Self-Awareness as Self-Empowerment
Radical Self-Care — No Parts of Me Shall Be Left Unloved.
I will slow down and refill my cup first.
For years, I was a proud, selfless human being. I was last on my list of everything (except lipstick and herbal baths). And I honestly thought that's what "good people" do. Good people sacrificed their joy, happiness, and peace for the good of all.
I thought I was practicing self-care if I did a few asanas once a month before starting my day. I thought my weekly herbal baths were moments of restoration.
"I don't have any children. I'm not married." I would say, and others would remind me.
"You've got all the time in the world," some would say as they violated my peace of mind with their needs, wants, and desires. I invested my precious energy, time, and money in the barren soil of those who did not respect my boundaries in an attempt to prove…
“I am a good person.”
So, how did this good person end up having a full-on panic attack? Crying. Heaving. Shaking. Scared.
I can tell you how. I was empty. I was empty from trying to be perfect and setting the bar so high if Yao Ming stood on Shaq's head, he wouldn't be able to reach it.
I aligned with the unachievable, and it was draining me.
After a year and a half with a lot of focused work, I returned to my soul — I returned to beauty and goodness without trying to be good enough.
Little did I know, I was practicing something crucial to my well-being. I was practicing Radical Self-Care. I had not asserted it, but I was practicing its tenets unknowingly.
How I Discovered Radical Self-Care
I discovered radical self-care in October 2021. While studying true self-awareness and healing, I ran across "Radical Self-Care." Radical self-care was birth from a 1988 essay collection, A Burst of Light, written by activist and poet Audre Lorde while battling cancer. Lorde penned the following passage:
“I had to examine, in my dreams as well as in my immune-function tests, the devastating effects of overextension. Overextending myself is not stretching myself. I had to accept how difficult it is to monitor the difference. Necessary for me as cutting down on sugar. Crucial. Physically. Psychically. Caring for myself is not self-indulgence, it is self-preservation, and that is an act of political warfare.” — Audre Lorde
Recently, Angela Davis, Dr. Joi Lewis, and Anne Lamott have all revisited Radical Self-Care.
But what is Radical Self-Care?
Radical Self-Care is a critical self-care practice that asserts you have the responsibility to take care of yourself first before attempting to take care of others. It's necessary to fill your cup first, then give to others from the overflow.
Authors Donna J. Nicol and Jennifer A. Yee clarified the distinction between what we usually deem as self-care and radical self-care in Reclaiming Our Time,
“Radical self-care was and is an imperative practice to resist pressures to comply, conform, and above all, to remain true to our authentic selves.
The Tenets of Radical Self-Care
When intentionally practiced and integrated into our lives, radical self-care is not only a self-care practice but a healing modality and a tool used to help direct our self-awareness journey.
With radical self-care practices, we unapologetically choose with whom, how, and how often we interconnect our worlds, lives, and experiences.
Here are the Tenets of Radical Self-Care and how I implement them in my life:
Tenet #1: Connect to Well-being in Mind, Body, and Spirit
In her Indiana State University's Multicultural Services and Program workshop, Angela Davis explained that "radical self-care involves the mind, body, and spirit."
With this understanding, I wrote in my story A Year of Healing — Resolution 2022:
“No parts of me will be left unloved.” — The Author (Carmellita)
Radical Self-Care as a healing modality emphasizes the "whole self," or holistic healing. In the interest of holistic healing, I asked myself the following questions:
- How will I nourish my mind, body, and spirit?
- How will I embrace practices that keep me physically, psychically, emotionally, and psychologically fit and empowered?
- How will I restore, recover, and replenish my whole self throughout the day?
- How will I address trauma encoded in my Causal Body?
Tenet #2: Create a Practice of Reflection
Reflection is a crucial component of navigating our self-awareness journey. Reflection answers the question: "Do you know where you are? And is this where you want to be?"
“The unexamined life is not worth living.” — Socrates
Geil Browning, Ph.D., Founder, and CEO of Emergenetics, an organization dedicated to examining the connection between individuals' life experiences and genetic gifts to enhance communication and build more productive workplaces, defines reflection as:
“tapping into every aspect of our experiences, clarifying our thinking, and honing in on what really matters to us.”
While I take the time to reflect daily, not just on my work but on my experiences throughout the day. The questions I ask are:
- Do my experiences today reflect my values?
- What experiences today did not reflect my values?
- How much time did I spend doing the things that matter to me?
Tenet #3: Affirm Your Self-Worth Above all Others
To affirm my self-worth, I must be clear about my values (worth and value are connected). That includes:
- Identifying My Values and what matters to me
- Knowing my Worth and My Power
- Knowing what and who I want in my life
- Knowing what or who I no longer want in my life
- Challenging myself to grow
- Finding and connecting with friends who respect my boundaries and share similar values
You Won't Find This Kind of Self-Care at Sephora or Even Your Favorite Botanical Shop.
This form of self-care is "radical" because it puts you in control of your choices. You decide how and where you will invest your time, money, and energy.
We cannot flow in abundance and affluence if we invest our time, money, and energy in fruitless pursuits — things that don't matter to us. We can't give until we give out!
In the past, I would give and give (primarily out of guilt) until my cup was nearly empty, and then I'd make some feeble attempt to refill my cup — never full, always barely enough. No wonder I questioned if I was good enough!
Years of self-neglect manifested as inflammation, hormonal imbalances, weariness, and discontentment. I knew something was missing. Ultimately, what was truly missing was:
I forgot to show up for me.
I hope you've found some takeaways you can implement in your life. My year of healing requires focused work, but I'm up for the challenge.
Fam, I'm curious. Do you practice Radical Self-Care? Which tenets resonate with you the most, and how do you or would you implement them in your life?
Please share in the comments below. Thank you.
Check out Donnette Anglin's story on your right to tell your story without shame: