What Happened When The Kissing Stopped In My Marriage

“The burning prayer of hot desire, which is born on the lovers’ lips.” — Kristoffer Nyrop

Looking at my husband recently, I wondered to myself, when did we stop kissing — like REALLY kissing?

I’m not talking about a quick peck on the cheek or the obligatory hurried brush on the lips when rushing out the door, either.

I’m talking about the kind of kissing where both people physically connect through their lips and get that quiver of passion stirring up inside them.

I wanted that back. I wanted that kind of kissing back in my marriage.

At some point during our marriage, the genuinely passionate kissing part just slowly faded away. It became one of those things that got filed away under, “Things we used to do and enjoy when we were dating that we don’t do anymore.”

Things we don’t do anymore. Things we make excuses for when we don’t do them. Things that we probably SHOULD be doing to keep our relationship alive and healthy. Kissing has become that thing.

Pure, unadulterated, up-against-the-wall kind of kissing. It thrived within our relationship once and I’m determined to knock down the doors of our kissing past and reintroduce it into my relationship with my husband.

Zealous kissing needs to become mandatory in my marriage. However, like everything else in a long-term relationship, it will take some effort — from both of us.

I have a plan to bring the kissing back into my marriage. It will involve some work. It will involve taking the time to slow down and fully savor the art of kissing with my partner — because kissing IS an art form if you pay enough attention to it.

In his book The Kiss and its History, Kristoffer Nyrop describes the kiss of love as an “exultant message of the longing of love, love eternally young, the burning prayer of hot desire, which is born on the lovers’ lips.”

Nyrop also compares it to achievements in life: “Thus even the highest work of art, yet, the loftiest reputation, is nothing in comparison with the passionate kiss of a woman one loves.”

YES. All of this.

I think that long-term and/or married couples tend to lose sight of exactly how much kissing can truly connect them.

It’s easy for the meaningfulness of kissing to erode in a relationship when we become complacent, causing us to take this intimate act for granted.

Over some length of time in a marriage or long-term relationship, you may even find yourself having sex with your partner without even kissing at all!

You can potentially become like robots, just going through the sex motions together like it’s a routine you’ve danced together a thousand times and could probably do in your sleep.

Sure, one or both of you might reach orgasm — but did you even connect on any real level of intimacy? Kissing can create that deeper connection.

Kissing is a HUGE part of foreplay and, for women especially, it can hit that arousal button if done well and long enough.

Kissing is one of the most intimate acts people can do with one another. And YES— sometimes it’s just easier to skip the kissing part and get right to the sex part — I know. It’s often faster and way more convenient.

However, learning how to kiss one another again — like you did when you were dating — as you did during all of those early relationship makeout sessions.

There’s nothing like recapturing that hot fever that once existed between two partners newly discovering one another.

Kissing needs to stay on the radar — especially in a relationship that’s grown through many years and changes. Reinventing your kissing patterns as a couple can change everything and even make your sex life all that much better.

That’s my plan.

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