Toilets and life

Open Letter To The Guy Stood Right Next To Me At The Urinal

All I want is a happy wee. That’s all I want for myself.

Dear guy who has stood right next to me at the urinal,

I’m just trying to enjoy my wee. I want to get my business done in a comfortable fashion. If you get right up close to me I get scared and I can’t go.

I then feel like you are judging me for not being able to pee and you think I’m some sort of piss pervert who is just watching everybody else go to the toilet. It’s not me who’s the perv…it’s you — the guy who’s stood right next to me peeing freely. You’re the weird one!

You had all the urinals in the world to choose from. Yet, you came to the one right next to me.

WHY?!

You are selfishly pissing! Blissfully unaware I am in a state of pure panic. I’m bursting to answer mother nature’s call, yet I cannot go.

You are going against nature, sir. You are putting a halt on a natural process of life by stopping me going to the toilet.

Can’t you just pee over there and I’ll pee over here? You would then have my respect. We could nod heads at each other whilst we wash our hands. We could then head out into the big wide world with our bladders empty, and our pride full.

But no!

You have ruined this dream. You have made my pee retreat like Donald Trump at a civil rights rally.

I’ve written this letter so that you never make someone feel as uncomfortable as you made me feel that day. I was vulnerable, and you took advantage of that.

Men should be able to pee in a comfortable environment. You judged me, and now because of that trauma, my therapist can go on vacation in the Bahamas.

There are tons of urinals for us males to use for a reason — you penis fluid stealer! If you ever do this again I will take you to court! Mainly because I can’t keep holding my wee and wetting myself at my desk. My boss was very clear about this.

You can take our piss, but you will never take our freedom! ❤

Hope you are well,

Adam “The Uncomfortable Pisser” Robinson