Practical Tips You Need To Pick The 5 Or So People In Your Inner Circle
Why do you need an inner circle? Who you need. Who you don’t need in the circle.
First, this selection is not an exercise in packing your circle with a high-powered group of people just because you believe they will open doors for you. An inner circle is not about transactional relationships. It’s far more important than that.
Opportunities will come knocking regardless and having the right people around can you help recognize them when they do. And having the right people that close is the reason membership to this very important layer of friends should never be left to chance.
“An inner circle is not about transactional relationships. It’s far more important than that.”
This should be a circle of your most trusted allies who will, by virtue of their proximity, come to know your intimate details, your dreams, your vulnerabilities as well as your strengths.
That alone is enough reason to ensure that not just anyone obtains this privilege.
A few things you need to keep in focus
- These are friends who will exert considerable influence on your life and to some extent, your thoughts.
- The ideal inner circle should contain no more than 5 people. A circle should not be so large as to take time away from yourself and your loved ones.
- Maintaining a high level of trust and confidence takes time, effort, and sacrifice so the smaller the circle the better.
- An inner circle should consist of friends that will not only be in your corner to cheer you on but can also hold you accountable and stand up to you with the cold, hard truth whenever necessary.
Who do you need in the circle?
The prime candidates obviously include those true friends whose level of commitment to you has never been diminished by time or distance. They are always a good fit.
Other great candidates you’ll do good to include:
- People who give you a sense of community with them where you feel safe and comfortable enough to be yourself and expect sound reasoned, and unbiased feedback;
- Importantly, people who can hold you accountable and tell you uncomfortable truths for your own good;
- People who enable your growth and are not threatened by it or your successes;
- Granted age doesn’t always equate to wisdom but experience is invaluable when it comes to giving advice, so older people are usually a good fit in inner circles.
- People who will open your eyes to new perspectives or opportunities; and
- People you know you can call on with good or bad news because you know they have your back.
Who you don’t want in the circle
“By all means be compassionate but never allow the envious into your inner circle.” — Wayne G. Trotman
Aside from the envious, you could also do without the self-centered, my way or the highway, types. You need to be in control. It’s your inner circle!
Generally, people who are only focused on their own needs and preferences are not much use in endeavors where mutual benefits are central and are certainly no use when it calls for making sacrifices.
Another type you need to avoid is those who believe they are always right. They might gladly give you advice but will get upset when you don’t take it. They probably won’t be there the next time you need them and if they are it will be halfheartedly.
The practical tips for best results
The following are tips on how to curate the membership of those very important people in your life:
Make a careful assessment of the personalities
Remember this group is going to impact your life with their advice, opinions, and behaviors. It’s therefore, vital to pick the right personalities and avoid unnecessary drama.
For instance, if you have some natural-born critics or cynics in your wider circle of friends you should really consider if you want them this close. Although they often try to use the cloak of being “realistic”, their perpetually gloom and doom outlook can end up affecting you by making you always miserable as well.
“Tell me what company you keep, and I will tell you what you are.” -“Don Quixote” by Miguel de Cervantes
Make a careful assessment of demands of time, habits, and activities
You should consider the demands of time and convenience because maintaining that level of connections requires a great deal of time, commitment, and sacrifice. So naturally the fewer friends on this level, the more effectively you will be able to manage it.
Those extremely tasking, low-value, high maintenance, one-sided friendships will need to, at least, be pushed to the outer circles if not cut off completely. This brings us to our next step.
Selecting friends with common goals, interests, and values.
It is always a good idea to keep your inner circle made up of like-minded individuals even though there will be differing opinions and perspectives. And remember you want friends close to you that will not only enable your growth but will not be threatened by it or your successes. Friends with similar goals can do that for you.
Having common interests makes your time together all the more enjoyable and when it comes to holding you accountable and telling you uncomfortable truths it always helps if you have similar values.
Give tactful notice by setting and enforcing boundaries
Obviously, you won’t be required to publish a list of successful inner circle candidates so everyone knows where he/she falls. Therefore, setting and gently but firmly enforcing boundaries is the next best thing.
Boundaries will generally be recognized and respected by all well-meaning people. You should, however, be prepared for those that would still require a more direct approach to make it clear that some areas are off-limits or that you will no longer entertain unnecessary demands on your time.
Never back away from doing this or else, it will defeat the whole purpose of the exercise,
Handling those already too close but don’t deserve a seat at the table
In enforcing boundaries, for those already too close but not suited for that core level position, you have to start spending less time with them and engaging in fewer of their activities. Also, stop discussing the more sensitive matters of your life with them.
The aim here is not to sever ties completely unless the situation calls for it. There is no harm in still being friends on a different level.
To enjoy unlimited access to stories please sign up to join Medium using this link. Your membership fee will directly support me and all the other writers you read at no extra cost to you.
