avalanches hustling in with every chance they get. It’s unbelievably hard to turn unconsciousness into consciousness, and I have to do it, dismantle and rebuild, thought by thought.

On top of that there’s parenting and my relationship with my partner. They come next, so my work is enormous, but somehow, this gives me pleasure. I’m enthusiastic and excited thinking of this ongoing work — every second, every minute, continuous.

Relying on myself is something I have always known. I’ve always been good at it. These days I get the opportunity to do it arm in arm with the once-forever-dissatisfied self now smiling and obliging. I record progress and even though infinitesimal, it’s exhilarating, as if I was awarded the most extraordinary contract with life and it’s entirely up to me to be the best at this new job.

Thank you so much for reading.

Many many thanks to 𝘋𝘪𝘢𝘯𝘢 𝘊. for This Week’s Prompt: 14–18.12 :

Self Growth (3)

Friday: How do you balance self-acceptance and self-improvement?

Self Growth

Monday: How do you measure personal growth? How do you know when you’ve grown as a person?

Self Growth (2)

Wednesday: What emotions do you find it hardest to accept within yourself?

This Week’s Prompt: 14–18.12

3 days of reflection