The new year’s resolutions you have to stop making

Not every resolution is created equally. Here are the resolutions you should drop right now.

by: E.B. Johnson

It’s time to let go of another year and this means looking forward to the new year with both apprehension and excitement. It has not been an easy twelve months, and it has many of us looking to 2021 for some major changes. These changes have to be made the right way, though. If we go swinging into the dark carrying all the chaos this year has brought — we’ll only end up with more heartbreak and upset.

Rework the way you set new year’s resolutions. Instead of aiming to “lose weight” or “be more social” figure out more specific ways in which you can improve your life, your career, and your relationships. We’re about to step into an entirely new opportunity. Make the most of it by shedding the old habits and patterns that are holding you back, so you can create a future that’s both rewarding and fulfilling.

Not all resolutions are a good idea.

Although we tend to think of resolutions as a positive thing, they can be quite detrimental when they’re not set with careful intention and forethought. We get excited about our goals. Good goals motivate us and they move us forward intrinsically toward the positive feedback we’re trying to generate around us. When we set vague goals for ourselves, or make sweeping generalizations about the changes we want to make, we can end up disappointed and confused.

Not all resolutions are a good idea, and not all resolutions are created equally. Although we like to set out with the goal of losing weight or finding a different job — those aren’t specific enough to really create stable and worthwhile change in our lives. We have to be specific with our resolutions so that we can create action plans which allow us to achieve them.

Let go of those old cliche new year’s resolutions and start setting yourself some goals you can get behind. Instead of aiming to lose weight, aim to get healthy. Rather than look for a different job, figure out how you can establish a career that provides for you even while it gives you a sense of fulfillment or meaning. Next year doesn’t have to be the horror that this one was. We can make it better for ourselves by setting the right resolutions.

The new year’s resolutions you need to avoid.

Don’t get yourself stuck in the same old new year’s resolution trap. If you truly want to be happy, healthier, wealthier — then these are the resolutions you need to avoid at all costs.

I’m going to lose weight

Simply “losing weight” won’t fix all your problems. As a matter of fact, when weight loss becomes your only goal — it can lead to a host of other problems. That’s because the focus here isn’t really on being healthy. It’s on forcing your body to hit some erroneous unit of measurement. Rather than seeking to simply “lose weight” we should seek to establish healthy lives. When we follow this far more specific precept, the weight often follows naturally.

I’m going to get a new job

Are you dealing with a job that makes you miserable? Are you looking at 2021 and imagining a new career? That’s great, but simply stating that you’re “going to get a new job” is not specific enough. This kind of general aiming could land you in the same job in a different place. You need to be specific about the career changes you want to make and why. Rather than saying, “I’m going to get a new job,” you should try something like, “I’m going to find a different job which honors and rewards me in relation to the work I put in.”

I’m going to find a partner

Romantic love is an important part of a happy life to a lot of people. Going into a new year without a partner can be daunting to some, and that’s okay. Setting a goal to find love in a year, though, is not going to help you get there. New year’s resolutions should be statements of personal intention. You should not seek to find a partner, you should seek instead to make yourself whole so you can be a good partner and attract the right person into your life.

I’m going to change my life

The resolution of overhauling your entire life is far too broad. Successful goals have to be specific. You need to pinpoint how you want to change your life, then make a plan to enact those changes. This happens by breaking everything down into smaller, more manageable chunks. You need to figure out what actionable steps to take, and then you have to set out a plan for making those steps happen each and every day.

I’m going to be more social

You don’t need to radically change who you are in order to build a better life for yourself. You can do it my committing to incremental changes that enhance who you are little-by-little (instead of changing your core entirely). You don’t need to focus on the number of friends you have, but rather the quality of the connections which surround you. Don’t just imagine yourself having a bigger friend group. Envision yourself surrounded by high quality people who love you and support you just as you are.

Better resolutions you can focus on instead.

Quit making broad and obscure promises to yourself. By setting specific goals, you can make real improvements to your life; changing the way you do everything from losing weight to forming new and stronger interpersonal relationships. The new year is a great time to give yourself a clean slate. Do it the right way by setting yourself the right (specific) goals.

1. “I’m going to get healthy.”

Weight loss is one of the most common goals that people set for themselves in the new year. While this can be admirable, we often find that it ends up being disappointing and relatively unhealthy. That’s because committing to weight loss alone isn’t enough. What value does that really offer to our lives? The real secret is committing to improving your overall health and making weight a part of that overall commitment.

Rather than declaring your intention to reach some number on a scale, seek instead to nourish your body from the inside out. Our health, after all, is always more important than our weight. Weight is different for everyone, and what is a healthy weight for one person isn’t necessarily true for the next.

Avoid loathing your body and weighing it down with superficial cares that make it harder for it to do its job. Focus on getting healthy instead of focusing solely on weight loss, and you’ll discover a whole new person you didn’t even know existed. Nurture yourself with good food, exercise, and plenty of time to rest, relax, and recenter around the things which give your life meaning and purpose.

2. “I’m going to build a career.”

A lot of us use the new year to reconfigure our careers, and that’s great. Once again, though, we often find that these shifts suffer from a lack of specificity. We have to be just as specific with our career goals as any other goal we set. This means looking to the future and questioning both what we want and what we need. We can’t just promise ourselves we’ll quit and find “something better”. We need to know what that “better” is before we leap.

Instead of simply wishing to be somewhere else, seek to build something that you can rely on in the years to come. Whether that looks like opening your own business, or simply getting established with a company that already knows what they’re doing — you shouldn’t seek to settle when it comes to the work that supports you and your family.

If the only goal you ever chase is covering the bills, then that’s all you’ll ever be able to find. If you want to build something that provides you with a higher quality of life, then you need to get committed to a bigger vision. Seek to build a career, rather than jsut finding another job to be miserable in. Find something you can do for both a good time and a long time if you truly want to thrive.

3. “I’m going to become a better person.”

So many people go into the new year determined to find that partner who will make their lives “alright”. When you make a relationship one of your new year’s resolution, though, you very often set yourself up for heartbreak. That’s because it’s a resolution that’s entirely based on the behaviors and decisions of another person (who you can’t control). Instead of looking outward for the perfect relationship, what we really need to do is look inward.

If you’re already of thinking about manifesting the perfect partner in 2021, then you need to reshape your thinking. The only person you can control on this planet is yourself. You control how you feel, how you connect. You control your behavior and how you interact with the world at large. To get thee perfect partner, you first need to be the best partner you can be.

Knowing that truth, then, we have to accept that the only way to get a better partner is to make ourselves better partners in the first place. Don’t focus all your energy on finding someone to make you complete. Make yourself complete and then know that this act alone has the power to move you toward the right love. The stronger and more self-realized you become as a person, the more likely you are to attract someone who improves the quality of your life and relationships.

4. “I’m going to make specific improvements.”

Beyond relationships and careers, we have a tendency to make really broad resolutions for our personal careers. For instance, we may say that we’re going to “be nicer” in the new year, but we fail to really understand what that looks like or why we need to do it. As with any goal-setting, the key to making the right resolutions that work comes down to being specific about what you need and want to change.

Take some time taking a brutally honest look at yourself and your life. Rather than proclaiming that you’re going to “change it all” name specific behaviors, approaches, or beliefs which need to be changed for the better. Don’t hold back. The more specific you are, the easier it is to set the goal and pursue it successfully.

Start small. Don’t plan to change your body inside and out in a number of weeks. You didn’t get to where you are overnight. It took years for you to establish the relationships and behaviors which are holding you back. It’s going to take just as much time to repair the damage you’ve done, so see 2021 as your chance to brainstorm and get started. This new start is the runway that will launch you into your life. It’s not the plane. You’re the engine behind it all.

5. “I’m going to pursue authentic connection.”

There is no end to those who make the broad declaration of “I’m going to be more social”. It’s a big goal, and one that seems even more important after the sea of endless lockdowns and social distancing we were subjected to in 2021. The problem with this goal, though, is that we tend to misuse and misunderstand it. That’s because you can’t only seek to “be more social”. You should primarily be striving to form authentic connections with people who see you for who you are.

Stop connecting for the sake of having as many friends as possible; work hard to build a rapport only with those people who truly get you on an authentic level. Stop chasing the approval of people who aren’t heading in the same direction as you.

Pursue only those new connections which seem authentic and worthwhile. Invest your time and your energy into people who care to support you; people who see you for you are and don’t run away from that truth. There are so many amazing individuals out there who have the power to help us realize our deepest truths and joys. To connect with them, though, we have to cut through the noise and pursue authentic and genuine connection that aligns along needs, values, morals, and hopes.

Putting it all together…

The new year is approaching, and with that comes the pressure to give ourselves a clean slate. Setting resolutions is a great way to set intentions for our year, but we often focus on making the wrong resolutions. Chasing these mismatched goals, we can find that our lives stay stuck in the same old patterns. We have to be specific about what we want to change and give ourselves resolutions which actually help us to make improvements.

Rather that telling yourself you’re going to lose a ton of weight, make the commitment to get healthy instead. By living a healthier life, your weight will fall into place. Be specific with your goals. Don’t just tell yourself you’re going to “get a new job”. Focus on taking action to manifest a new career which provides you with options and fulfillment. When we fail to make our goals specific, we wind up in the same patterns we’re trying to escape in the first place. Instead of chasing a relationship, give yourself the resolution to become a whole, healthy, and happy partner on your own. Then you can attract the right person into your life. Take a brutally honest look at your life. Where can you make focused, intentional improvements? Seek authentic connection over everything else and make 2021 a year of authentic love, care, and compassion for everyone in your life.