avatarTom McLaughlin

Free AI web copilot to create summaries, insights and extended knowledge, download it at here

2196

Abstract

a Shopper.</i></p><h2 id="f44d">Soda Nerve of this Man! by Belinda P.</h2><p id="b6a3" type="7">This man. I have had it. I hope he is doing all these things on purpose, because if he isn’t, well I don’t know what.</p><p id="c93d" type="7">Selfish.</p><p id="80b0" type="7">The thing is when he gets me a soda, he opens it and takes the first sip.</p><p id="c7c3" type="7">That’s the best sip!</p><p id="612d" type="7">There’s more, but my arthritis is acting up and I still have to make the grocery list. A week early, no less. Thought he was funny laying out the whole hog from Dave’s Meats — you know, down on the corner by Richard’s Penny Vegetable stand — veggies aren’t a penny, by the way.</p><p id="f7a8" type="7">Anyway, he covered the hog with a sheet and threw it in the middle of the living room. About had a heart attack.</p><p id="1bb2">Aunt Ida had to be calmed down after her outburst, including such statements as, “Business? Only business he has is other people’s he can’t stay out of,” and “if you call coffee at dawn with the other male biddies at the Kwik-e-Mart a ‘business!’”</p><p id="0dd0">Earl could be seen snickering as he doodled on his paper.</p><p id="3b5b">Thank you for listening to ‘Who Gives a Shit?’ Please rate, review and subscribe. Anything but five stars and the show will be relegated to the annals of the basement’s back shelf of the archives, never to be heard from again. Also, donate.</p><p id="edc6">Please. I’m not sugar-coating it anymore. I need to get out of my mother’s basement. I’ll keep doing the podcast, but it is REALLY difficult trying to be unbiased when my mom cooks and cleans for me.</p><p id="16ce">Confession: In last week’s podcast, she wasn’t innocent. She TOTALLY threw my Punisher comics in the toilet. There I said it — Anyway —</p><p id="9a42">Like and subscribe. Thanks for listening!</p><p id="f084"><i>Please help.</i></p><div id="d2fc" class="link-block"> <a href="https://olafvulture.medium.com/subscribe"> <div> <div> <h2>You know you want to....</h2> <div><h3>Edit description</h3></div> <div><p>olafvulture.medium.com</p></div>

Options

   </div>
          <div>
            <div style="background-image: url(https://miro.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:320/0*599_EWDQKxLXjA1N)"></div>
          </div>
        </div>
      </a>
    </div><div id="1589" class="link-block">
      <a href="https://olafvulture.medium.com/alice-hardy-cold-blooded-killer-9f937cdbafb1">
        <div>
          <div>
            <h2>Alice Hardy: Cold-blooded Killer</h2>
            <div><h3>Jason was framed</h3></div>
            <div><p>olafvulture.medium.com</p></div>
          </div>
          <div>
            <div style="background-image: url(https://miro.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:320/1*CifYCsg8ec6Yk1rS2ddhyg.jpeg)"></div>
          </div>
        </div>
      </a>
    </div><div id="6048" class="link-block">
      <a href="https://readmedium.com/bad-boy-johnny-depp-absconded-with-my-cheeseburger-down-his-pants-25a2df926f49">
        <div>
          <div>
            <h2>Bad Boy Johnny Depp Absconded With My Cheeseburger Down His Pants</h2>
            <div><h3>All in the name of method acting</h3></div>
            <div><p>medium.com</p></div>
          </div>
          <div>
            <div style="background-image: url(https://miro.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:320/0*EFOMWH_xtlfx113R)"></div>
          </div>
        </div>
      </a>
    </div><div id="1376" class="link-block">
      <a href="https://readmedium.com/nude-mimicry-of-tigers-prohibited-cf24bbcd459">
        <div>
          <div>
            <h2>Nude Mimicry of Tigers Prohibited</h2>
            <div><h3>There’s always someone to ruin it for everyone else</h3></div>
            <div><p>medium.com</p></div>
          </div>
          <div>
            <div style="background-image: url(https://miro.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:320/0*Rxl7hiNxaTAJqgfP)"></div>
          </div>
        </div>
      </a>
    </div><figure id="3e2b"><img src="https://cdn-images-1.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:800/1*NBM0apbdcUhA-DIVQfXgug.png"><figcaption></figcaption></figure></article></body>

MIDWEST MISHAPS

‘Ope: A Midwest Scandal

I am so team Aunt Ida

Photo by Gregory Hayes on Unsplash

Thank you for listening to ‘Who Gives a Shit?,” a podcast where I take a look at literally anything but what is going on in today’s shitshow of a nation. I’m sure my regular listeners will agree when I say there is no shortage of shit in this small town. Just last week, we talked to Postmaster Velma about the perils of mail delivery.

Update: the Rogue boxlicker has been apprehended. Velma sincerely apologizes for the delay in delivery and wet boxes.

I‘m here live outside my great aunt Ida’s home in Smalltown, Iowa and we’re day 42 into my Uncle Earl’s defamation suit against his wife, my aunt Belinda.

The proceedings are being held in my aunt Ida’s dining room. My cousin Jared, who thought about going to law school after watching a season of Law & Order, is Earl’s lawyer. Aunt Belinda said she didn’t need one, because Jared's an idiot.

Uncle Darryl said he would be the judge. Aunt Ida, who has to live with him and is a pretty good judge of character herself, said, “Yeah. Great choice! He can’t even judge which show to watch on the TV.”

The trial is still going. I just — The smell is of the like I have never experienced. Ida says she doesn’t have any cats, but I swear I smell the feces of a dozen soul stealers wafting through the plaster and lathe of this yet-to-be-fixed fixer-upper. Throw in uncle Darryl’s foot fungus and his insistence on wearing flip-flops during the flip-flop season.

Earl said that allegations made by Belinda to the Iowa County Mega Shopper have “fucked with” his business.

Excerpt from the ‘Ope, ‘Scuse Me section Iowa County Mega Shopper.

Soda Nerve of this Man! by Belinda P.

This man. I have had it. I hope he is doing all these things on purpose, because if he isn’t, well I don’t know what.

Selfish.

The thing is when he gets me a soda, he opens it and takes the first sip.

That’s the best sip!

There’s more, but my arthritis is acting up and I still have to make the grocery list. A week early, no less. Thought he was funny laying out the whole hog from Dave’s Meats — you know, down on the corner by Richard’s Penny Vegetable stand — veggies aren’t a penny, by the way.

Anyway, he covered the hog with a sheet and threw it in the middle of the living room. About had a heart attack.

Aunt Ida had to be calmed down after her outburst, including such statements as, “Business? Only business he has is other people’s he can’t stay out of,” and “if you call coffee at dawn with the other male biddies at the Kwik-e-Mart a ‘business!’”

Earl could be seen snickering as he doodled on his paper.

Thank you for listening to ‘Who Gives a Shit?’ Please rate, review and subscribe. Anything but five stars and the show will be relegated to the annals of the basement’s back shelf of the archives, never to be heard from again. Also, donate.

Please. I’m not sugar-coating it anymore. I need to get out of my mother’s basement. I’ll keep doing the podcast, but it is REALLY difficult trying to be unbiased when my mom cooks and cleans for me.

Confession: In last week’s podcast, she wasn’t innocent. She TOTALLY threw my Punisher comics in the toilet. There I said it — Anyway —

Like and subscribe. Thanks for listening!

Please help.

Satire
Humor
Farming
Comedy
Podcast
Recommended from ReadMedium