Don’t Let Shame Silence A Story That People Need To Hear

Your words can heal

Fear taught me to be quiet for much of my life — fear others may see the pain in my eyes, the hurt I felt as a child, and the fear of living in fear was always that whisper within my ear.

But it wasn’t fear that kept me from telling my story as an adult, even after I had overcome the adversities of life.

It was shame.

The shame of my circumstance and situation since conception. The shame of my identity, not knowing my father, and ancestry. The shame of the mistakes I’d made throughout life — business, personal, and otherwise.

Shame was the barrier between myself and would-be friends that were hinging too close. My shame created a distance between my family at socials — avoiding painful conversations I didn’t want to face or have with them. Shame kept me from living my truest reality and robbed me of real happiness in life for a long time.

I feared if others knew my shame, it might be a different ballgame.

How will they perceive or treat me? Will I be ridiculed, judge, blame, chastise, or will they sympathize with me? I didn’t want to face or could handle any one of them.

All I needed was to heal.

I didn't understand that the more I kept my shame to myself, the more I felt ashamed. That's the nature of shame. The more you internalize it, the more it controls your resistance, cover-up your story, and worsens the shame.

The catalyst to facing my shame

Anticipating a long wait at the doctor’s office recently, I utilized the time and tuned into a recorded podcast a friend sent me earlier.

Maria had recently started hosting her own podcast interviewing women abused by their spouses. It was her way of helping women heal, having gone through a similar experience herself.

As I listened to the heart-wrenching personal life story of the woman she was interviewing, I realized how difficult telling your truth can be. It’s like walking on stage naked in front of an audience of spectators.

It take guts and lots of bravery to put your life out there in full view for others.

Though not a victim of domestic abuse personally, her courage and bravery were what stood out to me. I could hear the pain in her voice as she spoke, sobbed, and relived her past.

But in the end, it was what she said that prompted me to take action towards my own experiences that I couldn't confront or felt comfortable with.

“Wow!! I feel so relieved just sharing this with you today,” she said.

Facing your truth with good intentions

It was in those words I found

the clue I longed for to heal from my shameful past.

I chose writing as the medium to face my truth and write my shame away.

At first, it wasn’t easy. I had two drafts sitting for days before I could get the courage to publish them.

Many thoughts and questions flooded my mind —

“What if it hurt someone?What if others cast blame on me?Who will see or read it and use it against me?”

But when you face your truth with good intentions, there is no stopping you from sharing your most vulnerable story with the world.

I wanted to tell my truth for the greater good of self and help others like me faced with a similar situation heal with me. With this acknowledgment and clarity, I brushed the negative thoughts from my mind. There was no stopping me from publishing.

“It’s what you say to yourself about yourself, when you are by yourself… that matters most” — Brad Sugars

Publishing your truth becomes easier after the first one

I wasn't just healing myself, but readers started to share their own unique and similar experiences. I no longer feared embarrassment or intimidation by negative comments. I had even become more open to accepting sympathy from others.

I was helping others come face to face with their shame by sharing my own shame.

Here is just one of the many responses I received from a reader last week.

“I wept the whole time I read your story. I felt such connection , your story so similiar to mine. At 57,not knowing my father still haunts me. I decided on not having children out of fear they will never know their grand father or having to deal with the constant mystery about their origin.. Your advise has helped me to see things from a new perspective. I feel confident that I will one day get past this for the first time……….” Joy M.

As a writer, this has always been my main goal. To touch lives through my writing in a positive way. Today, I not only touch others’ lives, but I’m also experiencing my own healing and transformation.

I've become a fearless writer, no longer bound by shame.

How about you. Will, you allow silence to continue to fuel your shame?.

Thank you for reading. Let's have a conversation in the comments.