Social Touch Is a Powerful Force in Human Development
Kids need a minimum of 9 points of contact daily
Hugs, kisses, and collar fixes
A pat on the back, a shoulder rub, and mom-smooches on the cheek are crucial for a child’s development. That gross thing when moms lick their thumb and then wipe the crud off your face also counts. A minimum of 9 points of touch every day for a healthy, happy life.
Starting in infancy, social touch has an impact on neural, behavioral, and physiological development. Of the 5 senses, touch is the first to develop. This is why skin-to-skin contact is so important to newborns, as it promotes weight gain, shorter hospital stays, and stronger neural responses.
Newborns need that feeling of security and love after leaving the cozy home that Mom supplied for 9 months.
Parental touch benefits the parent too
Oxytocin, the “love drug” is a hormone associated with empathy, trust, and it is linked with reducing stress and anxiety. Higher levels of Oxytocin are found when parents are grooming or holding their babies. These high-contact parents see fewer behavioral and social problems in their children later.
So if you don’t want trouble makers, show some more affection.
As a baby gets older, touch is found by helping babies sit up, crawl, and then take their first steps. Toddlers being the ‘hand-full’ that they are, touch is required to keep them safe. Their exploratory nature leads them into dangerous territory, so we step in to pull them back to safety.
Physical touch is decreased as kids grow because they are becoming more independent. As they learn to walk, talk, eat, and get themselves dressed, we have less physical interaction.
This is the crucial time to keep up the human contact.
At some magical age, kids get embarrassed by their parents. I remember wiping a kiss from my cheek with a disgusted face. I also rolled my eyes, plugged my ears, and did other obnoxious crap. Kids can be mean!
If I could go back, I would soak up every bit of affection and human touch as possible.
If my niece or nephews try to deny my hugs and kisses, guess what- I’m going to smooch them even more. That’s what aunties are supposed to do, right?
Later I’ll explain to them that I am affectionate for their own good. That it’s their life I am saving by petting their hair, kissing their forehead, pinching the back of their necks, and rocking them like a baby at 5 years old.
Pre-teens and teens still need affection
Finding 9 points of contact at the pre-teen stage will be difficult, but still necessary. Human touch can even be fixing a tag on their t-shirt or tucking their hair back away from their face. A hand on the shoulder while you ask how school went today. Pat on the back, a high five, or feel their forehead when they aren’t feeling well.
- fixing a tag on their t-shirt
- Tucking back their hair away from their face
- hand on their shoulder with “how was school today?”
- Pat on the back or a high-five
- hand on their forehead to check for a fever
The point is that a simple grooming tactic like straightening their collar is a way to show that you care about their well-being. It makes them feel important like their appearance should reflect how great of a person they are.
Little points of contact make people feel connected. Little reminders that we are worth loving.
What happens without touch?
Most of the negative effects are long-term. Touch deprived people are more prone to mental illness, violence, and weaker immune systems. Researchers have said that the effects of touch deprivation are worse than physical abuse.
A study of eating disorders shows that women with poor body image reported a lack of nurture and affection as children. The participants with poor body image also report that they do not get enough touch as adults.
Because of touch deprivation, people are tearing themselves down. They feel unwanted and unloved and believe that their body is the reason. That chain of thoughts is just one of the many horrible outcomes of lack of human touch.
How did we become so touch-deprived?
According to a psychology professor in Texas, David R. Cross, Ph.D. there are 3 reasons we got to this tragic, no-touch way of life.
- Technology- We have technology instead of face-to-face interactions. Social media is the norm now. We used to meet up with friends for lunch to catch up. Now, all that information is available instantly, reducing our social interactions.
- Fear of sexual innuendo- with the lingering fear of sexual harassment lawsuits, interactions that could be harmless flirting get twisted so badly, that Americans are afraid to say or do anything. Even a hug can be turned into harassment or exploitation.
- Low awareness of the issue-The ill-effects are simply not that obvious and don’t receive much attention. We are oblivious to the damage being done while life passes by.
What can we do about touch deprivation?
The first thing to do is research and investigate. Like anything, gain some insight on the issue. Be curious. Search and learn until you have an understanding for yourself. Look from all different points of view.
From there, take actions that are the best for you and your loved ones. I would like to say that this will fix humanity and create more well-rounded people. However, there may be other factors playing a part in touch deprivation. Perhaps a family shows affection in other ways. Just maybe.
Speaking from my own experience, I can say that I am deprived of human connection. I admit that made it worse by isolating and avoiding, and it’s something I am working on.
Because nobody should have to feel this hollow.
My wish for the world is to re-connect. Talk to people, make eye contact, give someone a hug for crying out loud. Pat your kid on the back, fix their collar, help them put on a jacket- anything.
Show people that you care about them. It will be good for both of you.
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