Painful Truth

10 Reasons Why Your Story Bombed

Brace yourself for impact

1. While your listicle started with some promise, you ran out of gas at #6. Next time try to at least make it to #10.
2. Your story is critical of the Medium platform. Don’t bite the hand that feeds you. Thou shalt not criticize Medium. Pin this commandment on your computer, and you will stand a better chance of going viral or semi-viral. The algorithm wants to be massaged and flattered, not reminded of its limitations.
3. You included everything but the point. Next time you devote so much time and attention to a story, try to have a point. Ask yourself, what is the point of my story? If you don’t have an answer, save it to your ‘drafts’ folder and wait until you have a point before publishing.
4. Your genre is unidentifiable. Is it satire? Is it memoir? Both? Neither? Explain it to me like I am 3 years old. Ambiguity makes the algorithm overheat.
5. Your story has already been written. At least one hundred times in the last month, in fact. While the algorithm sometimes rewards formula and predictability, your story is coming across like spam and advertising on everyone’s home feed.
6. You wrote about failure. I know, I know, I love writing about failure too. At least it’s honest. At least it is somewhat original. Unfortunately, the algorithm does not compute and it will never think to redistribute it among the thousands of clickbait-worthy tabloids about success and glory.
7. Nobody wants to hear the amount of ‘$2.27’ and the word ‘successful story’ in the same sentence. I realize this is increasingly what looks like success on the Medium platform, but do you have to say it out loud? Just do what most writers do, and tell tall fairy tales about how you made the ‘$1,000 per month club.’
8. Your picture doesn’t match your story title. You wrote a story titled “Why I Hate My Mother” with an accompanying picture of a cute cat. I read your story three times and couldn’t find anything about any cat. Not even symbolically or metaphorically.
9. You wrote a poem about Bitcoin. You managed to alienate both your poetry followers and your investment followers at the same time. That’s called killing two birds with one stone. Fine if you want dead silence. But if you are trying to go viral, try a different tack.
10. You wrote a satirical poem about Medium titled Death Stench Of Forgotten Stories. Not only did you alienate both your poetry followers and your satire followers at the same time, but you also took a crack at Medium. That’s three strikes on only one story. And yes, this last story was mine. Let me be an example and a warning to you all.

© Carlo Zeno 2023

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Thanks for reading, and thank you to the team at In For A Penny for considering this small listicle for their wall of fame. Try these 👇