Proven Guidelines for Building Solid Relationships and Personal Integrity
How to create an authentic life — without leaving a trail of collateral damage
Nothing personal — it’s just business.
Ever heard that?
Ever said it?
Unfortunately, having separate identities — one for business and another for a personal life — is fairly common in the winner-take-all world of industry and commerce.
Many of us have experienced it so often, we’ve come to expect at least some sleight-of-hand at the negotiating table and, as a result, we approach every new business relationship with caution — if not outright suspicion.
At the risk of being called naive, I have to ask ... How did it get this way?
When did greed and the need to win take priority over integrity, honesty, and truth?
Apparently, the desire to take advantage of others — at any price — has been with us for a very long time
The ancient biblical text, Deuteronomy — believed written by Moses in about 1400 BC — warned merchants against unscrupulous dealings.
“Do not have two differing weights in your bag — one heavy, one light. Do not have two differing measures in your house — one large, one small. You must have accurate and honest weights and measures, so that you may live long in the land . . . ” — Deuteronomy 25: 13–15
Twenty-five-hundred years ago, the Chinese general and philosopher, Sun Tzu believed the best defense against any enemy — both in business and on the battlefield — was to know them as well as you know yourself. And he instructed his students to “Know your enemy by becoming your enemy.”
Based on his advice, I’ve created a simplified list of Tzu-inspired imperatives for dealing with those who see their business activities in terms of financial conquest.
Think of it as a compilation of situational ethics for those determined to squeeze that last dollar out of every transaction — no matter what the cost.
Make victory your mantra
There’s no need to keep it a secret. Let others know you’re ruthless in business.
Disclosing this warning in advance provides all the rationale you need to take advantage of those less skilled, or to do the unethical, or maybe even plunge head-long into the ever-so-tempting gray area.
Never allow a guilty conscience to dissuade your quest for the prize
Calm your feelings of guilt with self-talk: “I have a right to succeed. If it comes at the cost of others, that’s just the way it is. There’s only so much to go around, and I’ve got to make sure I get my fair share.”
Revel in the ego boost and false sense of power
You’ve learned the advantages of scorching the earth and taking no prisoners.
If others disagree with your tactics, appease them by saying, “I can go head-to-head with anyone in the business. But of course, I only pull out the big guns when it’s absolutely necessary.”
Rejoice in receiving the fear — not the respect — of others
Fear or respect.
What’s the difference? Either way, they know not to mess with you.
Never forget you’re superior to everyone around you
Therefore, you’re justified in “controlling” the success — even the lives — of others.
It’s called pre-emptive entitlement — an extremely useful tool to rationalize the use of extreme measures to get what you want.
And why not? It’s been used by governments, dictators, and bullies for centuries to accomplish magnificent plans and glorious destinies — and mass extermination.
Fight fire with fire, use unrestrained tactics against the enemy, and stock our arsenal with superior weapons.
Does it work?
Absolutely.
These win-at-any-cost directives have boosted men into power, created fortunes, and enslaved millions. They’ve been the motivation for Ponzi schemes, mortgage fraud, and every bait-and-switch scam that left a buyer confused, angry, and broke.
But what about collateral damage — especially to ourselves?
What kind of person will you become if you put this approach into practice? Is it someone you would want as a business associate, or a friend, or a life partner?
Sun Tzu’s advice is based on triumphing over others — once.
He didn’t care about the aftermath — the consequences — of his actions because his intention was to destroy his enemies. And in the process, he ended any possibility for a normalized, long-term future relationship.
Granted, some historians have defined his philosophy as a cultural imperative of the time — the expected mindset of all-conquering leaders.
But those with whom we choose to do business are not our enemies — they are resources. They present opportunity, potential, and possibility.
There’s an advantage to peeking inside our opponent’s playbook.
But it’s not to adopt their unprincipled philosophy.
It’s for putting our own into perspective — to test our values and convictions and make sure we haven’t strayed from the ideals and standards that define us.
Over decades of working with and counseling others, they keep coming back to the same principles
Their rules of fair play in business — and in life — have served them to build wealth as well as character and personal integrity. And they wouldn’t have it any other way.
- Strive to have a single identity — one you’ll never have to apologize for. Negotiate with fair, ethical intentions. Build your reputation as you build your fortune.
- Look for honest, truthful people to do business with. And when a mistake is made on your watch, do everything possible to make it right.
- When circumstances reveal a client or vendor to be a liar, a cheat, or someone who takes his anger, frustrations, and disappointment out on others, cut them lose. You don’t need them in your life. It’s like filling the air with poison — and you deserve to breathe clean air.
“Moral authority comes from following universal and timeless principles like honesty, integrity, treating people with respect.” –Stephen Covey
© 2020 Roger A. Reid. All Rights Reserved.
Roger A. Reid is the author of Better Mondays: The New Rules for Creating Financial Success and Personal Freedom (While Working for the Man)
Roger A. Reid, Ph.D. is the host of Success Point 360 Podcast and author of Better Mondays and Speak Up. A certified NLP trainer with degrees in engineering and business, Roger offers tips and strategies for achieving higher levels of career success and personal fulfillment in the real world.