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Abstract

<b><i>“Hey Adam, are you free over the next hour and a half? I want to talk about our respective life stories and how far we’ve come on this journey we call life.”</i></b></p><p id="a014"><b><i>“Hi, get fucked please. I’m having a cute bubble bath here.”</i></b></p><p id="5966">It does my tits in so much — just text me for the love of God.</p><p id="948c">My worst nightmare is honestly being trapped in a murderer’s warehouse. I text someone for help and they message back saying they’ll ring to explain to me how to escape.</p><p id="c7ed">I’d rather get murdered.</p><p id="eb08">I’d get a bit of peace then.</p><p id="8f7a">Please, next time you think about ringing me just think…does Adam really need to hear my voice? Wouldn’t he prefer a lovely text message instead?</p><p id="2a5e">Thank you so much…and happy texting!</p><p id="bc25">All the best,</p><p id="ea2b"><b>Adam <i>“The Twinkle Thumbed Texter</i>” Robinson</b></p><p id="2ea1">If you’ve been affected by anything mentioned in the above open letter, then please ring the following support line on…</p><p id="0104">Wait!</p><p id="1208">NO!</p><p id="3e70">No!</p><p id="d5c1">Do <b>NOT</b> ring!</p><div id="40d0" class="link-block"> <a href="https://r

Options

eadmedium.com/open-letter-to-the-guy-stood-right-next-to-me-at-the-urinal-faac8ff96fc0"> <div> <div> <h2>Open Letter To The Guy Stood Right Next To Me At The Urinal</h2> <div><h3>All I want is a happy wee. That’s all I want for myself.</h3></div> <div><p>medium.com</p></div> </div> <div> <div style="background-image: url(https://miro.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:320/1*GtHdwu1oqgaoy9cQ46ojtA.jpeg)"></div> </div> </div> </a> </div><div id="58fd" class="link-block"> <a href="https://readmedium.com/open-letter-to-simon-who-took-my-number-one-spot-on-duolingo-f07156de68ee"> <div> <div> <h2>Open Letter To Simon Who Took My Number One Spot On Duolingo</h2> <div><h3>No bueno, Simon…</h3></div> <div><p>medium.com</p></div> </div> <div> <div style="background-image: url(https://miro.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:320/1*PhkT3cQL7VihUbgeUExNGA.jpeg)"></div> </div> </div> </a> </div></article></body>

Phone Humor

Open Letter To People Who Prefer Calling — Not Texting

Can’t I just forget to reply to your message instead?!

**The dude with the glasses really didn’t enjoy that fart** — Photo: Rasheed Kemy on Unsplash

Dear people who prefer to call and not text,

Why are you like this?

All I want to do is see your message then reply in about 10 days' time. This gives me enough time to think about my reply — plus I really can’t be arsed talking to you right now.

There I am having a lovely bath with my cucumber slices on my eyes surrounded by my scented lavender candles — real manly shit — then I get a facetime… UGGGHHHHH!

It’s your facetime — let’s see what you want.

“Hey Adam, are you free over the next hour and a half? I want to talk about our respective life stories and how far we’ve come on this journey we call life.”

“Hi, get fucked please. I’m having a cute bubble bath here.”

It does my tits in so much — just text me for the love of God.

My worst nightmare is honestly being trapped in a murderer’s warehouse. I text someone for help and they message back saying they’ll ring to explain to me how to escape.

I’d rather get murdered.

I’d get a bit of peace then.

Please, next time you think about ringing me just think…does Adam really need to hear my voice? Wouldn’t he prefer a lovely text message instead?

Thank you so much…and happy texting!

All the best,

Adam “The Twinkle Thumbed Texter” Robinson

If you’ve been affected by anything mentioned in the above open letter, then please ring the following support line on…

Wait!

NO!

No!

Do NOT ring!

Open Letter To The Guy Stood Right Next To Me At The Urinal

All I want is a happy wee. That’s all I want for myself.

medium.com

Open Letter To Simon Who Took My Number One Spot On Duolingo

No bueno, Simon…

medium.com