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p><h2 id="baf1">3. Another man defending me.</h2>When you get into a fight with your partner in a public space and they lose their temper to the point where another man feels the need to step in and essentially rescue you, you know something is very wrong.We all get mad. We all lose our shit sometimes. However, to lose it to the point where complete strangers are so alarmed by the behavior being exhibited by your partner that they try to intervene isn’t cool.Someone who truly loves you and cares for you would never put you in a position where you appear to be so vulnerable that good samaritans feel the urge to jump in and defend you. Not only is it humiliating — but it’s not real love.Someone who loves you doesn’t berate you in public — or in private for that matter. It’s blatant disrespect and a complete lack of care or concern for your well-being. It’s not even close to love.<h2 id="80c5">4. Being the other woman</h2>As I stated above, I was the other woman for a time in my life. If there’s one experience that truly educated me on what real love doesn’t feel like, it was this one.To be told that you are loved by someone who is married with kids at home is not only confusing but cruel. You think they love you. They tell you they love you. They may also tell you they want to leave their spouse and be with you forever.However, they continually leave you to go back to their family and you’re left with…what? Loneliness and an aching heart.My experience being the other woman ultimately opened my eyes to everything I didn’t want in a relationship. However, I needed to go through that experience in order to recognize that.Life is like that. Sometimes you have to hit the wall — maybe even several times — before you come to your senses.<h2 id="808f">5. My friends</h2>During all of the romantic relationships I’ve had in my lifetime, my friends have always been there, supporting me.Amazing friends who sincerely love you will be able to tell if a romantic partner is or isn’t treating you right. I’ve had plenty of relationship experiences where my close friends have opened my eyes to a partner who isn’t considering my feelings or respecting me.I didn’t always listen, of course — at least not right away. However, I can say that most of the time, my close friends were usually right when they had doubts about one of my romantic partners.Good friends who really love you also want you to be loved in a way that’s genuine by a romantic partner. They want the best for you. And you want the best for them. That’s how great friendships work.Sometimes we need a little help recognizing what real love looks like and feels like — and your closest friends are often a fantastic gauge for that.<div id="4acf" class="link-block"> <a href="https://michelleponders.medium.com/membership"> <div>

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5 Life-Changing Experiences That Showed Me What Real Love Should Feel Like

Sometimes you have to hit the wall — maybe several times.

Real love in a romantic relationship doesn’t always feel the way in which we expected or imagined it to. Our ideas of what real love should be like and feel like can be blinded by lust, excitement, or unrealistic expectations.

Genuine love means experiencing a feeling of warmth with another person — a person who shows you kindness, respect, and compassion.

Quite often, when we experience love in a way that feels ugly, cold, or just plain wrong, it then leads us to a greater understanding of what true, sincere love really is.

Here are 5 of my own life-changing relationship experiences that showed me what real love should feel like.

1. Being locked outside of my own apartment.

Back when I was married the first time, my then-husband locked me outside of the apartment in a fit of rage. I was sitting on the doorstep. Like a dog.

I begged him to let me back in, crying and sobbing.

After a few hours, he did.

It was an absolutely pathetic moment and a memory that still makes me cringe.

However, it was in that moment — one of the dozens along the way during that relationship — that brought me to a greater understanding of what love truly is — and what it isn’t.

Real love means real compassion and real empathy.

It certainly isn’t locking your partner outside on the doorstep.

‘Ah ha moment’ indeed.

2. My father breaking down.

A father/daughter relationship can be fraught with complicated intensity.

Regardless of how much my father and I argued growing up, I know that he loves me more than anything. He devoted his whole life to me.

When I was in my 30s and I was home for a visit he took me to the store in his car and parked in the parking lot. He then proceeded to beg me to stop seeing the married man I was seeing while he was almost in tears.

It was gut-wrenching — not to mention embarrassing.

I clearly knew better but couldn’t seem to extract myself from the affair.

He knew the situation was terrible. He knew I deserved better. He rarely tried to interfere in my love life — but this time was different. As a man and as a father, he knew that this person didn’t truly love me. He could tell by how much pain I was in and how unhappy I was.

Real love shouldn’t be that painful or humiliating.

This was definitely a time where father knew best — even if I didn’t want to admit it at the time.

3. Another man defending me.

When you get into a fight with your partner in a public space and they lose their temper to the point where another man feels the need to step in and essentially rescue you, you know something is very wrong.

We all get mad. We all lose our shit sometimes. However, to lose it to the point where complete strangers are so alarmed by the behavior being exhibited by your partner that they try to intervene isn’t cool.

Someone who truly loves you and cares for you would never put you in a position where you appear to be so vulnerable that good samaritans feel the urge to jump in and defend you. Not only is it humiliating — but it’s not real love.

Someone who loves you doesn’t berate you in public — or in private for that matter. It’s blatant disrespect and a complete lack of care or concern for your well-being. It’s not even close to love.

4. Being the other woman

As I stated above, I was the other woman for a time in my life. If there’s one experience that truly educated me on what real love doesn’t feel like, it was this one.

To be told that you are loved by someone who is married with kids at home is not only confusing but cruel. You think they love you. They tell you they love you. They may also tell you they want to leave their spouse and be with you forever.

However, they continually leave you to go back to their family and you’re left with…what? Loneliness and an aching heart.

My experience being the other woman ultimately opened my eyes to everything I didn’t want in a relationship. However, I needed to go through that experience in order to recognize that.

Life is like that. Sometimes you have to hit the wall — maybe even several times — before you come to your senses.

5. My friends

During all of the romantic relationships I’ve had in my lifetime, my friends have always been there, supporting me.

Amazing friends who sincerely love you will be able to tell if a romantic partner is or isn’t treating you right. I’ve had plenty of relationship experiences where my close friends have opened my eyes to a partner who isn’t considering my feelings or respecting me.

I didn’t always listen, of course — at least not right away. However, I can say that most of the time, my close friends were usually right when they had doubts about one of my romantic partners.

Good friends who really love you also want you to be loved in a way that’s genuine by a romantic partner. They want the best for you. And you want the best for them. That’s how great friendships work.

Sometimes we need a little help recognizing what real love looks like and feels like — and your closest friends are often a fantastic gauge for that.

Join Medium with my referral link - Michelle Brown

As a member, you'll get all of Michelle's articles plus thousands more from other writers. Your membership fee directly…

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More…

What Often Happens To Faithful Lovers When They Get Cheated On

Revenge in love never ends well.

medium.com

The Massage I Never Wanted Triggered The Best Orgasm I’ve Had In A While

Happy endings can be a surprise.

medium.com