People Need to Know How to Make Themselves Loved
Or stay unhappy forever.
Never give up — this is the true power. Even when the earth flees from under your feet and the sky falls on you, know that you will always find a way out.
I have a desire to run away from everything. To hide in the farthest corner of the world. To run away as fast as I can and as far as I can. But I’m staying. I stand and face everything. Where should I go?
I often wonder why people are so haughty. Why do they have the impression they must own everything?
And then they wonder why others no longer love them…
Not long ago, Caesar, my youngest son, behaved “inappropriately” with his grandmother. I did my moral duty to tell him that his behavior was wrong, but he kept going. Then I noticed him. When the eldest son told me again that his brother did not stop, I replied:
You know, Alex, I told him not to do that anymore, but sometimes people need to know how to make themselves loved.
I don’t know if Alex heard me, but I really don’t care. I’m tired of “teaching” those around me how to make themselves loved. I got tired because I realized that people love in their own, selfish way, sometimes ignoring others.
No, it’s not enough to love the way you want. This love is full of selfishness and ego. If you cannot look at the other and make him feel comfortable and be well… it is not love.
I may speak ambiguously. I wish I could have the power to explain why people need to learn how to make themselves loved and appreciated.
I will provide a simple answer: People need to make themselves loved to be happy.
In fact, no one can tell you what the right way to love is, but we all like the idea of feeling fulfilled around someone.
How Do I Manifest My Love for Someone?
- pay attention to the other’s needs
- observing what he likes and dislikes
- avoiding to make the other feel discomfort
- have the courage to ask for forgiveness
- do not repeat what hurts the other
- to respect the other’s limits
- to offer privacy and freedom to the other
When the above things are not respected, that is more possession and pride than love. That kind of selfishness that is often misidentified as love.
This is how I ended up not loving anymore to a man who didn’t know how to make himself loved. And I know, yes… I know that there is no perfect love; there is no recipe that teachs us how to love.
But I know something else… There is no point in sitting next to a man whose manifestation of love is not compatible with ours. It would not fair to stay near someone incapable of making us happy.
Why stay? Just because we don’t have the certainty that we could find a person whose love is close to the vision we have of love? It does not work that way!
People are amazed that I am ending a marriage that seems to be perfect from the outside. But from the inside, it feels like possession, not love.
I’m tired of being told I’m wrong to give up a marriage because I’m not happy with the way I am loved. His way of loving may not be wrong, but definitely not compatible with mine. It’s simply doesn’t work for me.
I’m tired… Why does everybody consider that they know better and I don’t?
… To those who do not understand, I only say this: You did not live in my shoes, and you did not cry my tears.
I know everything from the outside looked perfect. But I’d rather you didn’t try to convince me of anything.
If this is the biggest mistake I make (as I am told), I will live with it. The same way I lived, experiencing everything that made me make this decision. I will feel the consequences on my own skin. You will not feel anything! Like you didn’t feel anything every time my soul was torn into pieces.
Yes, from a social point of view, I had everything I wanted. You’re right! But isn’t it obvious why I’m giving up everything? My decision is strictly emotional. I’ve been told that what I desire is utopian.
But Why Does It Matter?
I strongly believe that people need to learn how to make themselves loved and stop loving selfishly. Or to find the type of person compatible with the way they love. I am not that person. For me, the “opposites that attract” does not work. It’s actually that simple.
Let’s read this quote together:
“You can’t let people scare you. You can’t go your whole life trying to please everyone else. You can’t go through life worried about what everyone else is going to think. Whether it’s your hair, clothes, what you have to say, how you feel, what you believe and what you have. You can’t let the judgment of others stop you from being you. Because if you do, you’re no longer you. You’re someone everyone else wants you to be.” — Steve Maraboli #TodaysMantra
If the overall impression is that I’m giving up, the truth is that things are exactly the opposite. When the earth began to flee from under my feet, and the sky fell on me, I found a way out.
I had a desire to run away from everything. But I don’t want to run anymore. I stopped running and started looking for what I desire: peace, love, and happiness.
Instead of running, I started to change things.
Never give up — this is true power!