Officially Wrapping Up a Chapter of My Life
Well, many, but this is one chapter
You recognize this. Alice in Wonderland. She followed the rabbit and all went well, right? Plus, this rabbit had a bee-shaped tattoo. For some reason, this bee theme keeps coming up and you’re starting to realize that it might be related.
About a year ago, I started a collaborative fiction project. The goal of this fiction project was two-fold. I wanted to connect with other fiction-writers (or writers who don’t typically write fiction, but wanted to try it out). I also wanted to give myself a space to practice fiction, because it’s the one genre of writing that really trips me up.
Honestly, it was super fun!
For those who want to read from the beginning, you can start here.
There Was No Ending In Mind — Sorry but also not sorry
Originally, I had started this project without an end goal in mind. I start many things with nebulous goals, and rather than a weakness, I see it as a strength. Why? Because a number of things don’t have an end destination.
Practicing writing fiction will never truly have an ending (and so I didn’t write these chapters with an ending in mind, just a focus on different techniques and imagination).
There are other important topics in my life that don’t have “endings”. Incorporating diversity, equity and inclusion (DEI) more actively into my life is one thing. It bothers me when people feel like they’ve reached some end goal in DEI by reading one book, or attending one workshop. There’s this frustration within me that highlights how performative that is, given how people who think like this think that there’s just one book that represents the entirety of knowledge of a complex people with intersecting (but forgotten) needs. There is no end, and so, instead of reaching some nebulous goal of “being culturally competent”, instead, it’s more like a habit and ongoing component of my week.
That’s what I mean when I say that for some things, having this “nebulous goal” is a strength. Some things don’t have end destinations, particularly when it comes to honing a craft or continued learning about the complexities of humans.
The End of This Specific Project
That being said, I’m ending this project, because it’s time. It takes bit more time to review and publish this pieces because of the back-linking. It also becomes unruly as each new chapter in turn spurs on several outcomes. Theoretically, the number of submissions that can come pouring in could be exponential.
The actual number of submissions pouring in right now is zero. This is including from me, the creator of this project. And you know what? Though I had a lot of fun reading, editing and writing my own chapter responses, I also truthfully feel kind of relieved.
It really speaks to how I’ve been feeling a bit overwhelmed lately. I want to return to simplicity and “close doors” so that I don’t let this overwhelm snowball into overwhelm.
I’m going to put my money where my mouth is (is that the phrase???) and embody the self-care I so advocate for.
I’m going to close this project so that I can ensure that I have the energy to keep my other ongoing projects going.
That Doesn’t Mean The End of Fiction Writing Though!
The beauty of a habit is that as long as I return to it, it’s still forward moving. I think there’s sometimes this pressure to show up every day to do something, as a way to demonstrate true commitment.
But for some of us, “a habit” doesn’t need to be daily. Heck, it doesn’t even need to be weekly. I literally have a research side project that I only work on monthly, and truthfully it’s the most progress I’ve made on it. Why? Because monthly was the realistic timeline I could fully dedicate uninterrupted time to it. While there still is pressure to just “spend daily time” on this project, instead of having this pressure loom over me while I try to finish other things, I’m more intentionally just going my pace.
What’s the difference you ask?
Option 1: Work on the thing once a month anyways but spend the rest of the month feeling guilty and taking away from other tasks.
Option 2: Acknowledge my time that I can only work on things once a month and intentionally work on this side project once a month, and also fully devote myself to my other projects.
The difference is whether guilt seeps in to take away from my other projects.
I’ll Continue Writing Fiction In New and Fun Ways
Though I’m closing this chapter of writing for the Ongoing Adventure, I’m going to continually find new and fun ways to continue honing my fiction skills.
And boy, there is a long way to go!
Some days, this looks like just reading. I call it research, but it’s also mostly relaxing. Sometimes I just dive in and enjoy, and yet sometimes, when I have the bandwidth, I both enjoy and revel in the craft. It’s why I love reading. ♥
Some days, this might look like exploring fiction poetry.
If I’m ambitious, some day, this will look like taking a Coursera (or other free platform) fiction writing classes, to be formally taught some of the techniques instead of randomly happening on what works. If you have suggestions, feel free to let me know of any resources! All are appreciated. ♥
Hi, I’m Lucy Dan 蛋小姐 (she/her/她) and I’m looking forward to more free-writing sessions like these in the future! I miss having this time to really reflect and more actively want to make space for this in my regular routine :)
