avatarMichael Burg, MD (Satire Sommelier) 😬

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2><p id="3db8">Endlessly tolerated.</p><p id="0a0a">I could stop right here. That alone would be reason to stay.</p><h2 id="885b">2️⃣ I’ll always feel superior to someone</h2><p id="c9ec">As above. Reason enough to stick it out.</p><h2 id="fe30">3️⃣ F-4-F culture</h2><p id="f7fb">Following anyone will result in a better than 50:50 chance they’ll follow back. Then my lancinating loneliness will ease … transiently.</p><h2 id="34b9">4️⃣ Bots</h2><p id="ab88">Always available to buck up my self esteem.</p><h2 id="9d4e">5️⃣ Listicles</h2><p id="497e">See! 😀</p><h2 id="4ee6">6️⃣ Typing in @mbu… makes my name appear on a list</h2><p id="9830">I can feel the piloerection forming as I type the words above.</p><h2 id="e8e3">7️⃣ Cool graphics</h2><p id="a693">I’m state-of-the-art in emoji-land.</p><h2 id="1f26">8️⃣ Typing “Trump” into Unsplash brings up 532 pictures</h2><p id="e070">“Tricky Dick” only 58.</p><p id="1afb">Another reason to live.</p><h2 id="ea3c">9️⃣ Someone will comment on this story with a better reason to stay than all the reasons I’ve listed … COMBINED.</h2><p id="9cca">Don’t disappoint me people.</p><h2 id="7ad0">🔟 Highlighting</h2><figure id="5eb7"><img src="https://cdn-images-1.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:800/0*4Z7n2tQfUpSVs0Oj"><figcaption><b>Who knew you could highlight the bible? I always thought all the words were highlights.</b> Photo by <a href="https://unsplash.com/@aaronburden?utm_source=medium&amp;utm_medium=referral">Aaron Burden</a> on <a href="https://unsplash.com?utm_source=medium&amp;utm_medium=referral">Unsplash</a></figcaption></figure><h2 id="576c">1️⃣1️⃣ Most people won’t read to #11 (or 1, 1 as the case may be)</h2><p id="b522">So only a few people will realize what an idiot I am.</p><h2 id="2475">Missing a dose of BS?</h2><p id="1743">Back up and get a butt full right here.</p><div id="47e5" class="link-block"> <a href="https://readmedium.com/china-not-

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the-only-country-floating-weird-shit-over-the-united-states-a67b417e9a7e"> <div> <div> <h2>China - Not the Only Country Floating Weird Shit Over The United States</h2> <div><h3>Look out below!</h3></div> <div><p>medium.com</p></div> </div> <div> <div style="background-image: url(https://miro.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:320/0*xITuNJ-XJ7ZCUwf6)"></div> </div> </div> </a> </div><h2 id="9f8d">This guy deserves WAY more of your time.</h2><p id="a3cb">That’s <a href="undefined">Carlo Zeno</a> in case you were wondering.</p><div id="4333" class="link-block"> <a href="https://readmedium.com/10-reasons-why-your-story-bombed-73f572a6cbe4"> <div> <div> <h2>10 Reasons Why Your Story Bombed</h2> <div><h3>Brace yourself for impact</h3></div> <div><p>medium.com</p></div> </div> <div> <div style="background-image: url(https://miro.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:320/0*MDH4KhFPaJsdbGMB)"></div> </div> </div> </a> </div><div id="823f" class="link-block"> <a href="https://medium.com/@mburg1955/membership"> <div> <div> <h2>Join Medium with my referral link - Michael Burg, MD (Satire Sommelier)</h2> <div><h3>It's just 13 cents a day to join AND YOU CAN HAVE STORIES READ TO YOU BY A ROBOT! ($50/YR) You'll get full access to…</h3></div> <div><p>medium.com</p></div> </div> <div> <div style="background-image: url(https://miro.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:320/0*4_HujDT3M64j-Lpo)"></div> </div> </div> </a> </div></article></body>

KICK ME BACK INTO LINE, PLEASE

On the Brink of Quitting Medium. Then a Truly Pathetic Story by Another Medium Schlep Pushed Me Over the Edge

36 cents in a year … REALLY?!

Whoopie! I’ve always wanted to be buried in these shorts. 😁 Photo by Victor Rodriguez on Unsplash

There are so many reasons to leave Medium in the rear view mirror.

  • plummeting earnings
  • the same 17.2 people get notified about, and view, and may read, your stories
  • constant glitch-fest

You name it.

We got tsuris up the ying-yang, and plenty of other inconvenient places.

Recently though, I read a story by a writer whose work I will not acknowledge, nor can I remember well, but whose message of hope pushed me over the brink and made me want to stay on the platform.

The writer’s story focused on the 3 cents he’d earned in the prior month and the joy his free-form writer’s lifestyle brought him.

I took heart and resolved to keep writing.

I also resolved to search for more reasons to remain on the platform, above and beyond the fact I suddenly felt superior to another writer and his paltry earnings.

Here, in no particular order, are the reasons I continue to post my particular brand of low-earning nonsense on Medium rather than grow a pair and move on, and of course commit to work on improving my writing skills, learn anything, or ever edit my work.

1️⃣ Endless whining

Endlessly tolerated.

I could stop right here. That alone would be reason to stay.

2️⃣ I’ll always feel superior to someone

As above. Reason enough to stick it out.

3️⃣ F-4-F culture

Following anyone will result in a better than 50:50 chance they’ll follow back. Then my lancinating loneliness will ease … transiently.

4️⃣ Bots

Always available to buck up my self esteem.

5️⃣ Listicles

See! 😀

6️⃣ Typing in @mbu… makes my name appear on a list

I can feel the piloerection forming as I type the words above.

7️⃣ Cool graphics

I’m state-of-the-art in emoji-land.

8️⃣ Typing “Trump” into Unsplash brings up 532 pictures

“Tricky Dick” only 58.

Another reason to live.

9️⃣ Someone will comment on this story with a better reason to stay than all the reasons I’ve listed … COMBINED.

Don’t disappoint me people.

🔟 Highlighting

Who knew you could highlight the bible? I always thought all the words were highlights. Photo by Aaron Burden on Unsplash

1️⃣1️⃣ Most people won’t read to #11 (or 1, 1 as the case may be)

So only a few people will realize what an idiot I am.

Missing a dose of BS?

Back up and get a butt full right here.

This guy deserves WAY more of your time.

That’s Carlo Zeno in case you were wondering.

Humor
Satire
Writing Life
Funny
Quitting
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