ILLUMINATION Writers Challenge

My Life as a Transitive Verb

The interesting parts

A challenge that caught my eye and reeled me, in ever so gently. Thank you to Desiree Driesenaar, Timothy Key and Rasheed Hooda.

If I were a verb ….?

I never thought of myself as a part of speech before. Never sat down next to an adjective or preposition and said, “Hey, how’s it going?”

Didn’t think we traveled in the same circles. Had the same interests. Went to the same coffee shops and sat at tables, laptops open, scrolling through the latest CBD ads, looking for the perfect remedy.

But I am open to suggestions, to a degree. I am not stubborn by nature. But I am not exactly open-minded either. The excessive amount of alone time I had while growing up, put me into a rather unusual place — mentally, and spiritually.

I like who I am. Feel comfortable in my own skin. Which means that I spend a great deal of time fixing my own problems; solving my own dilemmas. Sorting out the shit I got myself into and therefore have no one else to blame.

While this may sound like an ideal situation of sorts, it isn’t always. You see, I like people. I like being close to them — usually less than 6 feet. I like talking to them. Looking into their eyes until I find them, behind the clutter and insecurities that we all have.

So, I thought about this verb thing for a little while. Wrote up a list. Added, love, fight, think and several others to it, then crossed them all out. Too cliché, too something.

Is persnickety a verb or attitudinal? Perhaps not, but they were in the mix.

As was punch and pound, drink, dive, slam and persuade. Does it have to be a transitive verb to be dynamic and alive? Intransitive verbs are okay, right? No point in leaving them on the sidelines, kvetching about being left out.

If you’ve noticed, there’s a little anger in my process here. Punch and pound aren’t passive verbs. Neither is slam. Nor are they generally associated with thoughtfulness and compassion. Both traits I think about when I’m thinking about me. But there is anger. Life has a tendency to do that, you know. Push you. Make you do things you didn’t want to. Confront ugly stuff, that pisses you off and frightens you at the same time.

If I was a verb, I would have to be an active one, I think. One that exudes confidence and savoir faire. That doesn’t leave me wanting all the time, or cowering in the long shadows of adversity.

It would need to be adventurous and demanding. One a leader could use and a writer would need. A simple verb, not too many letters. Easy to spell.

It would be … Push.

There’s no denying that I’ve been pushing myself along for the last 60+ years. Pushing myself to learn, to be a free thinker. To laugh and love and take some risks (still afraid of heights though). I’ve pushed through problems and people who were creating them. Pushed through stubborn bosses and ill-fitting friends and old tired ideas that held me down.

You see, I like people. I like being close to them — usually less than 6 feet.

Pushed away others too, too often I suppose, but always pushed harder to get them back.

I’ve pushed through doors when others were intent on keeping me out. Didn’t break them down, that would be too dramatic. I just applied the pressure and kept it there until the sonsofbitches … sorry, until the adversaries just got tired and let me in.

But I am not pushy. Never have been. I don’t insist on people thinking like I do. That would be stupid and awkward — having two people standing there parroting the same exact thoughts all the time. I like diversity.

I want to know things. I want to know how ants can crawl vertically up a tree, carrying the equivalent of a refrigerator in their jaws.

I want to know when, not if, Aliens will come down for a visit. Will their ship look like the Starship Enterprise? Will they look more like me or ET?

Ask my wife, I drive her crazy with detailed follow up questions about phone conversations she’s had with my daughters or the person she met in line at Costco.

I am curious too. I suppose that could have been my choice as well. I am always curious. I have to know. Even when it hurts. Especially when it hurts. No point it “knowing” something intuitively, but then being afraid to have it said out loud. I don’t do that. Can’t, really. Never been able to let a problem, fall asleep in the bed next to me. Or on the sofa. Sit there hour after hour, gnawing away at my consciousness, like some freaking termite. Pretending it’s not there.

Push. I’ll push it out into the open. I’ll make it speak and tell me what I did wrong or right. I’ll insist. Pushy.

Push is lovable too. You can push someone gently into understanding. Into realizing something cool. Into seeing who you really are and finally, a little push into loving you.

Push, it is. That’s my verb and I’m sticking with it. It’s not a perfect verb. There may be others more suitable, I suppose. But it’s gotten me this far.

Oh, one other thing. Push keeps me out of trouble. It pushes me away from stupid arguments. From confrontation with idiots who definitely would say punch and pound were their ideal personas. It pushes forward who I am and how I think and how strongly I believe in love and respect, logic and dignity and somehow manages to convey to certain others that these ideas are not going away and won’t, without some intense personal discussions.

Push has become a friend and confidante. A wing man through my many missions. We’re good, me and push. We weren’t always, not back in the day. But we’ve both matured. Gotten wiser with age. See each other more clearly now. Hooked up with others as well, so we’re not always together.

Being a verb takes a lot of work and effort. Much easier just being a noun. But nowhere near the fun.

Others tagged along the way.

Ryan Fan, Sharon Hurley Hall, Bob Jasper, Michele Thill, Tim Maudlin, Catherine Pugh, Esq., Rosennab, P.G. Barnett, Henery X (long), Sherry McGuinn, George J. Ziogas, Christina Hoag iWrite!, B. A. Cumberlidge. Jyssica Schwartz, Jennifer Rosater, Roz Warren, Mallika Vasak, Michele Thill, Keno Ogbo, Terry Mansfield, Kathryn A. LeRoy, Ph.D. Aurora Eliam, CMP

Joe Luca is writer and editor for ILLUMINATION and a published author and writer of children’s stories, short fiction, non-fiction articles, screenplays and poetry. Publications include Child’s Life, Children’s Playmate and others. There are some other articles below — have a read. And thank you for stopping by.