And the Answer Is…
Never Have I Ever, Part Duh
Did you guess which one I’ve NEVER done?
This is Part II to my Never Have I Ever game with a twist — please see:
Here are the answers to all your burning questions!
1. Never Have I Ever:
Spent a steamy night naked with a man AND a woman.
Time to take a shot for me?
Cheers! Yes, I HAVE done this.
Some friends and I had rented a cottage. When most of the gang conked out in the wee hours, my friend Donny, and my cousin Melissa and I wanted to keep the party going. We decided to indulge in an exciting loop of refreshing skinny dip plunges in the shimmering lake, followed by a quick dash into a relaxing, steamy outdoor sauna. Over and over. It was exhilaratingly glorious. And so Zen. It was also VERY dark. Not to mention, Donny is gay. So he didn’t care, nor did we — even if he could see our nude silhouettes. Go figure.
2. Never Have I Ever:
Caused a penile fracture while doing the splits in bed.
Time to take a shot for me?
Don’t Shoot. This is a LIE. I’ve NEVER been guilty of causing a penile fracture. And aim to keep it that way. Even though I truthfully CAN still do the splits. But no male privates have been harmed as a result. Standing to attention, however, is another story. Like this next little ditty…
3. Never Have I Ever:
Sucked at sucking, triggering a reverse salute.
Time to take a shot?
Cheers. This is TRUE. But you already knew that if you read the untrue story above. Okay, here’s the embarrassing truth - that I guess I volunteered to share…
Ages ago, I urged my then boyfriend to buy a can of whipped cream on the way home. He seemed keen so I was excited. Literally. When we got to his place, he went to put it in the fridge. I grabbed the fluffy sweet heaven and said we should take it into the boudoir. Beckoning him with my best come hither, fluttering eyelashes.
When he didn’t bite (let alone nibble or lick), I made a move. I kissed him with a mouthful of whipped cream. I noticed he rose to the occasion. So I decided to turn him into a scrumptious banana split. I helped myself to the first delectable taste. But alas HIS banana went completely limp. Which caused all the whipped cream to pathetically trickle down the sides like slimy brown hair dye of a certain slimy former mayor.
“What’s going on?” I asked in disbelief, sitting up wide-eyed like Lucy. A telltale ring of whipped cream accusingly clinging to my lips.
“I should ask you the same question!!!” My boyfriend snapped back in horror. “What the HELL are you doing?”
“You know, the whipped cream human sundae trick?” I quickly licked the remaining traces of betraying evidence off my face.
“NO. I DON’T!” He lay there looking up at me as if I was a MONSTER.
Yikes. Turned out the interlude was far more lickety-split than I anticipated!
Now it’s YOUR turn! Did you guess the right answer? Who wants to go next?
Thank you for reading my story.
Thank you to brilliant https://medium.com/doctor-funny editor Michael Burg, MD (Satire Sommelier) (who again, according to Michael himself, also failed to rise to the occasion, and barely contributed anything to this story.)
For more of my Doctor Funny stories please see:
For more please check out my book: https://amzn.to/3s01fDv