The Personality Trait That Makes You Vulnerable To Exploitation
Unless you take steps to control it, it continues to act as a homing beacon that exploiters never miss
Some of us are easy to exploit due to a personal trait that makes us vulnerable. This trait is extreme agreeableness, and once you have it, exploiters rarely miss it and will always take advantage by exploiting it to the hilt.
One of the more comprehensive descriptions of agreeable people is that they are individuals that deem it essential to get along with others and as such, they are willing to sacrifice their interests for others. They are helpful, friendly, and generous.
Agreeableness is also a matter of degree. If you are an extremely agreeable person then most likely you take a great deal of interest in others, you derive a lot of joy from their happiness and you are always rushing to their aid. Not to mention that being this heavily invested in the affairs of others can also mean you have little or no care for boundaries. With qualities like these you will, no doubt, have a wide circle of “friends”.
On the flip side, you can have difficulties negotiating on your own behalf because you struggle to assert your own needs. This could be because you are so focused on living for other people that you may not even be sure what you need or want, or you feel that asserting your own needs/wants would lead to conflicts, and agreeable people always shy away from conflict.
Extreme agreeableness can also make you so dependent that you are unable to take a firm stand even on your own interests. It is these vulnerabilities that make you susceptible to exploitation.
Exploiters, on the other hand, are those that are always willing to take unjust advantage of another person’s vulnerability. They are more than willing to manipulate others to meet their own selfish needs. And they will do this regardless of the cost to the agreeable victim.
A “perfect” match
What makes the two (exploiters and extremely agreeable people) sort of a match made in heaven is that agreeable people generally derive great pleasure from serving others, taking care of them, and putting the needs of others above their own anyway and, exploiters just love having their needs met at any cost they don’t have to bear.
So the exploiter’s favorite prey is always found amongst extremely agreeable people because they are more easily manipulated as pushovers.
“…and, exploiters just love having their needs met at any cost they don’t have to bear.”
How to stop being extremely agreeable without coming off as, well, an obstinate jerk
Being agreeable is not such a bad thing in itself because no one likes a perpetually obstinate jerk. We all like people who are friendly, helpful, and generally sociable. It is being too agreeable that enables the predatory exploiters to zoom in.
So a line needs to be drawn between being extremely agreeable and merely agreeable. If you are an extremely agreeable person and wish to put a stop to the exploration there are a few measures you can take:
- Always speak up and say what you feel is right even if you think it may be displeasing to others or may lead to confrontations.
- Don’t run away from confrontations. Once you choose the path of sticking up for yourself and standing your ground, confrontations will be inevitable. However, if they are constructive and handled correctly, confrontations can even enhance relationships. You just need to be prepared for them and always maintain calm control of your emotions.
- Learn to negotiate on your own behalf.
- In situations where you have weighed the pros and cons and are going to be disagreeable, be firm and be prepared to back up your position or perspective. If it means providing examples to prove your case in point then by all mean do so. This may show that you are not just being unreasonably disagreeable.
- Where available offer alternatives to your non-participation. This is not an absolute necessity but it does make the fact that you are disagreeable easier for the other person especially seeing as they are not completely without options.
- Get all the facts before you weigh in. By making inquiries and getting clarifications about the position you are required to go along with or the endeavor you are being asked to commit to you get a clearer picture of whether it is detrimental to your own interests. This way you can decide to be less agreeable.
- Don’t make it personal. Let the other person know that you are merely disagreeing with their position or proposal, you are just not willing to commit but you have nothing against them personally.
- Lastly, never be afraid to concede to a superior argument or position. If after going through all the merits and/or demerits, you find that there is no harm to you committing to an endeavor or acceding to a request then by all means agree. So you don’t come off as just being, you know, an obstinate jerk.
Being agreeable is not always a bad thing but like most things when taken to the extreme, it can hurt you in the long run. That is why it is very important for your well-being to strike a balance.
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