Infidelity/Relationships
A One-Night Stand Isn’t Considered Cheating
And other theories…
I’ve written extensively about my own experience participating in an affair with someone who was married. Writing about that brought a slew of opinions and personal stories from readers.
Of all of the remarks made by my readers, one, in particular, stood out to me regarding cheating on a partner.
The response stated that the concept of cheating really depended on whether or not the act happened as a one-night stand or if it was a long-standing affair.
The reader indicated that, in their opinion, one-night stands fall under the ‘shit happens’ category whereas an affair that goes on for some length of time is displaying blatant premeditation and therefore bears a much higher degree of blame and responsibility. The obvious implication here is that a one-night stand doesn’t cut the proverbial mustard as far as being a meaningful betrayal.
Definitely food for thought.
I had never considered the fact that some people may not see a one-night stand as technically cheating.
The ‘shit happens’ stance seems unreasonable to me, personally. However, there are people out in the world who would definitely not agree with me.
It turns out, there are those who may not even consider a kiss with someone else besides their partner to be considered cheating, whereas, on the opposite spectrum, there are people who would consider just the thought of a kiss with someone else as an act of cheating.
Such starkly contrasting views on perceived degrees of infidelity can be incredibly confounding when trying to define romantic betrayal.
It seems that a couple must both have the same ideas in regards to what constitutes cheating in order to both consent to a similar concept of what fidelity means in a relationship.
This is both a fascinating and disturbing idea to me.
What if my partner thought that having a make-out session with some random woman at a bar one night was a write-off as far as cheating just because he never planned on seeing her again? Would that be acceptable to me? Would I think that it was okay for me to kiss another man outside of my marriage and have it be no big deal just because we weren’t seeing one another on a regular basis?
In my particular relationship, I don’t believe that any of those scenarios would be acceptable.
The assumption in my marriage has always been that getting involved with someone else sexually — whether it’s kissing or sex — isn’t cool and any of those scenarios are totally defined within the infidelity category.
Varying degrees of cheating isn’t something every couple discusses — but maybe they should. For each partner in a relationship to know what the other considers to be cheating is important and perhaps often overlooked — especially in this day and age where we have many different attitudes and ideas about what monogamy really means and if it even matters at all.
To some, monogamy might mean that you never have sex with anyone else outside of your relationship yet it’s still okay to kiss someone else at a party when you’re drunk or have a one-night stand without planning to. To others, this may be the ultimate betrayal.
Communication in relationships is vital to the survival of a thriving partnership. Sometimes we have to have uncomfortable conversations in order to be on the same page as partners.
Talking to your partner about expectations of fidelity can bring extra insight into how both you and your partner think instead of just assuming you both share the exact same opinions.
Making silent assumptions in a relationship can be dangerous.
When it comes to definitions of fidelity or varying degrees of what’s considered cheating, it’s highly important to know what’s up with your partner otherwise it can cause serious issues in the future.
It’s always best to find out for sure— just in case.
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