Disappearing Act
5 Ways To Make A Grand Exit From Medium
Leaving no trace
Clapping, highlighting, Smiling with stats declining — 404 ERROR
- Write your last story thanking all 20 of your 1,000 followers that took an interest in your writing, helping you earn an income that could buy you 3 coffees per month. Not much of a swan song you might say, but 3 coffees per month was not much of a song to begin with.
- Get revenge on all of your followers who never bothered to read or clap on your stuff. Click on any one of the profiles from the thousands of writers who never bothered to read, clap, reciprocate, or spend a few minutes of their lives to check your work out. Next, select one of their pinned stories they are most proud of and put it on your list of Stories I Wish I Never Touched With A Ten Foot Pole or your Five Minutes Of My Life I’ll Never Get Back list.
- Make your final published piece a picture of yourself naked, with no explanation or text, just so you can watch it go more viral than your best satire or poem. It might pay for your energy bill.
- Write a cryptic haiku, hinting about your career suicide. Something to the effect of— I’m writing, writing / publishing and languishing / vacant death canyon. Or maybe — Clapping, highlighting / smiling with stats declining / 404 ERROR.
- Say nothing. Give no warning. Delete your stories, close your account. Don’t leave a single trace that you ever existed as a writer. Bask in the delicious irony that no one will even notice that you left, let alone remember you. This is true zen.
I’m writing, writing, publishing and languishing — vacant Death Canyon
© Carlo Zeno 2023
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