Rep Steve King Pelted With Chicharrones By “Giggling” Mob
This just in from Bodacious Media (BM).
Openly racist Republican congressman from Iowa and honorary Proud Boy, Steven King, who inexplicably nailed a ninth term, was attacked by a band of prepubescent “beaners” (his word) while succumbing to a Churros jones in Storm Lake, Iowa.
Storm Lake, which boasts Iowa’s second-largest Latino population is home to several popular restaurants, including the low-key eatery, La Juanita.
King, known for such offensive — and poorly worded — comments as “I’d like to see an America that’s just so homogeneous that we look a lot the same,” was in disguise when his driver dropped him off at the Mexican eatery around 2 pm.
According to the Des Moines Register, King recently told the Westside Conservative Club In Urbandale, Iowa, that “humanity might not exist if not for rape and incest.”
“What if we went back through all the family trees and just pulled those people out that were products of rape and incest? Would there be any population of the world left if we did that?”
Wow. Can even Trump trump that?
Regarding the pelting: “I told him that I’d wait in the car,” said King’s driver, who asked to remain anonymous. “Frankly, I was kind of embarrassed to be seen with him. He looked ridiculous. I also thought his sudden craving for Churros was a little weird but hey — the guy wants what he wants when he wants it. Not for me to question. I get paid for driving his ass around and that’s it.”
When asked to expand on the “ridiculous” comment, King’s driver replied, “I think Steve was trying to look Mexican — you know — blend in. He had on overalls, a hoodie and a pasted-on handlebar mustache. But the worst part was the Man Tan. His face was like the color of mud. Or crap. I nearly busted a gut when I saw him.”
According to the driver, King was in the restaurant less than two minutes when he “crashed out of there like a bat out of hell, his mustache hanging half off his face.”
Apparently, King’s disguise was blown, as he was chased from the restaurant at top speed by what he later referred to as a “marauding band of beaners.”
The driver, who once again was in the throes of “busting a gut,” wiped his eyes and said, “Hell, I don’t think any of ’em were over ten years old. Even funnier, they pelted him with handfuls of Chicharrones!” (Fried pig skins, a popular Mexican snack.)
We waited for the driver to compose himself and then asked if he thought the children truly meant to harm King.
“I couldn’t say,” he said. They were giggling and all, but I have a feeling that if he hadn’t hit the car when he did, they would have been on him like flies on shit. I don’t know — maybe that comment about the electronic fence didn’t sit too well.”
Before he turned to go, the driver told us that, when King, covered in Chicharron crumbs, hit the back seat, all he said was, “Let’s get the F outta here.”
If only.
Sherry McGuinn is a slightly-twisted, longtime Chicago-area writer and award-winning screenwriter. Her work has appeared in The Chicago Tribune, Chicago Sun-Times, and numerous other publications. Sherry’s manager is currently pitching her newest screenplay, a drama with dark, comedic overtones and inspired by a true story.
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