avatarAkemi Sagawa

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Abstract

May</li><li>preparing an application for a coaching certification</li></ul><p id="f352">All of these tasks were stimulated by the productivity urge.</p><p id="d2f7">I was overloading myself. Also, I noted with more than a hint of regret that many of these quests to be productive were putting undue pressure on others to be productive too.</p><p id="cd85">It was time to be <i>less productive</i>.</p><p id="fb98">I set about culling my list.</p><h1 id="47d5">Forgiveness</h1><p id="fbe1">Let’s be real for a second. There’s a pandemic out there. We’re all in quarantine. A lot of people have lost their jobs and even those of us lucky to still be working have all but lost the structure to our days and weeks.</p><p id="dc2f">News cycles are punishing. Everything takes more effort. Energy levels are low. Mood can be low too. It is not a time to overload: it is a time for self-care.</p><p id="4f3b" type="7">That can actually mean doing less. And that is ok.</p><p id="3467">I began cancelling things. I cancelled the webinar on remote working. My friend who was organising it with me immediately said thank you.</p><p id="1f94">I postponed the second work-related webinar. Two work colleagues agreed it was a good idea.</p><p id="09b7">Launching the new Medium Publication is still an ambition, but I am taking my foot off the gas with that. It can happen later in the year. I forgive myself.</p><p id="0812">I am also taking the pressure off myself to write at all. I still get huge enjoyment out of writing for Serious Scrum, but my inspiration is lower, and that is ok: it always ebbed and flowed. I forgive myself for my lower rate of publication.

Illumination is a new project for me. I have no idea how much I will write here and, you know what, I forgive myself for that uncertainty as well.</p><p id="e954">Writing this feels confessional and unusual for me. It is not how I normally write. But it feels good. As I write, I forgive myself for over-sharing.</p><p id="4a1d">I hope others will recognise something in my story and perhaps begin to forgive themselves for doing less too.</p><h1 id="87bd">Distraction</h1><p id="a2be">It’s probably fair to point out: I didn’t cancel <i>everything</i>.</p><p id="e2c4">The meet-up in May was a request from a friend and the topic is one I’ve written ab

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out already, so I’m going to continue with that. My friend did ask me this weekend if I was still ok to do it, and I had an opportunity to say no. For once, I didn’t automatically dismiss the idea of saying no. I forgive myself for thinking about saying no.</p><p id="0f00">Also, I continue to be inspired to apply for a coaching certification. This is a long-term ambition of mine, and there is no time-sensitivity to the application process. I choose to take that pressure off myself now, and I also choose to forgive myself for taking my own sweet time with it.</p><p id="d7b2">I allow myself these distractions because they are meaningful to me.</p><p id="53ec">Also, without the overload of other tasks, I can do these at a pace that makes more sense to me.</p><figure id="20f5"><img src="https://cdn-images-1.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:800/0*IiUm2PXzVt6r4zhg"><figcaption><b>Flight Safety Instructions</b></figcaption></figure><h1 id="e2b3">Moving forward, one step at a time</h1><p id="9703">You do not <i>have to</i> be productive.</p><p id="c7d3">You need to care for yourself so that you can care for others. Watch out for the to-do list and that feeling of being a little overwhelmed. It can creep up on you.</p><p id="9383">Forgive yourself for taking on less. It’s ok.</p><p id="2b1a">Forgive yourself for your low energy. It’s ok.</p><p id="4d89">Forgive yourself for your low mood or for those days when you don’t want to do anything at all.</p><p id="5160">It’s ok to not be ok.</p><p id="b459">Flight safety instructions tell us:</p><blockquote id="a104"><p>“If you are travelling with a child or someone who requires assistance, secure your mask on first, and then assist the other person.” (Source: <a href="https://activerain.com/blogsview/2535480/put-your-own-oxygen-mask-on-first">Active Rain</a>)</p></blockquote><p id="0be5">Self-care means that, rather than feeling pressured to be more productive, you might need to go out for a walk instead.</p><p id="45ff">By taking on less and looking after yourself, you will put your figurative oxygen mask on. This will help you to breathe better.</p><p id="5277">First things first. Breathe.</p><p id="8085">If you can, cancel the things you don’t need to do right away.</p><p id="5e33">It’s ok. You can forgive yourself.</p></article></body>

My Tsubo-niwa, My Oasis

In response to Dancing Elephants prompt 30 of 52

Photo by Author Akemi Sagawa

This tiny garden in front of the house is my oasis. Every morning I look out from the window of my den. I wonder how many clouds are hanging in the sky, if any bird is resting on the maple tree, or which branch of the Buddha’s yew is turning brown.

This Tsubo-niwa (坪庭, a Japanese word for a tiny garden), is my own creation.

It used to be a boring yard with a lawn with no hedge to hide from the street. I seldom spent time looking at it when working 9 to 5, so I wondered why I had to have someone come and mow every so often in the summer.

My days of going to work every day were over. I turned the also tiny den facing the yard into my tea room/ home office/ Ikebana studio. Sitting in the den, looking out in the window, getting tired of the dull green grass, I asked myself, “Am I going to keep paying for mowing this unappreciated lawn forever? For what?”

Photo by Author Akemi Sagawa

So I ripped off the lawn one day.

I went to several places hunting for gravel, found the one I liked, and got 60 bags of gravel.

I lined up concrete blocks on the borderline with our neighbor’s property so that the gravel won’t run over our neighbor’s front yard.

Photo by Author Akemi Sagawa

On the naked ground, I spread weed barrier fabric. I placed stepping stones creating a path to meander around.

Photo by Author Akemi Sagawa

On top of the fabric, I spread the gravel. 56 bags of them. I smoothed them out.

I worked in the yard for the whole week. Maybe longer than 9 to 5. Until I declared, “Done!”

Now almost seven years later, the Buddha’s yew trees I planted on the hedge have grown almost as tall as I. The height of the trees is uneven, but what can I do? Each tree has its own pace to grow. I will wait patiently till they grow tall and wide enough to trim evenly.

The ground cover that I planted, hoping to imitate the moss of the moss garden in Kyoto, never covers the entire surface I wish it to. But I refuse to add any synthetic fertilizer. The only fertilizer is the fallen leaves and weeds I pluck out of the ground.

There is never a moment that the garden looks “perfect”. Always some fraud. Some branches of the yew look brown. Some strange shoots are sprouting on the ground. Some birds might have brought the seeds with their droppings.

This tiny, ever-changing Tsubo-newa, is my favorite nature where I live.

Thank you, Dr. Preeti Singh, for your fun prompt, as always!

Muhammad Nasrullah Khan’s poem forces me to face the harsh fact.

Oh, flowers! And a beautiful poem! Thank you, William J Spirdione.

Originally published at https://akemisagawa.com on April 24, 2023.

Dancingelephantspress
Nature
Inspiration
Japanese Culture
Japan
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