One Question for Guys Who Send Dick Pics — “Why?!”

I just don’t get it. Am I a prude? Am I unconsciously hyperwoke? Does my ignorance explain my lack of sex life?

Sexual harassment is never fun for the person on the receiving end. And one of the complaints I hear most often from women (and even teenaged girls) is when men/boys will text unsolicited photos of their penises.

They presumably do this because they view it as a way to “market” their perceived beauty to potential girlfriends or sex partners. But I really don’t get it.

Maybe I’m just dense…or maybe I deserve to have my “Man Card” revoked? But this practice is extremely mind-boggling to me.

Could it be due to the fact that I’m gay? — and, in my experience, male/male sexual partners are so often mutually terrified, beforehand, about what the other guy whom we’re into will think of our cock.

Or perhaps it’s because I have autism?…and my outlook on nudity in general is so different from those of so many neurotypical men.

Nudity & Me

I don’t consider myself a “prude” when it comes to sex or nudity. But, personally and individually, I’d only feel comfortable being stark naked in front of others if it’s one of the following situations:

• when needing to be examined by a doctor, including medical emergencies
• changing clothes in a locker room, before/after showering or swimming
• using communal (“gang-style”) showers in a group setting
• making love with a future boyfriend or husband
• goofing around while on a fun all-guys trip/retreat/ritual
• paying off an embarrassing dare or bet that I’ve lost (and even then, I’d probably need to be drunk and would cover my groin in mixed company)

And, even in these situations…a majority of the time, I’d prefer that it’s only other dudes who get to see my penis. That’s my comfort level — and I realize it’s probably in contrast to what “most men” supposedly feel comfortable doing (especially when they are heterosexual).

But I sure as hell wouldn’t go on Grindr or Scruff, strike up a suggestive conversation with a male stranger, and then send him a dick pic. How do I know I can trust this dude? What makes me so confident he won’t weaponize it as an excuse to publicly humiliate me, if our “relationship” goes awry?

If you’re a guy who loves sending dick pics to women…what makes you so sure that she won’t use those visuals to hurt you or mock your reputation, in the future?

I’m Not a Damn Pin-Up Model!

I remember my only long-term relationship, which was in its final months during late-2012. That October, I was traveling on an out-of-town trip. My then-boyfriend texted me, asking me to text him back a “sexy picture” of myself.

Using a marker, I wrote out the word “SEXY” on a large piece of paper…and that’s literally the photo I texted back to him.

He gave me grief and put more pressure on me…but I didn’t cave to his demands.

In hindsight, I think he was just desperate to connect with me amidst the shortfalls of our long-distance relationship. On some level, I also probably knew we’d be ending things in the near-future. Subconsciously, I may have been afraid he’d consider using that “sexy pic” against me, in some way.

This off-putting exchange could be part of the reason why I haven’t had a long-term romantic/sexual relationship with any guys since then.

And why I’m still single.

By contrast, there’s a guy I’ve recently met online, and we’re really into each other. We’ve had tons of intellectual, cerebral, emotional — and, yes, sexual! — conversations over messenger. After several months, he asked me if he could share a nude photograph of himself with me.

But he ASKED, first. He didn’t just send it to me without my consent.

And it wasn’t a closeup shot of his penis. It was an extremely classy and artful black-and-white picture. A self-photograph, presumably used with a tripod. A full-body shot of him standing, gloriously vulnerable, not even looking directly at the camera.

The point is: I had a general idea of what I’d be seeing, beforehand. Because he TOLD me. And, based on his prior description, I was comfortable with seeing him presented to me in that way.

And no, I’m not going to share the photo with all of you…

“Sexy Pics” Must Be Reciprocal

If someone just sent me a nude photograph of themselves, out of the blue — without warning, and when there was no preexisting emotional connection between us — I’d be creeped out, to say the least. In fact, I’d wonder if maybe I had a potential stalker in my sphere.

As I’ve written about before: a lot of my modesty has arisen from the cellulism (i.e., severe acne) I dealt with, back when I was a teenager and a younger adult. By itself, I find nudity to be a beautiful and healthy condition.

I have so much respect and admiration for women and men who agree to serve as nude models (in life-drawing classes). Or who do full-frontal nude scenes in movies and television. Or who get naked onstage as part of a theatre performance. Or who give us only a full rear shot with the fronts of their bodies turned away from cameras/spectators.

I’d even place porn in this category…despite the fact that I don’t personally consume most mainstream pornography. I’m a gay “side,” so I don’t wish to partake in anal penetration…and I’m not really a big fan of watching it, either.

But the difference is: in those cases, the audience is consenting to being there. Usually, there’s also a disclaimer that warns viewers they’re about to see someone’s partially- or fully-naked body.

If you’re a straight dude: imagine that I, out of the blue, texted you a photo of my fully-erect penis — where I’m almost on the edge of ejaculation. And let’s suppose I’ve typed out a note for you that says: “I CAN’T WAIT TO SHOVE THIS IN YOUR MOUTH. CHARM MY SNAKE, PLEASE!”

Many of you would be grossed out, right? At the very least, you’d feel violated or betrayed? That I’m taking advantage of our friendship, or that I can’t be trusted to respect your bodily sovereignty?

Of course, I’d never actually do that to anyone…because I realize that a majority of men have no interest in becoming my homosexual lover.

We’re just bros. And I value that for what it is. I realize our potential communal nudity is never going to cross those boundaries I’d bullet-pointed earlier in this article.

Not Actually “The Typical Guy”

I’m not going to claim to be an expert on dating heterosexual (or bisexual) women.

Because I’m not one.

But I’ve talked about this with many male friends. Most of them insist they’d never send an unsolicited nude photo of themselves to a girl (or to another guy) unless they’d been dating seriously for awhile.

And, even then, they’d be hesitant.

Have I just associated myself with an abnormally-dignified class of friends?

Or are the archetypes of men who engage in the dick pic perversions so brazen and shameless that it seems they are somehow representing a larger portion of the male population?

Are there any men who enjoy sending dick pics who can explain this to me?

Again, there is absolutely nothing wrong with us — as men — being horny. It’s natural. In some cases, it’s even healthy and acceptable amongst casual friends (or acquaintances) if it’s somehow known that everybody there enjoys raunchy talk.

But, as much as I love basking in my own horniness…I only choose to share that part of myself with other men when we have a romantic/sexual connection. Or, if he’s a platonic buddy — someone whose own comfort level is already in line with mine.

Can any heterosexual dudes out there give me some insight on this?

Am I just a weirdo?

I guess maybe Gonzo from The Muppet Show is my spirit animal.