Relationships/Life
My Partner Suggested Watching Porn With Me — And I Freaked Out
Here’s why.
The subject of porn and how it relates to people’s relationships has always been something that fascinates me — mainly because I have so many of my own personal feelings about pornography.
I once wrote an article about porn that expresses why so many women are uncomfortable with their partners watching it. In the article, I used feedback from women I know who are all across the board, sexually.
In the article, I described how many women just like me ultimately end up feeling inadequate when their (predominately male) partners view mainstream porn even when they feel they are relatively ‘open-minded’ about the subject.
It’s not just about feeling insecure when a partner watches a sex film showcasing perpetually slim women glazed with body oil, full makeup, and salon hair. It’s also about the sex acts being performed in porn. Many of them are just preposterous, to be honest. The shower sex scenes, the up-against-the-wall sex scenes, and, of course, the impractical body-bending positions that don’t even look comfortable — much less pleasurable.
So what do you do if your partner wants to watch porn with you?
Personally, I freaked out a little when my partner first suggested it.
Why?
Well, for all of the reasons listed above — plus more. It would be totally out of my comfort zone.
Engaging in watching people on the screen having sex and then thinking we’re supposed to get turned on by watching them having sex can feel contrived to some degree.
Not only that, but I do still struggle with the nagging idea in my head that I’m somehow less than compared to the made-up vixens in porn movies.
Now, I will say that I’ve watched plenty of porn on my own — and I know my partner has too. So what’s the difference between watching porn alone or as a couple?
Good question.
The difference is that when you’re trying to get in the mood with your partner by watching other people have sex (who get paid to have sex) it really makes you hyper-aware of the fact that you’re actively trying to get turned on. Well, maybe it only makes me hyper-aware — and basically every other woman I’ve asked about it.
Watching porn with a partner may indeed be something that men prefer more than women since apparently men are much more visual creatures than women and love to see sexual images to get them frisky. However, according to a 2015 survey of women regarding whether or not they like watching porn, over half of the women surveyed said they do enjoy porn — but that they mostly enjoy it alone.
Delighting in porn as a couple may also depend on the type of porn as well as your particular sexual orientation. There are so many different kinds of porn to try as a couple including porn with ‘real couples’ having sex together which may make the mood more realistic. There’s parody porn which makes light of porn and can add some laughs to take the edge off, as well as queer porn where the actors are often real couples and much more diverse.
All in all, experimenting as a couple by watching porn together seems okay but I’m still not entirely comfortable with the idea of watching other people having sex while I’m having sex. It’s definitely one of those sexual hang-ups I hold onto that I still have to figure out.
Do you watch porn with your partner? If so let me know and tell me why or why not.
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