avatarNicole Wallet

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Abstract

s</h2><p id="c287">Seeing all of this in word form is helpful. I could call my thoughts ridiculous, and they are, but they are my actual thoughts and feelings.</p><p id="716d">They are valid.</p><p id="294c">Instead of looking at this as a negative, I consider it a positive thing. I took my chaotic thoughts and half-thoughts and typed them into complete questions.</p><p id="adbb">When I read the questions, I answered them as if another person were asking. Stepping away from these thoughts as my own, it seems so simple.</p><p id="a789">I reassured myself like I would reassure a friend.</p><h2 id="4bbf">A shift in my perspective</h2><p id="92e8">All this time, I was boohooing about my social awkwardness that I hadn’t thought about the other person.</p><p id="e368"><b>What if she had similar anxiety about this coffee date?</b></p><p id="e444">My thoughts were distracting me from empathizing. How selfish is that?</p><p id="26dc">There are other people with social anxiety, I’m not special.</p><p id="e14a">Sheesh.</p><p id="29f6">I will go get coffee with a person I don’t really know and I will be grateful that she is helping me with my project.</p><p id="a640">No more thoughts are necessary on this topic, I just need to show up at the agreed time.</p><p id="bd7b">Everything will work out great and I will make a new friend.</p><p id="a841">My project will be awesome, people will cheer and give a standing ovation.</p><p id="0227">I will become Ms. Small-Town Hero/ Queen of Smalltown, and I will be famous.</p><p id="c2eb">Simple as that. End of Story</p><div id="1302" class="link-block"> <a href="https://medium.com/@nicolewallet/membership"> <div> <div> <h2>Join Medium with my referral link - Ni

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cole Wallet</h2> <div><h3>As a Medium member, a portion of your membership fee goes to writers you read, and you get full access to every story…</h3></div> <div><p>medium.com</p></div> </div> <div> <div style="background-image: url(https://miro.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:320/0*k77B7K_XTJPdOsKb)"></div> </div> </div> </a> </div><p id="f213">More from this author</p><div id="6e0d" class="link-block"> <a href="https://readmedium.com/watching-imposters-makes-me-want-to-be-a-pickpocket-7339736465f3"> <div> <div> <h2>Watching ‘Imposters’ Makes Me Want to Be a Pickpocket</h2> <div><h3>The Netflix show has me considering a new career</h3></div> <div><p>medium.com</p></div> </div> <div> <div style="background-image: url(https://miro.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:320/0*Vb08r8W48-XZypP8)"></div> </div> </div> </a> </div><div id="b616" class="link-block"> <a href="https://readmedium.com/social-touch-is-a-powerful-force-in-human-development-9f358db5c8f5"> <div> <div> <h2>Social Touch Is a Powerful Force in Human Development</h2> <div><h3>Kids need a minimum of 9 points of contact daily</h3></div> <div><p>medium.com</p></div> </div> <div> <div style="background-image: url(https://miro.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:320/1*6o77eBDMkEE7ohD4d0xxwQ.jpeg)"></div> </div> </div> </a> </div></article></body>

Overthinking Coffee Plans with a New Friend

A day in the life of an introvert

Photo by William Moreland on Unsplash

The plan to get coffee is all my fault.

For an upcoming project, I created some fancy documents. The next step is to pitch the idea to the higher-ups in charge.

To make sure I was on the right track, I reached out to someone who had offered to help me.

We chatted for a bit, and before I knew it, I had agreed to meet up for a coffee.

How did this happen?

My preferred method of communication is email or texting. If those aren’t good enough, I will take phone calls. And only when it’s super necessary, I will meet up in person.

This is not something I do regularly so my brain is working overtime.

It sounds so casual. Grab a coffee.

While it’s no big deal to the average person, it’s an overthinker’s nightmare. My thoughts show up as,

  • What if I forget everything I need to ask?
  • What if she doesn’t want to meet with me after all?
  • Am I wasting her time?
  • What if she wants to talk longer than I do?
  • What if she makes me mad and I act like an ass?

These are all possible, and these are only some of the thoughts I have on the subject.

Forming words from my thoughts

Seeing all of this in word form is helpful. I could call my thoughts ridiculous, and they are, but they are my actual thoughts and feelings.

They are valid.

Instead of looking at this as a negative, I consider it a positive thing. I took my chaotic thoughts and half-thoughts and typed them into complete questions.

When I read the questions, I answered them as if another person were asking. Stepping away from these thoughts as my own, it seems so simple.

I reassured myself like I would reassure a friend.

A shift in my perspective

All this time, I was boohooing about my social awkwardness that I hadn’t thought about the other person.

What if she had similar anxiety about this coffee date?

My thoughts were distracting me from empathizing. How selfish is that?

There are other people with social anxiety, I’m not special.

Sheesh.

I will go get coffee with a person I don’t really know and I will be grateful that she is helping me with my project.

No more thoughts are necessary on this topic, I just need to show up at the agreed time.

Everything will work out great and I will make a new friend.

My project will be awesome, people will cheer and give a standing ovation.

I will become Ms. Small-Town Hero/ Queen of Smalltown, and I will be famous.

Simple as that. End of Story

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Self Improvement
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This Happened To Me
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