Not Yes Day

NO Day

Can You Relate?

People were charmed by the concept and movie “Yes Day” when Jennifer Garner had to say “yes” instead of “no” to her kids for 24 hours.

If I gave myself a Yes Day, I’d basically skip work and eat a plethora of bonbons in bed — the end!

I wasn’t blessed with children. I was blessed with a ginormous inner child. One who loves to have fun, but apparently needs lots of discipline and reprimands from yours truly.

NO Day

Here are ALL the times I reluctantly say NO to myself each day…

1. No — don’t hit the alarm for the 7th time. You’ll be late for work!

2. No — those pants don’t fit anymore. Stop doing that teen-aged ‘lie on the floor to zip them up while sucking in your gut wriggling technique’. You’ll break the zipper — again.

3. No — don’t eat a frosted pastry for breakfast, including a cereal-like version. It won’t help those pants fit any better.

4. No — don’t check to see if you turned the tap and lights off for the seventeenth time before checking that you locked the door again. You’ll be late for work!

5. No — don’t scowl at the neighbour who wants to make small talk when you’re running late. Be nice.

6. No — don’t extend your middle finger to the driver who cut you off. THAT motorist may lose it.

7. No — sarcastically correcting a co-worker (or supervisor) after you’ve explained a basic concept patiently a dozen times, won’t get the job done any faster.

8. No — you can’t dump all the work that’s been dumped on you by marking “return to sender” and piling on the desk(s) of origin.

9. No — don’t have a fit in the staff lounge because some careless fool knocked over your lunch bag and now YOU have to clean up the sticky mess, dripping all over the fridge.

10. No — You can’t order yourself a party sized pizza for lunch. Eat the healthy boring salad you made with the low-cal dressing that you had to sponge up, instead. Pants. Remember?

11. No — don’t go sit in the lunchroom for your entire lunch break. Go for a walk instead.

12. And No — don’t walk right into a bakery.

13. No — you can’t take an extra-long lunch break. Even though it’s gorgeous out. And you’re actually enjoying the walk. Piles of work await your return.

14. No — don’t gobble up the cookies in the kitchen. Even if no one is looking. Someone brought them in so she could fit into HER pants.

15. No — don’t have more caffeine in the afternoon, no matter how much you need a pick-me-up. And no — don’t eat those cookies. Still. Okay. Eat just one. Lest you end up buying an entire pack on the way home to make up for saying NO.

16. No — don’t pick up fast food for tonight. Cake for dinner is also NOT an option. Don’t even. Eat the healthy veggies, yam, and fish leftovers instead. And No — no seconds!

17. No — don’t plant yourself on the couch for the night. John is coming over so go enjoy a tandem bike ride. And don’t forget all those Medium stories you want to read!

18. No — don’t binge on couch-potato chips or Netflix — you have to wake up early again tomorrow. Pick one program. Go for a hysterical “reality” show to really let loose!

19. No — ignoring the dust bunny that just flew by won’t make it go away. Either usher it out the door or vacuum. Whichever one does the trick first.

20. No — the laundry won’t do itself. And your crusty towel won’t magically become soft again if you just keep wetting it with your body parts.

All this = No fun.

I get it. For every NO there’s actually a YES. No to the treat. Yes to the pants. And so on. But once in a while, I just like to have some whine with the cheese I shouldn’t indulge in!

So I’m saying yes to a little bittersweet chocolate NOW.

No — I can’t stop me! And if I do, I’ll cash in all my points at once by binging to make up for the deprivation. No — not a good plan. As the saying goes, if the pants fit…