avatarRoger A. Reid, Ph.D.

Summary

The article discusses the complexities and potential consequences of office romances, emphasizing the need for discretion and adherence to company policies.

Abstract

Despite company efforts to curtail workplace romance through behavioral guidelines, environmental influences, and formal policies, a significant number of employees engage in office relationships, often unaware of their company's stance on such matters. The article by Roger A. Reid explores the delicate balance between personal attraction and professional conduct, offering practical advice for those who choose to pursue a romantic relationship with a co-worker. It suggests being discreet, respecting the potential partner's autonomy, maintaining professionalism, and establishing clear rules of disengagement to manage the risks associated with an office romance. Reid also reflects on the positive outcomes of workplace relationships, citing his own successful marriage to a co-worker, while cautioning that passion should be tempered with caution and responsible judgment.

Opinions

  • The author believes that office romances are prevalent despite company attempts to minimize them.
  • Companies view romantic relationships between employees as a potential distraction and a threat to productivity.
  • It is important to be aware of and comply with company policies regarding office romances to avoid negative consequences, including termination.
  • The author advises against public displays of affection and overt sexual discussions in the workplace.
  • A first date with a co-worker should be casual and outside of work hours to avoid workplace discomfort and potential repercussions.
  • Transparency and honesty in communication are crucial when entering into or ending an office romance.
  • The author suggests that office romances can lead to long-term relationships, including marriage, but require careful handling.
  • Roger A. Reid shares his personal positive experience of marrying a co-worker, which contrasts with the potential risks highlighted in the article.

Can You Handle the Consequences of an Office Romance?

Be careful if you decide to stick your pen in the company inkwell.

Photo by Clay Banks on Unsplash

For decades, companies have used behavioral guidelines, environmental influences, and formal policies to keep their employees from engaging in flirtation, romance, and sex.

Human resource departments continue to hire independent consultants to present workshops on curtailing sexual overtures and innuendo. Periodic memos are constantly circulated to remind employees to keep explicit conversations, public displays of affection, and sexual overtures outside the office.

Has it worked?

It depends on how you measure it. I believe the level of casual flirtation is probably about the same. Even when companies institute new policies to control or eliminate it, the resulting atmosphere only appears less affected. As most will tell you, it’s still there — bubbling just under the surface.

According to an article by Kim Elsesser in Forbes , more than half of employees have engaged in an office romance, and 41% of employees don’t know their company’s policy regarding office romances.

Apparently, a considerable percentage of people working for the same company meet, become attracted to each other, and end up having consensual sex.

Some fall in love and get married. Others fall in love, get divorced, and then get married.

Here’s the big question: If tempted, what do you do?

First, consider your company’s rules and policies concerning an inter-office romance

Assuming there are strict directives for acceptable employee behavior while on company time and property, it’s also a good bet that repeated infractions can result in automatic termination — for at least one of you. However, if you’re determined to ask out that cute brunette in accounting — in spite of the risk to your career — here are some guidelines:

  • Be discrete. Don’t ask a co-worker out while you’re within earshot of someone else. It can be embarrassing for both of you. When asking, don’t gush about your pent-up feelings or use language that should be reserved for the bedroom. Simply ask the question: “Would you like to go to . . . ?”
  • If you’re turned down, don’t ask twice. It’s not only rude — it could also be considered harassment. Even though you deliver your second invitation with courtesy and respect, if the recipient of your interest becomes uncomfortable, you’ve crossed the line, and you can be held accountable for it.
  • Keep sex off the table during the first date. Make your first date a casual lunch or a cup of coffee after work. If all goes well and you both decide to indulge, explore the possibilities OUTSIDE of company time and property. Taking the secretary out to the parking lot for a “noon-er” in the backseat of your Chevy will not be appreciated by management. And if your sex partner du jour regrets the activity later, your lack of judgment WILL come back to haunt you.
  • Keep the relationship to yourself. Don’t share the fact that you’re dating a company employee. Make sure your partner understands the need for secrecy as well. Most companies consider romantic activity between employees an unwanted distraction within the workplace, affecting not only the two people involved but others who know about it. If it negatively influences office productivity, one or both of you may find yourself being transferred or terminated.
  • Agree on rules of disengagement before things get serious. If it doesn’t work out — and most of the time, it won’t — have a mutually acceptable understanding of how to break up or at least wind things down. Think of it as a dating pre-nup. If your relationship grows and you end up together in the long-term, great. If not, you’ll have some rules to help normalize your post-breakup behavior at work. Remember, if one of you loses interest and calls it off, you’ll still have to work together. And that can be a big order.

Here are a couple of suggestions to include in your pre-relationship discussion:

  1. Agree that if either party decides to call it quits, they must be honest and disclose their feelings as soon as possible.
  2. Neither of you is allowed to suddenly stop calling or radically change your behavior toward the other without a full explanation of what’s going on. Not knowing why a relationship ends only adds to the hurt and disorientation of rejection. Being honest can also help reduce the animosity and outright hostility the injured party can feel toward the other.

The mid-twentieth century adage of “Don’t stick your pen into the company inkwell,” was an early attempt to warn employees (primarily men) to consider their co-workers in the same way as they would any company asset — don’t abuse it, never exploit it, and don’t even think about taking it home.

And yet, many couples still remember the first time they laid eyes on their spouse — riding in the same elevator, chatting in the company lunchroom, or sitting next to each other at a business conference — having been brought together because they were employees of the same company.

I must admit to having a special affinity for this group of love-struck co-workers since I, too, married a co-worker. And after 25 years of marriage, I consider our meeting, relationship, and resulting marriage to be the most positive and influential event in my life.

Just because you both happen to work under the same roof shouldn’t be a reason to eliminate each other as a possible life partner. Just remember, an office romance has a much greater — and safer — chance of longevity when passion is moderated with equal does of caution, discretion, and responsible judgment.

© 2020 Roger A. Reid. All Rights Reserved.

Roger A. Reid is the author of Better Mondays: The New Rules for Creating Financial Success and Personal Freedom (While Working for the Man)

Roger A. Reid, Ph.D. is the host of Success Point 360 Podcast and author of Better Mondays and Speak Up. A certified NLP trainer with degrees in engineering and business, Roger offers tips and strategies for achieving higher levels of career success and personal fulfillment in the real world.

Work
Relationships
Life Lessons
Careers
Productivity
Recommended from ReadMedium