Maintaining a happy relationship in the age of social distancing
Discover how to keep close in this new time of social distance and isolation.
by: E.B. Johnson
We live now in the age of COVID-19 and are being faced with the idea of an entirely new future. All around the world, countries are locking-down and breaking out the emergency protocols. Coronavirus is spreading like wildfire, and with it panic and a feeling of absolute uncertainty.
We’re being advised to distance ourselves from our friends and our families, and that can come at a heavy toll for some of the most important relationships in our lives. If you’re dealing with being quarantined at home, or stuck abroad, the relationship you share with your partner could be taking a serious hit. Find you way back to one another by finding the simple solutions in a long distance relationship. They say absence makes the heart grow fonder, and that’s certainly true when you have the understanding and know-how to do it.
When distance makes all the difference.
While many of us casually refer to the current virus as “coronavirus” — that title actually belongs to a family of viruses that causes disease in various animals. There are 7 of these viruses which can be transmitted to humans, and most of these just cause basic cold-like symptoms that you hardly notice. Some, however, become much more severe and cause serious infections in humans.
COVID-19 is one of these more dangerous members of the coronavirus family, and one which we are still trying to understand. In most people, it causes only a cough and mild fever (if any symptoms at all), but in some it can develop into a severe respiratory infection.
For this reason, new recommendations and restrictions have but put in place which limit the mass gatherings of people and therefore faster aand more pentrative transmission. Among these recommendations, however, includes social distancing — a practice which requires us to self-isolate and pull away from the social activities and interactions we might otherwise have. This can take a huge toll on our relationships. Especially the romantic ones. If we want to maintain the balance, we have to get conscious and we havae to do it fast.
The benefits of bonding apart.
There are a number of substantial and real-world benefits that come with building on a relationship while separated by distance. Being socially distant from your partner can lead to better personal insight and even better communication. It’s up to us to take the lead, however, and make sure we’re staying consciously connected despite the space.
Gaining a better perspective
One of the greatest benefits of developing a deeper relationship apart is coming to know more intimately the differences between lust and love. Often, we can get swept up in our feelings of lust, and mistake them for something more meaningful and deeper — like love. As time goes on, however, and life gets harder, this superficial attraction fades and both parties find themselves standing next to strangers. This time and distance will give you time to figure out if what you have is real, or if it’s just a waste of time.
Boosted communication
Because you have nothing to do but communicate, this forced time apart can actually go a long way in making both of you better communicators. When we learn how to effectively communicate with our partners, we are better able to bond, make decisions together and resolve conflict. Though distance might seem like a struggle, it forces us to open up and work together in some powerful ways.
More patience
When you’re spending your time in solitary quarantine, you have little else to do but work on your patience. Patience is an incredible skill to possess when it comes to life, but it’s especially important in relationships. The more patient you are with your partner, the more compassionate and understanding you can be. These are invaluable qualities to possess when the adversities of life come to call.
Better handle on you
Our relationships are important to us, but it’s easy for them to run out of control and completely overwhelm the individual that we are. This is especially true if you’re in a new relationship, or are still enjoying the honeymoon period. Though those first wild butterflies can feel nice, it’s dangerous to lose sight of our individuality. Social distancing can help you gain some independence again, get some time to pursue your own individual passions and interests (without any erroneous feelings of guilt, or romantic distractions), and get to the bottom of your self-care routine.
Solidified commitment
Though it’s not always the first thing that comes to mind, social distancing can actually go a long way in improving the commitment we share with our partners. Because the only way to connect is through digital or virtual communication, this time apart requires us to put more trust in one another and also put more conscious effort into connecting. Rather than being able to resort to the old scapegoat physical intimacy, social distancing makes you dig deep and make the decision to stay despite the distance.
The challenge of maintaining a relationship while social distancing.
Now, that’s not to say that long distance relationships aren’t challenging too. There are a lot of shortcomings when it comes to be separated from the person that we love, but we can overcome them with some introspection and acceptance of both who we are and who our partner is too.
Increased insecurity
Depending on your attachment and love language types, physical proximity in a relationship might be important to you. Without it, you might find yourself feeling insecure within your relationship and more on edge than ever. Obsessing over what the other person is doing, and whether or not they’re still thinking lovingly of you, you swirl into a rabbit hole of anxiety and worst-case-scenario thinking. From here, insecurity becomes the norm and you might find yourself developing some nasty habits.
Being lonely
Without your partner around (or any friends or family) you might find yourself dealing with feelings of loneliness, or feeling as though you are truly cut off from the world. The good news, however, is that we live in a digital age. It’s now easier than ever to stay connected with the person that we love most, be that over video or over the phone.
Slowly drifting
We don’t always like to admit it, but one of the downsides of any distance put between two partners can be slow and inevitable drift. If you and your partner don’t enjoy any mutual interests or dreams, it may be hard for you to stay connected and excited about your relationship across the coming days of social distancing. Unable to meet one another on any common ground, you drift apart and find yourselves more distant and disconnected than ever before.
Eroded trust
If you don’t already hold a solid sense of trust with your partner, then distance isn’t going to do you any favors. Those who have already established heightened levels of distrust in their relationships will find that that insecurity only increases with the space and distance between you. Over time, these feelings can compound and become so complex and entangled that it’s hard to ever clarify them again — social distancing or not.
Committing time
When we’re dealing with a long distance relationship, commitments of time are some of the most important foundations we have to build on. Both partners have to commit to creating space in their life for the other person. This means calling when you say you will, and carving time out of each day to let the other person know you’re thinking of them or you’re still important in their lives. Without that commitment of time, the relationship drifts and feelings can start to get injured.
How to maintain a healthy relationship when you’re socially isolating.
Just because we’re separated by space doesn’t mean we can’t still maintain a happy relationship. Truly happy partnerships aren’t based in the physical realm alone. They’re mental and emotional too. That’s why long distance relationships can really transform the way we see one another…when we know which techniques to use.
1. Focus on being open
Openness is a gift to any relationship, and it’s also one of the greatest gifts we can give to ourselves. By focusing on being open, we make it easier to bond with one another and reach across barriers to create real and meaningful connections. When we’re open, we’re listening, we’re present and we’re willing to share — all aspects that add up to a better relationship, no matter the distance.
Consciously make an effort to be more open, and start with yourself. If you’re struggling with social distancing, explore your feelings and really dig into why you’re feeling that way. Ask yourself probing questions and get up close with your emotions. The more in touch and open you are with yourself, the better you will be for your partner and your relationship.
Be open with your other half, and encourage them to be open to you. Spend this time distanced from one another to really talk and get to know what makes you both tick or get up in the morning. Find out more about who they are and where they come from. Find deeper interests that you didn’t know were there. Don’t shy away from hard talks, and don’t shy away from sharing who you really are. This is a great time to find the beauty in one another, and it might be a long time until we get quality time with one another again.
2. Shine light on the positives
We are living through strange and scary times, and that can make it hard to be connected and optimistic. It’s imperative that we stay positive, however, and use that positivity to support one another like we never have before. By shining light on the positives, and looking on the bright side of our time apart — we can find greater underlying meaning that we ever saw before. That can often take the work of both parties, and the knowledge that some silver linings are harder to find than others.
The next time you’re on the phone with your significant other, or the next time you grab each other on FaceTime, make a conscious effort to spend 5–10 minutes highlighting the positive experiences or thoughts in your day.
Leave out all the stress, and leave out all the things that inspire negative emotional responses. Take the last few minutes of any conversation or “together” time you’re sharing over the distance and use it to bolster the sense of happiness you two share with one another. We are living through some hard times and there’s sure to be more difficulty ahead. The best thing we can do for ourselves and one another is to be more positive, and try to find a way to shift our thoughts to the good we still wish to produce in the world.
3. Bonding through mutual tasks
Mutual tasks are a great way to bond, and a great way to coordinate some “together” time while the restrictions on socializing continue. Even though you might be separated by a few walls or a few miles, you can get creative and set mutual goals that allow you to feel as though you’re still present and connected in one another’s lives.
Watch a movie together over FaceTime, and set up a schedule that determines who is going to call who, and when. Chat online, play video games together. Find any little task that you can do together, or use to bond with one another — it doesn’t matter how small or inconsequential it might seem.
There’s literally no right or wrong when it comes to these tasks. Try to stay as close to your original lifestyles as possible, and don’t shy away from anything because you think it’s “silly” or “too much”. The more creative you get, the more memories the two of you will create together. Just because we’re struggling and separated by distance and fear doesn’t mean we still can’t create something positive to enjoy on the other side.
4. Break out the assurances
Times are tough for everyone, but this type of forced separation can be especially hard on couples. When it’s impossible to physically interact, we get discouraged and even distracted, wandering off and letting our minds wander too. It’s important that you reassure yourself (and your partner) during this time, and remind them that no matter what separates you — they’re still the most important person in your life.
Be candid with your partner and express your love for them regularly. Even though you can’t be there to hold their hand or give them back rubs, you can still send them little love notes (digitally) and remind them on the daily that they’re the only person you want.
We can still combine our words and action to show our partners that we care, and we can do it unexpectedly. Get creative and think of long-distance ways you can say “I love you” without saying I love you. Maybe send them a subscription to their favorite junk food service, or make them an unexpected playlist. There’s literally no limit to the ways you can re-assure someone that you care for them. You just have to think outside of the box.
5. Lean into outward supports
Our outward support networks are important, but we can often lose sight of them when we’re hyper-focused on our romantic relationships. If you’re struggling with your partner or feel as though the social distancing is causing a major disconnect, reaching out to your friends and family can often provide the perspective you need to get things back on track.
Don’t forget the value of a virtual friend or a platonic loved one during this time. If you and your partner are struggling to find common ground across the distance, open up to someone you trust and get their take on things or how they could be improved.
The chosen family we place around ourselves is important. They are mirrors by which see different facets of ourselves, and they can be the lodestones which guide us back to our center when things get challening. Never forget the people who love you, and never undervalue the advice they can provide when you’re struggling through romantic hardship and a relationship that’s buckling beneath the weight of social distancing.
6. Commit to the journey
Above all else, if you and your partner are preparing yourselves for a relationship inhibited by social distancing — you have to commit to the journey and understand that there will up good days and bad days. We are all stressed to our breaking point and all trying to do the best that we can. Sometimes that’s not enough; but sometimes, it is. No matter what, we have to make the commitment to be there for the ride, come what may.
Commit to this journey and commit to your partner, despite the fear and despite the trepidations. Embrace the lows you’ll both encounter, and then embrace the highs. Know that whatever happens next, everything is happening for your highest good and you’ll both come out better on the other side.
We can’t see what life is going to throw our way, and we can’t predict what’s going to come next. What we can do, however, is commit to love someone and commit to help them. We can commit to one another, and we can use this time to re-envision and re-commit to the dreams and lives we are building together. Don’t let the social distancing destroy your relationship. Accept it for what it is, and accept your relationship too. If you both commit to work together, everything else will fall into place.
Putting it all together…
With the explosion of the COVID-19 virus, we are living in scarier times than ever before. The stress and pressure of modern living is intense, and these new restrictions are putting an even greater strain on our romantic relationships and the partners that add that special layer of meaning and happiness to our lives. Just because you’re social distancing doesn’t mean you have to give up on your relationship. Find a way to mutual happiness by centering on a few basic techniques.
Focus on being more open and reaching deep to connect with your partner on real and meaningful levels. Share with each other and don’t be afraid to really open up, but don’t forget to also focus on the positives and use those positives to bolster your mood and your spirit. Bond through small, creative mutual tasks, and don’t forget to reassure one another (regularly) of your continued love and support, no matter how stressed or anxious about the future you might be. This age of social distancing is scary, but it can be incredibly beneficial and transformative for our relationships too. Lean into yout outward support networks if relations are getting fraught, and commit to the journey no matter what comes next. We’re facing hard times, but we can come through it together. Don’t give up. Re-imagine your relationship across the lines of social distancing.
