Sexuality

Not All Sex Is Created Equal

Good sex, bad sex & everything in between.

I’ve found myself in situations where I object when people say something was ‘better than sex.’

My immediate response is, ‘You mean GOOD sex, right?’

Am I alone here?

I can’t tell you how many references to things being better than sex or being just as good as sex that I hear and read about.

Just because you’re having sex doesn’t mean it’s necessarily ‘good sex’. It just means you’re physically having sexual intercourse.

No one ever talks about the ‘bad sex’ — the sex that can never be as good as chocolate or even as good as sleeping in. Sex that’s so bad you actually wish you’d gone to the dentist instead.

To me, bad sex doesn’t even count as actual sex — it’s just chalked up to an unfortunate sexual encounter.

For example — ladies — if you’ve ever had ‘jack-hammer’ sex with a man, then you probably know what I’m talking about. The kind that’s often portrayed in certain porn films. Fast, pointless, hammering sex that doesn’t seem to offer much in the pleasure department for the woman at all — at least for me, personally.

Sex that feels tone-deaf or like the other person has absolutely no idea if their partner is enjoying it is not worth remembering unless you need to remember it in order to make sure you never experience it again.

Sex with someone with whom you have zero chemistry is awful too. It can be awkward and extremely demoralizing all around.

For me, more specifically, ‘bad sex’ means any sex that’s experienced without an orgasm happening. Period.

In my mind, if someone tells me they had amazing sex that automatically means they had an orgasm.

However, according to a survey from Planned Parenthood, 15% of women have difficulty reaching orgasm, and 10% have never even had an orgasm during sex ever. To me, that means there’s a pretty decent amount of women who are not experiencing ‘good’ sex.

It also means that there are women out there who don’t know what they’re missing.

But what about men? Do men ever feel like they’ve experienced bad sex with someone?

I can’t speak for men because — well — I’m not a man. I also can’t speak to what factors a man would need to experience to constitute a bad sexual liaison OR even what sex without an orgasm would be like for a man.

Blue balls come to mind, of course.

Bad sex may be more of a thing that women feel they’ve experienced more frequently than men — but I think many men can attest to bad or disappointing sexual trysts — even if they do make it to orgasm.

I’m sure that men can be just as turned off by an unpleasant sexual vibe as women can.

I do think it’s generally easier for a man to eventually reach orgasm even when he’s having a tepid sexual experience than it is for a woman but, again, I’m not a man. I’m sure there are men out there who can and will enlighten me.

For us women, it quite often takes at least a few other factors involved in a sexual encounter to get us to that orgasm tipping point besides just penetration.

Additionally, if you’re a woman who reaches orgasm every time she has sex, the gauge of what constitutes a satisfying sexual experience would be much different than a woman who rarely — if ever — reaches orgasm.

Perhaps the women out there who haven’t experienced a really pleasurable, toe-tingling orgasm are the ones who are saying sex can still be good without one.

Not for me. Nope.

However, before I had good, orgasmic sex with someone, I didn’t know the difference between good sex and just the act of sex, either. I just thought that was all there was to it. I already knew what orgasms were — because I was giving them to myself long before I ever experienced an orgasm during sex with a partner.

That doesn’t mean I knew that sexual intercourse could be just as pleasurable as masturbating until I experienced it for myself.

While I understand that not every woman is lucky enough to experience an orgasm during sex all of the time, some of the time, or even ever, I simply can’t imagine categorizing sex as ‘good’ without an orgasm involved.

If you’re having sexual intercourse with someone and not emerging from that encounter sexually satisfied, you’re not having good sex — you’re just having sex — period.

You might have been participating in the main event — but you didn’t complete it to the level it needed to be at to constitute earning the word ‘good’ attached to it.

Just saying.

Otherwise, you can support me over at my ko-fi with a quick tip or a monthly contribution of your choosing.

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