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Abstract

ggering me for some reason. I would go as far as to say it might be even igniting some jealousy inside me. <i>Why am I feeling this way?</i></p><p id="cf8b">I should be judging myself but I don’t want to. If I feel something, I feel it. I’m not hurting anyone. And I have nothing against my friends and acquaintances. I’m happy for them. But seeing all of them so well put together makes me feel insecure and jealous.</p><p id="14ef">What’s hilarious is that this article would have made more sense if I wrote it as a 30 something. That’s usually the age when most people have settled down and started families. But drum roll: I’m only 24.</p><p id="7abf">I shouldn’t be so surprised. In Pakistan, being married by my age is very common. In fact, I rebelled and fought against my parent’s who wanted me to be married by 22. But I never gave in. I always wanted control over my own life. Whether that be my career choices or love life.</p><p id="c51f">It’s my life and I should have complete reign over it. Not my parents, or society.</p><p id="2d32">On one hand, I’m glad to be living life on my own terms. On the other hand, seeing all my friends get married makes me sad and makes me feel left out. Like I’m doing something wrong. Like I need to be on the same level as them.</p><p id="fe8a">It’s almost as if I’m craving social acceptance. To be a part of the herd so that I feel less alone and feel more like I belong somewhere.</p><p id="8bce">But feelings are fleeting. I do feel left out, I do feel alone, I do feel envious. My feelings are valid. But at the end of the day, I know I’m doing the right thing. I made a decision to stay as far away from the marriage culture of Pakistan as possible, and I intend to keep that promise.</p><p id="dd6b">I know I’ll be happier in the long run if I stay true to myself, and marry when I’m ready, mentally and spiritually. But now is not the time. And I choose to marry for love. Not who my parents choose for me.</p><p id="ce78">Today, as I write this. I’m telling myself that it’s okay to feel envious of other girls who are settling down with their significant others and seemingly have their lives sorted out.</p><p id="8c12">It’s

Options

okay to want to fit into the crowd, even if their values don’t align with yours.</p><p id="c790">It’s okay to stand up to your parents, society, and culture, even if you feel scared and guilty deep down inside.</p><p id="15c8">It’s okay to want love and affection, even if you’re not ready for marriage.</p><p id="e186">One day my 30-year-old self is going to thank my 24-year-old self for not settling and getting married out of the fear of being alone or out of wanting to feel accepted in society.</p><p id="0e84">Because my 30-year-old self is going to be very happy. She will be living life on her own terms, she will be free, she will remain true to herself, and she’ll be in the arms of a man she truly loves, with all of her heart and soul.</p><p id="36e2">And that is something worth fighting for.</p><p id="6403"><b>Thank you for reading. If you liked what you read, you might also enjoy reading these:</b></p><div id="ac21" class="link-block"> <a href="https://readmedium.com/the-anxious-thoughts-that-come-up-when-youre-in-a-relationship-a71e61750e97"> <div> <div> <h2>The Anxious Thoughts That Come Up When You’re In A Relationship</h2> <div><h3>Sensitive people can relate</h3></div> <div><p>medium.com</p></div> </div> <div> <div style="background-image: url(https://miro.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:320/0*gRpBdu4KiIKleblf)"></div> </div> </div> </a> </div><div id="8cd8" class="link-block"> <a href="https://byrslf.co/a-job-interviewer-asked-me-when-i-planned-on-getting-married-453a1f092677"> <div> <div> <h2>A Job Interviewer Asked Me When I Planned On Getting Married</h2> <div><h3>As if that was any of his business</h3></div> <div><p>byrslf.co</p></div> </div> <div> <div style="background-image: url(https://miro.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:320/0*IqffR_YNkIuSsjIF)"></div> </div> </div> </a> </div></article></body>

Seeing All My Friends Getting Married Is Making Me Depressed

Is it jealousy?

Every day, I go on social media to carry on with my mindless scrolling. We are creatures of habit after all.

I scroll down a bit and I come across a photo of my friend or someone I know, adorned in a beautiful bridal dress, a huge smile on her face, holding hands with her husband. She looks so happy, as she should be. It’s her marriage after all.

It’s all I’ve been seeing on my social media. Every single day without fail. Almost everyone I know has gotten engaged or hitched. What really struck me was that out of all of my university friends, I’m now the only one left who isn’t engaged or married.

I don’t want to divulge details about my romantic life just yet, but I will once I’m ready. But the point is, that I’ve seen so many marriages in this pandemic than at any other point in my life. It has left me baffled.

Let’s not talk about how having marriage ceremonies in the pandemic is highly irresponsible because that’s a discussion for another time. I’m from Pakistan and people seldom care about these things.

Also, considering Lockdown restrictions aren’t as tight in Pakistan as compared to other countries, Pakistani people are going to carry on with what they know best: holding grand weddings.

Although I’m the only one out of my friends who aren’t engaged/married, I have no intention of marrying so soon. In fact, I have reservations about married life in Pakistan in general. I also wrote about it which you can read here.

But seeing everyone around me getting settled in their lives is triggering me for some reason. I would go as far as to say it might be even igniting some jealousy inside me. Why am I feeling this way?

I should be judging myself but I don’t want to. If I feel something, I feel it. I’m not hurting anyone. And I have nothing against my friends and acquaintances. I’m happy for them. But seeing all of them so well put together makes me feel insecure and jealous.

What’s hilarious is that this article would have made more sense if I wrote it as a 30 something. That’s usually the age when most people have settled down and started families. But drum roll: I’m only 24.

I shouldn’t be so surprised. In Pakistan, being married by my age is very common. In fact, I rebelled and fought against my parent’s who wanted me to be married by 22. But I never gave in. I always wanted control over my own life. Whether that be my career choices or love life.

It’s my life and I should have complete reign over it. Not my parents, or society.

On one hand, I’m glad to be living life on my own terms. On the other hand, seeing all my friends get married makes me sad and makes me feel left out. Like I’m doing something wrong. Like I need to be on the same level as them.

It’s almost as if I’m craving social acceptance. To be a part of the herd so that I feel less alone and feel more like I belong somewhere.

But feelings are fleeting. I do feel left out, I do feel alone, I do feel envious. My feelings are valid. But at the end of the day, I know I’m doing the right thing. I made a decision to stay as far away from the marriage culture of Pakistan as possible, and I intend to keep that promise.

I know I’ll be happier in the long run if I stay true to myself, and marry when I’m ready, mentally and spiritually. But now is not the time. And I choose to marry for love. Not who my parents choose for me.

Today, as I write this. I’m telling myself that it’s okay to feel envious of other girls who are settling down with their significant others and seemingly have their lives sorted out.

It’s okay to want to fit into the crowd, even if their values don’t align with yours.

It’s okay to stand up to your parents, society, and culture, even if you feel scared and guilty deep down inside.

It’s okay to want love and affection, even if you’re not ready for marriage.

One day my 30-year-old self is going to thank my 24-year-old self for not settling and getting married out of the fear of being alone or out of wanting to feel accepted in society.

Because my 30-year-old self is going to be very happy. She will be living life on her own terms, she will be free, she will remain true to herself, and she’ll be in the arms of a man she truly loves, with all of her heart and soul.

And that is something worth fighting for.

Thank you for reading. If you liked what you read, you might also enjoy reading these: