My Experience Being Diagnosed with Autism as an Adult — One Year Later

The best 150$ I spent was on my autism diagnosis.

It’s been a year since I sat down with a psychologist for my Autism diagnosis appointment.

In late 2020, YouTube started recommending me videos of women sharing their experiences of being diagnosed with Autism in adulthood.

Every single video I watched, I was stunned. I felt they were describing my life experience and my shortcomings.

A few months later, I decided to pursue an official diagnosis.

I was very nervous about my first appointment. I held a notebook in my hands where I wrote all the reasons why I thought I was Autistic and several moments that highlighted them. We started talking about animals (I can’t remember why) and the psychologist said he had rescued a new cat on a Tuesday. He called him Tuesday.

“Ok, he’s fine. I’ll be fine”, I thought.

Pursuing a diagnosis wasn’t as much a decision, as something I felt I needed to do.

A few months prior, I thought Autism was something that was diagnosed in toddlers who couldn’t make friends and liked trains. My idea of Autism was very limited by what I saw on news articles or shows like the big bang theory. I never thought of myself as Autistic. I didn’t know people could be diagnosed past childhood.

I desperately needed someone to validate that I was indeed Autistic. I was 99% sure. I didn’t just watch the videos. I went down the rabbit hole and did the Autistic thing. I read books and scientific articles, I read about other people’s experiences growing up undiagnosed. I did all the online tests.

Still, I felt like an imposter. What if I’m just trying to find something to explain my shortcomings? What if I’m not actually Autistic?

I talked about my childhood and teenage years for hours and was diagnosed with Autism.

I thought I would feel a huge relief after my diagnosis and it was relieving but also anti-climatic. Telling people was hard, and they were still suspicious about it even though I could say “I was diagnosed, you know.” According to this study, most people diagnosed as adults disclose their diagnosis to friends, but only 40% disclose it to extended family.

I could be driving and a certain moment would pop in my mind. A moment where I thought I shouldn’t have “freaked out” or overreacted and suddenly I realize I was just having a meltdown. And this goes on for more moments than I can count.

I wondered about what it would have been like if I had been diagnosed as a child. Or a teenager. Would I have gotten more support at university? Would it have made any difference at all?

I was diagnosed with depression which is fairly common since about 70% of autistic adults struggle with mental illness.

I started writing about being Autistic and have learned a lot about it.

For starters, I’m now aware of the fact that getting a diagnosis is impossible for some people for financial reasons or lack of ability from professionals to diagnose people who mask. And thus of the importance of self-diagnosis.

Although I did get a diagnosis (and it cost me about 150$), I couldn’t get one through the public system and had to go to the private system. It is, however, possible to get a diagnosis in the public system for children. You can also get support for children post-diagnosis in the public system. But for adults? Not really. Either you pay a few hundred dollars a month for private therapy or you just don’t do therapy.

This is also not unusual. In this study, about the experiences of adults getting a diagnosis in New Zeeland, people stated that their diagnosis brought them relief but there was a lack of post-diagnostic support for their needs.

I also learned a lot from reading here. About other people’s experiences being diagnosed in adulthood (by Serenity Jean), on Autistic burnout (by Scot Butwell), on finding beauty in Autism (by Tori Morales), on employment in Autism (by Sarah Reade), on the challenges of executive dysfunction (by Kirsty Kendall), on Autistic meltdowns (by Justine L), on the spiky profile on Autism (by Chelsey Flood), on the terms for Autists and Allies (by Meg Hartley), on wellness culture and ableism (by BloodyWinter01♾✡️🎧🍓), on the connection between Autism and anorexia (by Julia Marsiglio), on undiagnosed Autism (by Keira Fulton-Lees). And many, many others.

One year ago, I was diagnosed with Autism at 27. It’s been a long process (and I can imagine it will continue to be) of self-discovery, of accepting who I am (and have always been), and the way things turned out (only getting diagnosed at 27).

It was interesting, she mused to herself, how life sometimes simply gave you a whole new perspective by waiting around long enough for you to see it.

The Midnight Library by Matt Haig

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