Self Discovery

Pondering from my UES writing cave

So, Timothy Key tagged me in this writing prompt that originated from Keno Ogbo asking a series of questions regarding the lockdown, social distancing, NY PAUSE and the general timeout in the action.

Like Mr. Key, I’m not usually one for writing prompts either. In my former life as an agency leader, I usually wrote the Q&As for other people to answer…ha. I’m on a kick where I’m trying to publish once a day and I already attacked a topic with psychology, sociology and neuroscience research today — so I can bang this out.

Unlike many others, I have not been bored by my temporary isolation from the world. My answers below will shed a little light on exactly why that is (warning: I tend to overshare).

1. What have you missed the most during lockdown.

I miss going to the gym and more frequent human, face-to-face and unmasked contact. I had started hitting the gym hard in the two months before the lockdown (probably too hard…I think I messed up my knees trying to squat too much weight).

I too am a soccer fan. Given that Tottenham Hotspur is my squad and they were on a downward spiral, I am actually pleased that the English Premier League was halted. It has been a painful, painful season.

Oh. Also I miss golf and getting a periodic massage. I quit drinking last year so getting a massage and buying a ton of books at Barnes & Noble had become my wild weekend night out.

2. What’s the best thing about being in lockdown? My schedule has been mostly free to use as I see fit. I do not mind being alone at all. My mind could keep me occupied for quite a bit longer of this actually.

Throughout the course of this lockdown, I have been exclusively focused on reading a mountain of books (from my compulsive purchasing prior to lock down…lots of psychology, philosophy, sociology, personal growth, etc.).

It also enabled me to finally start writing for myself. To explain, I have a masters in journalism from Syracuse. In 2004, I went straight to the dark side and worked in-house for an insurance company and then three different PR agencies. I primarily led external corporate communications work for Fortune 500 companies (spanning med device, tech, finance, insurance, data analytics).

The hours were completely brutal. I often worked around the clock, stretched well beyond capacity and working through a series of extremely difficult circumstances. For more on that, read the article below.

Net net I took a big mental-health timeout from everything last fall, and I decided that there was more to life then grinding myself down in high stress situations for someone else’s dime. Ten years agency side is more than enough for a lifetime. I’ve decided to go back to get an MSW at NYU and use my communications talents (and therapy experience) to help people recover from mental health and substance use disorder. You can read more about that transformation in this article about civility in a time of coronavirus.

3. What has been the worst thing about being in lockdown? I had a friend who passed away from alcoholism in the second week of lockdown. My friends and I were not able to participate in a funeral (though we held a Zoom memorial). My mother also ended up in the hospital in California for a month, and I could not visit her during her treatment.

4. Who would you have liked to host in your home during the lockdown and why? Hmm. Cuomo might be interesting for a chat. I could give him some zingers to use in his press conferences.

5. What have you discovered about yourself in lockdown? That I have the strength, perseverance and courage to actually start a new career when I graduate at 40 and write a book — this has been a life goal of mine, which I put on hold as a result of mental exhaustion in my previous roles.

6. What did you eat (or drink) the most during the lockdown? Iced Red eyes (that’s coffee with a shot of espresso). Many. Everyday. I also have a wall of Pure La Croix in the kitchen.

Also a smoothie and a Sweetgreen salad everyday. I’ve been told that I need to mix it up. I say if it ain’t broke…

7. Apart from sleeping and working what activities did you undertake the most during the lockdown? No working for me. I’m job free. Reading and writing with walks every now and then. That and just sitting with my thoughts and processing my feelings.

8. Will you come out of lockdown heavier or lighter? I will weigh more physically and am weaker strength-wise. I will, however, be light as a feather spiritually. Writing is helping me to exorcise some demons, share some lessons that I’ve learned and add my individual truth to the collective narrative of the world.

9. What resource has helped you most during the lockdown? My decision to stop watching television almost entirely. For the first week, I watched the news around the clock (habit for a PR guy). Even though it was on low volume in the background…the negativity, hyperbole, angry politicians started to seep into my mind.

Books and writing. Daily walks. Conversations with friends from time to time.

10. What is your top tip for other people in lockdown right now? Control only what you can — which is yourself. You can’t control anything beyond what is right in front of you.

Find an outlet for emotion. Find some productive, goal-bound habit to sublimate your stress, sadness, extra energy, etc.

Significantly limit news coverage. As someone trained in journalism who had watched the industry scramble to survive the digital transition, I think that some of the reporting going on is highly disappointing. There has been a lot of coverage for shock value and to capture attention.

Do not try to make sense of anything political going on in the country right now. Trying to apply reason and logic to the polarized squabbling, the confirmation bias arguments, is an absolute waste of time and mental capacity.

Here is a piece I wrote about anxiety, and how I’ve worked through that.

11. How has lockdown changed you? I feel that I have found my voice. I have been working hard in therapy ever since my timeout last fall. I think all the pieces have come together during this period, and I am ready to emerge as the authentic self I had hidden away beneath masks throughout my professional career and early adulthood.

12. If you were to leave a ‘message in a bottle’ for the future, what would you say? Don’t be afraid to sell some stocks when the market is set to take an obvious downturn. Cash isn’t a bad position; especially if you are looking for access to those funds in a time span of less than 10 years.

And more generic advice; save money aggressively or live austerely enough (or likely a combination of the two) that you can travel extensively. You never know when you are going to be “put on restriction”.

One last question, where are you? NYC’s Upper East Side. A few blocks from the MET. Here are a few pictures from my walks recently.

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