Only Murders in the Building: What the Show Teaches Us About Identity & Self-Esteem
Our Self-Esteem Is Like a Building & Bunny Shows Us What Happens if You Don’t Take Care Of It
Honestly, I only started watching the series ‘Only Murders in the Building’ because I didn’t have anything better to do. But, wow, I was pleasantly surprised!
The cast is brilliant. The story is original. And the quirky characters of the show make it truly special. The icing on the cake: The show teaches us something about identity and self-esteem.
Our Self-Worth Is A Building
In the world of ‘Only Murders in the Building,’ the Arconia building takes center stage. It serves not only as the backdrop for the mystery surrounding the murder of Tim Kono but also serves as the perfect metaphor for our identity.
Just as the Arconia rises with its majestic architecture, our own identity can be thought of as a building, according to psychologist Hilarion Petzold. In this metaphor, our identity can be likened to the roof, which relies on the support of several essential pillars to stand strong and proud.
Each of these pillars represents a critical facet of our lives and personal development, like our relationships, our physical well-being, our work, our career, our sense of achievement, our financial stability, and the values and ideals we hold.
The Danger of Unstable Pillars
The perpetually grumpy Bunny Folger, a resident of the Arconia, learns firsthand the dangers of building your identity on just one pillar.
In a powerful scene in season 2, she advises the waiter at her favorite café:
Don’t let yourself love just one thing. Because if you only love one thing, and that one thing goes away, well… then you’re left with nothing. And that sucks.
Her entire personality is built upon her role as the chairperson of the building. However, with retirement on the horizon, she has no idea who she is anymore — which catapults her into a deep hole of despair.
That’s because our identity is closely entangled with our self-esteem. If we lack a clear understanding of who we are, we cannot harbor a positive attitude toward ourselves either. However, a healthy self-esteem is exceptionally important for our well-being.
Its significance in our daily lives is overwhelming: while low self-esteem is associated with negative experiences such as intense self-criticism and plays a role in the development and maintenance of various mental health conditions, high self-esteem influences future successes and our overall well-being in relationships, career, and health.
Strengthen Your Pillars
‘Only Murders in the Building’ teaches us that our roof can only be as stable as the foundation on which it stands. If only some of the pillars are robust, while others are crumbling or dilapidated, the building is in danger of collapse.
The show invites us to consider our own ‘Identity building.’ Are we putting too much weight on one pillar, neglecting the others that make us who we are?
So take Bunny’s advice to avoid a fate like hers: don’t let yourself love just one thing. Build your identity & your self-esteem on multiple pillars. That way, you ensure your resilience — even in the face of life’s unexpected twists and turns.
To stay updated on all my stories about children of alcoholics and how Mental Health is portrayed in movies and TV, be sure to subscribe to my email notifications. Also, I always appreciate claps and comments as feedback on how you liked this topic in particular!
