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Abstract

ead. Many girls in their early twenties have to prepare themselves for marriage. This is problematic on so many levels because:</p><ul><li>We were never allowed to converse with boys and now have to marry them.</li><li>We never had exposure or Independence to figure out what we want from life.</li><li>The early twenties are too young of an age to figure out if you even want to marry someone.</li><li>Agree to the Marriage proposal as soon as possible. You don’t have enough time to get to know your future partner. You should take at least <i>one year</i> to know someone in and out.</li></ul><p id="f17f">Don’t we may know our partners before marrying them? And not only that, a lot of girls in their early twenties are naïve.</p><p id="5bd0">This gives some toxic men and their families the opportunity to manipulate the girls, taking away their freedom and independence.</p><h1 id="3b7b">Unrealistic expectations from the boy and the girl.</h1><p id="ff1b">There are expectations on boys to be earning high salaries otherwise they aren’t good enough.</p><p id="2f9d">Girls have to be good-looking, submissive, and know their way around the kitchen. They should be able to give up their career prospects to look after their husbands and kids.</p><p id="05e7"><i>It’s wrong on both ends.</i></p><p id="7f44">A girl should not have to give up her dreams, and career to get married. Even if she wants to, it should be her <i>own choice.</i></p><p id="cf53">Boys cannot be completely settled and secure in their 20s. It takes time.</p><h1 id="c03c">The expectation to live with In-Laws.</h1><p id="f78b">

Options

A lot of marriages in Pakistan struggle for this very reason. Couples should live on their own rather than live with the husband’s family.</p><p id="29f5">It’s toxic and leads to resentments and misunderstandings. A girl should not have to compromise and learn to accept a different way of living now that she’s in “someone else’s house.”</p><p id="427c">A couple needs their own privacy. It leads to a healthier relationship.</p><h1 id="db2c">Women under pressure to have children almost immediately after marriage.</h1><p id="13c9">The minute a woman gets married, people pressure her to have babies. Let her breathe.</p><p id="e663">She needs time with her husband. She needs time to get to know him for a while. Also, it’s her body. She can decide when she wants to have children.</p><p id="5713">Having a baby is a huge responsibility and changes your life forever. Give her some time instead of hounding her about it.</p><h1 id="b293">Choosing a spouse for superficial reasons.</h1><p id="6464">There is no compatibility. It all comes down to money, status, and looks. I wouldn’t want to partake in a marriage where my worth correlates to how pretty I am.</p><p id="0d48">One day the money and looks will fade, and then what?</p><h1 id="2ace">Parting thoughts.</h1><p id="b9f2">All opinions mentioned in this article are my own. I am not against Arranged Marriages at all, but the points mentioned above still happen. Be aware of who you’re marrying. Get to know them first. And don’t settle for someone who is choosing you for superficial reasons. Unless you’re okay with that.</p></article></body>

The Problem With Arranged Marriages

And the toxic culture that has stemmed from it

Arranged Marriages are the norm in South Asia and Pakistan (where I’m from) is no exception. They have been happening for many generations and still continue to be rampant.

I will not say Arranged Marriages are bad. As long as you’re okay with it and the guy you are marrying is a good person, it shouldn’t be a problem.

But it should be a choice. You shouldn’t force someone to agree to an Arranged Marriage because it’s the norm.

Times are changing and your biggest concern should be compatibility.

Making your parents happy, or settling for a marriage that looks perfect in the eyes of society will not make you happy in the long-term.

This article isn’t about bashing Arranged Marriages. What I’m here to discuss are the toxic repercussions that have come about from this culture.

These are some reasons I don’t like Arranged Marriages in Pakistan.

Girls under pressure to marry in their early twenties.

As a 24-year-old, the pressure of marriage continues to loom over my head. Many girls in their early twenties have to prepare themselves for marriage. This is problematic on so many levels because:

We were never allowed to converse with boys and now have to marry them.
We never had exposure or Independence to figure out what we want from life.
The early twenties are too young of an age to figure out if you even want to marry someone.
Agree to the Marriage proposal as soon as possible. You don’t have enough time to get to know your future partner. You should take at least one year to know someone in and out.

Don’t we may know our partners before marrying them? And not only that, a lot of girls in their early twenties are naïve.

This gives some toxic men and their families the opportunity to manipulate the girls, taking away their freedom and independence.

Unrealistic expectations from the boy and the girl.

There are expectations on boys to be earning high salaries otherwise they aren’t good enough.

Girls have to be good-looking, submissive, and know their way around the kitchen. They should be able to give up their career prospects to look after their husbands and kids.

It’s wrong on both ends.

A girl should not have to give up her dreams, and career to get married. Even if she wants to, it should be her own choice.

Boys cannot be completely settled and secure in their 20s. It takes time.

The expectation to live with In-Laws.

A lot of marriages in Pakistan struggle for this very reason. Couples should live on their own rather than live with the husband’s family.

It’s toxic and leads to resentments and misunderstandings. A girl should not have to compromise and learn to accept a different way of living now that she’s in “someone else’s house.”

A couple needs their own privacy. It leads to a healthier relationship.

Women under pressure to have children almost immediately after marriage.

The minute a woman gets married, people pressure her to have babies. Let her breathe.

She needs time with her husband. She needs time to get to know him for a while. Also, it’s her body. She can decide when she wants to have children.

Having a baby is a huge responsibility and changes your life forever. Give her some time instead of hounding her about it.

Choosing a spouse for superficial reasons.

There is no compatibility. It all comes down to money, status, and looks. I wouldn’t want to partake in a marriage where my worth correlates to how pretty I am.

One day the money and looks will fade, and then what?

Parting thoughts.

All opinions mentioned in this article are my own. I am not against Arranged Marriages at all, but the points mentioned above still happen. Be aware of who you’re marrying. Get to know them first. And don’t settle for someone who is choosing you for superficial reasons. Unless you’re okay with that.