Re-building your self-esteem will change your life
Looking to make major changes in your life? Start by rebuilding your self-esteem.
by: E.B. Johnson
Our self-esteem is a crucial building block when it comes to creating lives that are fulfilling and meaningful. Without this sense of self-worth, we can find ourselves stumbling from opportunity to opportunity, relationship to relationship, without ever really finding your footing. It’s impossible to figure out who you are when you don’t believe in yourself or your abilities.
We have to re-build our self-esteem if we want to get back on track and back in-sync with our journey in this life. Increased self-esteem transforms the way we live, the way we connect, and even the way we see and embrace opportunity. It’s a way of reconnecting with your purpose while also learning how to celebrate those things which make you strong. Above all else, though, re-establishing self-esteem is a radical act of self-love and self-acceptance.
When you struggle your self-esteem might be lacking.
Do you feel like you’re struggling to figure out who you are or where you fit in? Are you plagued by toxic relationships, or senseless beliefs that keep you small and chained to the patterns of your past? You can overcome all of this when you learn how to love yourself and the body you’re in. By letting go of your insecurities and any shame you might be holding on to, you can discover the beauty that’s waiting right within.
Your self-esteem is how you value or perceive yourself and the worth you offer to the world around you. If someone were to ask you what you think of yourself, what would you say? When you receive a compliment like, “you’re pretty,” does it make you recoil or feel uncomfortable?
Low self-esteem is toxic, and it will cause you to turn down important opportunities and accept way less than you deserve when it comes to relationships, careers, and even the standard of care you receive when you’re sick. You deserve to be happy. You deserve to be respected and loved. There’s no magical ritual you have to perform, or standard you have to achieve. They’re yours simply for existing. You just have to embrace this as fact.
How rebuilding your self-esteem can change your life.
There are a number of benefits to boosting your self-esteem again, and they range from improved relationships to enhanced communication. You don’t need to commit to a major overhaul. Sometimes it’s just about focusing on the basics and how we can find better ways to benefit.
Improved relationships
Are you someone who seems to land in one bad relationship after another? The most common reason behind this pattern is a total and utter lack of self-confidence. You settle for bad relationships with bad people and make excuses each time they hurt you or treat you like garbage. It all comes down to believing that narrative and telling yourself, “This is what I deserve, so this is what I will settle for.”
Tapping into purpose
What is your purpose in this life? What is it in your world that provides a sense of meaning or worthwhileness? It’s hard to define those things when you’re living in a haze of low self-esteem and absolute disbelief in your abilities. Becoming strong and assured in who we are also allows us to touch base with those things that make us feel plugged into life and all its wonderful lessons and experiences.
Increasing opportunities
Self-esteem is a strange thing in that it is a perception of self, but also a key to an entirely new world. When you believe in yourself, you start to see a sea of new opportunities. Where once there were only walls, you begin to see doors. Then you find the confidence to open those doors. Suddenly, the world looks different as you move from one path to another. Believing in yourself enables you to thrive in an entirely new way.
Boosting your mental health
Learning how to love and respect yourself is also an incredible boost to your mental and emotional health. Our feelings of anxiety and hopelessness feed into our low opinions of self. It works the other way as well, though. The longer you allow yourself to live with delusions of inferiority or shame, the more anxious you will become; the more hopeless your outlook on life will tend to be.
Clearing up the journey
What do you want from life? When you look into the future — what do you see 20 or 30 years from now? Those with a clear vision of what they want (or the action they need to take) are traditionally those who are more self-assured, or confident in their values and beliefs. The foggier your path is, the more insecure or unsure of self you might be. By increasing your self-esteem, you enable yourself to form a clearer picture of what you expect from life and love.
Fine-tuning communication
While we generally don’t think of communication as a benefit of self-esteem, it is — and in a number of ways. The more confident you are, the easier it becomes for you to communicate your needs, expectations, and emotions. It’s also easier for you to deliver a clear message, and get clear on what you want to convey yourself. When you boost your self-esteem, you enable yourself to fine-tune the way you communicate with the world.
The best ways to increase your self-confidence.
You don’t have to live under the thumb of your insecurities forever. You can strip your inner critic of their power and find a way to live in harmony with yourself and the future that you want. It all comes down to commitment, however, and taking action in the name of your own joy.
1. Focus on what you’re good at
When it comes to building up our self-confidence, there’s no need to rush the process. We can ease in slow. A good place to start is by focusing on the people who make you feel good, and the things that you’re skilled at. It’s a bit like overwhelming yourself with positivity. By surrounding yourself with all this good, you increase the way you see yourself and your value to others.
Get back to activities and experiences that boost your confidence. Do things that you’re good at. This helps you to see just how skillful you are and also helps you to refocus your perspective and gain new abilities. Beyond that, it keeps your interest engaged and can even bring about new inspiration.
Also ensure you’re spending time and energy with people who make you feel good. You don’t need more negativity when you’re already feeling down on yourself. Look for friends (and loved ones) that encourage you to pursue things you love, and who also look out for your greatest good with bullying or trying to control you. Focusing on good people and good experiences is a solid way to get going with our self-esteem.
2. Celebrate your wins
How often do you allow yourself to celebrate your wins? When you manage to triumph through a really hard day, do you reward yourself with something? Many of us get so caught up in our day-to-day responsibilities that it prevents us from seeing just how well we’re doing. The world we live in is a challenging one. Sometimes, just making it through the day is a reason to high-five yourself. Committing to seeing life this way can be a serious boost to our self-confidence.
When you get things right, allow yourself to celebrate it. Pat yourself on the back. Buy yourself a little candy bar. Treat yourself to that massage or that pair of shoes you’ve been eyeing for months. How you celebrate doesn’t matter, but you need to get in the habit of telling yourself “well done” when you get even the smallest things right.
Make these daily celebrations a part of your gratitude practices as well. Find a journal and clear out a space in it for yourself each day. When you come home from work, or you’re settling down for bed, take just 3–5 minutes to jot down at least 3 things that you did well that day. It could be as small as waking up on time, or as big as nailing the big meeting. If it’s something that went off without a hitch, give yourself some credit for it. Watch your self-esteem thrive.
3. Get rid of your inner critic
If you are someone who struggles with low self-esteem, then odds are you probably have a very loud inner critic. This is the voice that tells you nothing is good enough, or seeks to keep you mired in guilt and shame. We have to get rid of this inner critic if we ever hope to shift the way we see ourselves and think about ourselves.
Commit to getting rid of your inner critic and start by identifying and challenging your negative beliefs. Dig deep. What are the worst things you believe about yourself, and why? When those thoughts arise, what are some positive substitutes you could tell yourself to replace them?
Stop giving your inner critic power over the choices that you make. They are a voice from the past. Their power is in the past, and they speak from a backward place of little perspective. You’re not going backward, you’re moving forward toward more solid and positive beliefs in self. This can’t happen if you leave your inner critic in the driver’s seat.
4. Let go of negative influences
While our self-esteem can only be built from within, the outside factors in our environment can play a big role in the process. It’s hard to keep thinking of yourself in a positive light when you only surround yourself with negative people, negative opportunities, and negative experiences that detract from your quality of life. You need to cut the negative influences loose and embrace a brighter world that you (rightfully) take up space in.
Avoid setting up relationships with negative people, which requires you to constantly feel bad about yourself or sacrifice more than anyone else in the equation. Stop putting in more than you get back, and stop allowing other people to keep you small or stuck in the pain of their own shadows.
People in pain will keep you in pain right beside them. You have to listen to your own needs and stay focused on your own future. Those who truly love will always encourage us to become better versions of ourselves. They will always support a journey of confidence, or stepping away in order to find those parts of self you need to re-access. Do your friends and family run you down, belittle you, or otherwise distract you from growth? Cut them loose.
5. Take care of your physical body
As a new age of consciousness has taken over, we’ve become aware of the value of what’s inside a person. While once all our assumptions were made on the outside appearance, we know now that a true person is much more than that. We should still strive to create beautiful physical bodies that we enjoy being in, though. Looking for a way to fast-track your self-confidence journey? Give your physical body some attention.
Boosting your body doesn’t mean starving yourself into a size 0, or poking and prodding yourself into oblivion. It simply means taking care of your physical body and turning it into a temple that you both love and are comfortable in. You have to live in your body every day, and you have to look at it. Feeling good in it is a fast track to boosting your self-esteem.
Try new fashions. Experiment with makeup or colorful hair. Transform your diet, nourish your body with plenty of water and quality food that makes it easier for you to function, think, and live. When you take care of your physical body, it helps your soul feel good. It’s nice to feel nice, and that’s okay. Don’t just focus on shaping the way you see yourself from the inside out; literally change your life from the inside out to increase your self-esteem.
Putting it all together…
If you’re seeking to build a better life for yourself, you need to begin by rebuilding your self-esteem. This form of self-perception is a critical building block of the future we are piecing together. The more we come to value what we have to offer, the more confident and happy we become in life. Want to boost your self-esteem? Take action the right way and stop running from your insecurities.
Focus on what you’re good at and re-engage with those pastimes and activities which reinforce belief in your skills and abilities. The more time you spend doing things you’re good at, the more you’ll come to realize just how capable you are. Celebrate your wins and stop denying yourself happiness out of fear or insecurity. Confront your thoughts and commit to shifting them. Stop giving your inner-critic power over your life and relationships. You are just as deserving of love and happiness as anyone else. Accept this and allow it to move your self-esteem in the right direction. Let go of the negative influences in your life and seek to surround yourself with people who support you and appreciate you with judgement or disregard. Want a quicker track to increased self-esteem? Nourish your physical body and get comfy in the skin you’re in.
