Personal Decline and Self-Deterioration
No One Gives a Fuck About Personal Growth
Stop trying to grow me and fuck off
Whenever I read anything about personal growth, I want to ask the author.
— Why should I listen to you?
“Because I have experience of dealing with people.”
— So did Martin Luther King, and look what happened to him.
“Who’s Martin Luther King?”
Wow, this guy’s dumber than he looks, and he looks like this.
A retired cop from Denver who specializes in Personal Growth. Once a gun-toting maniac, now he’s teaching everyone how to live.
I look like this
A dumb English guy from Leeds.
In the photo I was wearing a suit as I was at a funeral. I look happy because the photo was taken in the pub and everybody was pissed.
The poor guy — my uncle — left £1000 behind the bar before he died because he knew all his friends were alcoholics.
That’s forethought for you. You don’t get that in self-help books.
You get stuff like this
Do something good today…
Wow! Did you make that up yourself? Or did you steal it from Tim Denning while having a shit?
Why do you never get this?
Do something bad today…
Instead you get the same old predictable bullshit that relies on stating the obvious. With stupid titles like
The Next Chapter
by
R. J. Bean MD, Ph.D. (Retired Cop)
With predictable sections on
ALCOHOL
— We all like a drink once in a while, but try cutting back. You’ll feel better, and you’ll have more energy…blah blah blah….
Or
GUNS
— Pointing a loaded gun at your head and pulling the trigger may seriously impede your personal growth. Try something less drastic like Yoga or Meditation…
The trick of self-help authors is to think of all the things they’ve done wrong and write down the solutions.
— I was an alcoholic, but you don’t have to. Here’s how…
— I beat my neighbour to death, went to prison, and found God.
— I blew my kid’s college fund on crack. You can avoid this by….
And on and on, until the author’s covered absolutely everything from cutting her toenails in the kitchen to urinating on the dog when she was drunk (before rehab).
I could get 400 pages from writing stuff like that
THE WAY FORWARD
by
Philip Ogley B.Sc. MA. (True)
Then I’d have a follow-up called The Way Back. Followed by a load of badly written spin-offs called
The Way Ahead
The Way Left
The Way Right
The Way Across
My last one would be called The Way Down, and would be a new departure for the self-help guide with its own genre labelled Personal Decline.
Personal Decline suggests all the steps needed to take you from a perfectly normal human being to an absolute wreck in 12-easy steps. Like attending A.A.— but in reverse.
And once you’ve hit absolute rock-bottom, you go back to the beginning and start all over again with The Way Forward recovery program, and around we go. I get rich. You stay sober (ish).
THE END
By
Philip Ogley B.Sc. MA. (bestselling author)
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