Try These Effective Communication Skills to Establish Rapport and Build Solid Relationships

How to turn chance encounters into opportunities for success

Attending company-sponsored events, seminars, conventions, and conferences are an integral part of working for the man.

Yes, most of these activities have been put on hold due to concerns over Covid-19. But managers also know the value of the added synergy resulting from meeting company executives and co-workers face-to-face. And after the current pandemic is contained, unless the organization is in a cash-flow crunch, you can expect the process of pressing the flesh to continue.

Make it a priority to use these get-togethers to your advantage.

You may have talked to John Smith a dozen times on the phone, but chatting with John in person brings a different dynamic to the relationship. Your job is to make sure your face-to-face exchange enhances John’s opinion of you.

Make no mistake about why you’re there. While the atmosphere typically provides plenty of opportunities to socialize, it’s still a business function, and there’s always lots of eyes on you. Don’t screw up your chances for promotion by letting your hair down, drinking a pitcher of Margaritas, then convincing the secretary to go skinny dipping with you in the hotel pool. (Yep, saw it happen.)

Your goal should be to meet as many new people as possible, some of which may have the potential to boost your career or provide valuable inside information that would otherwise be unavailable to you.

Here’s a quick tutorial on the best ways to strike up a conversation with a stranger.

Extend an unmistakable welcome.

We tend to avoid those we don’t know, but the usual social conventions that restrict our interaction with strangers are not as stringent at a business-sponsored event. Try saying “hello” to someone when standing in line, while in an elevator, while waiting for a presentation to begin, or wherever you encounter someone you don’t know and innocent chit-chat is acceptable. The stranger in the elevator may turn out to be the VP of marketing, but if you don’t make the first move to break the ice, you’ll never know.

Don’t know how to chit-chat?

Here’s how it’s done. Let’s begin by identifying the players. You’re “A.” The stranger is “B.” Your focus is on “C.” Your initial comment or question is always about “C,” meaning you pick a subject that does not involve you or the stranger. It might be the food, a positive comment about the day, the weather, or the color of a shirt someone else is wearing. Never begin by complimenting the stranger’s appearance. It not only sends up a red flag, it can leave you without a comfortable transition in conversation.

Try to choose a topic that both of you have in common. For example, forgetting an umbrella when it’s pouring outside, praising the presenter’s skills in a seminar you both attended, or a comment about the food or venue. Just be yourself and if you receive a friendly response, continue the conversation by asking a question or two.

If you’re part of a group within the same industry or company, it’s okay to use that mutual relationship as the “C.” For example, “How long have you been with Acme Corporation?” Or, “This is my first national convention. How about you?”

Maintain a 80/20 ratio for listening versus talking.

Be a great listener, and you’ll make a great impression. People love to talk about themselves. Your job is to listen attentively, ask questions, and provide positive feedback.

Always use discretion when revealing personal information to someone you just met. Just because the other person is extremely forthcoming with personal or even intimate details, don’t feel obligated to do the same. We typically make assumptions about others during our initial meeting, and revealing too much, too soon, can send the wrong impression. For example, if you spill your guts about your wife’s affair with the gardener, you’ll probably end up regretting it.

Keep your conversation positive and upbeat. If the new acquaintance begins to rant about problems at work or home, listen politely, but don’t agree with his argument or reinforce his opinion if it means taking sides. When you’ve had enough, nod and say, “You’ll have to excuse me, but a co-worker is flagging me, and I need to check in with her. I wish you the best with that situation, and I hope it works out well for you.”

Here are several more suggestions you can use to strike up a conversation and establish rapport:

Match eye contact. I’ve heard personal communication experts suggest looking directly into a stranger’s eyes when talking to them. However, too much eye contact can backfire and make others feel “stare-conscious,” resulting in them feeling nervous or uncomfortable. The key is to match their eye-to-eye time. If they appear to have trouble looking directly at you, try glancing away every now and then, allowing them to evaluate you without pressure.

Create an “elevator pitch.” The opportunity to meet someone new is often constrained by time limits (and thus was born the “elevator pitch”). In these spontaneous situations, you typically have less than a minute to make a positive impression. The goal is to leave your new acquaintance with a clear indication of who you are and what you do — especially when your intention is to make a new business contact.

A friend of mine piques the interest of strangers who ask him what he does for a living by saying, “I’m a fixer.” You can imagine the questions he receives, which allows him to fashion his response and personalize the conversation to his advantage.

Avoid “techno-speak.” There’s no faster way to distance yourself from others than by using a string of industry-specific words and phrases that leaves laypeople and generalists with only a vague understanding of what you’re saying. Common sense suggests using clear, concise language while avoiding vague or confusing terms and phrases — because no one wants to use a dictionary after meeting you to try to figure out what you said.

Using rhetoric that sounds like a third-party description can put distance between you and your listener. It can also make you seem detached, impersonal, and even a little arrogant. Someone who might have presented you with a new business opportunity may decide you’re full of BS and immediately discount your talent and ability.

Leave others with a positive impression. Yes, first impressions are important, and so are exit impressions. We tend to dismiss the importance of the exit because we think it’s the normal result of our conversation coming to a close. However, just like the process of initiating a conversation, the exit can be structured, formatted, and delivered in a way that leaves others wanting to follow up and make future contact.

Try using a few phrases that bring your interchange to a comfortable conclusion. For example, “I’ve really enjoyed chatting with you. I hope we can continue our conversation later in the week” (or whenever would be the next appropriate time). Or, “Your thoughts and ideas on the subject are very interesting. I’d like to hear more. Maybe we can get together next week for lunch?”

Depending on the circumstances, you can also try a more personalized exit. For example, “Thanks so much for the conversation. I almost didn’t come to the luncheon, but I’m really glad I did.”

Remember, it’s always a two-way street.

The majority of people are generally receptive to meeting someone new — especially when there’s a commonality to explore.

Even so, not everyone will respond in the same way to a “cold” introduction. Give others a chance to establish rapport at their own speed. Someone who was seemingly uninterested in your initial attempt at conversation may have been distracted, uncomfortable, or not feeling well.

Always give strangers a second opportunity to connect. Our first impressions are not always correct, so extend the benefit of the doubt whenever possible.

© 2020 Roger A. Reid All Rights Reserved.

Roger A. Reid is the author of Better Mondays: The New Rules for Creating Financial Success and Personal Freedom (While Working for the Man)

Roger A. Reid, Ph.D. is the host of Success Point 360 Podcast and author of Better Mondays and Speak Up. A certified NLP trainer with degrees in engineering and business, Roger offers tips and strategies for achieving higher levels of career success and personal fulfillment in the real world.