My Journey as a Writer

I was 10 years old when I realized what I wanted to do with the rest of my life. Then I had to figure out how to do it.

When I was 10, my parents decided to write book under a pseudonym — my first name and an ancestral surname. When I saw the name Yael on their business cards above the word “writer,” I knew with every fiber of my being that I was going to be a writer. I started my first novel that weekend.

I know exactly how I got here.

I wrote novels longhand in spiral bound notebooks during my teenage years — because back in those days, families were lucky to have one computer for everyone. We had to share. It was easier — and more private — for me to write my romantic novels and mysteries in my notebooks, dreaming about becoming a famous novelist someday.

I know exactly how I got here.

My uncle gave me his old laptop — a funny name for the machines they had back then, which were really just smaller desktop models that weighed 20+ pounds and only had one purpose — word processing. But hey, that was fine with me. It was all I needed. I started writing dozens of new novels on that machine, looking for the one that would capture my attention long enough for me to finish it.

I know exactly how I got here.

In the mid-90’s, I was fortunate enough to get a real desktop computer of my own, which changed the game, entirely. Suddenly, with the speed of typing, I could pump out 10 pages a day if I was disciplined enough. I wrote three novels on that computer, certain that they would bring me the kind of publishing contract and public recognition I was looking for.

I know exactly how I got here.

Oh, did I mention I almost never sent out queries to publishers? I was too scared for that. It felt so vulnerable to share my work with them. What if they thought I was a stupid, naïve little girl? (Well, I was.) I couldn’t bear the thought. So my writing remained a secret from the world.

I know exactly how I got here.

In 2007, I took a big leap and decided to join all the other green bloggers around the world. My first blog was born and I was hooked. I made so many wonderful friends through blogging — some I’m happy to say I am still in contact with today. It was another world, back then — blogging was such an exciting platform for creativity and personal connection. Not so saturated as it is today. I loved it.

I know exactly how I got here.

In 2010, I took another leap and began selling the beauty products I had made to heal my skin from the damage done by my overzealous dermatologists. It was a big departure from the career in writing I had always wanted. But I enjoyed every second of it. There weren’t nearly as many green bath and beauty vendors as there are today and people took notice of the care I put into my products and how much effort I put into being a sustainable, eco-friendly business.

I know exactly how I got here.

It didn’t take long for the market to become saturated with organic bath and body products. Competition became a genuine problem. And when a certain small business platform rolled out new policies barring natural beauty sellers from any mention of herbs, their history, and/or their healing properties, I was essentially put out of business. Sales went from the hundreds to less than ten in six weeks’ time. Maybe there was a Plan B that I didn’t see at the time, but I must have been pretty burned out because I let that disappointment end my business. And I honestly don’t regret that.

I know exactly how I got here.

The end of selling beauty products pushed me into another kind of production that I hadn’t previously planned on: sharing the story of my business and why I had started it. It began as an idea for my blog, and then became a pamphlet. The pamphlet soon evolved into a book with over 200 pages. The original plan was to make it into a PDF — and I had no idea how to sell something like that. But I soldiered on. I was quickly led to the world of self-publishing and my book became not only a Kindle book, but a real, full-fledged, paperback, as well.

I know exactly how I got here.

Suddenly, holding that paperback in my hands, I realized I had come full circle. I was finally an author.

I know exactly how I got here.

The next few years were filled with writing more books. I wrote a memoir about my relationship with my last partner. I started editing the last novel I’d written. I returned to working on its half-finished sequel. All other projects were swiftly booted. I knew what I wanted — I remembered what I wanted. And that’s what I needed to put my energy toward.

I know exactly how I got here.

I started a new website, but most of my former customers didn’t follow me. I understood. They were there for beauty products and now I was writing fiction. To them, it was a sharp change of direction. For me, though, I was getting back to my true destiny.

I know exactly how I got here.

Even my devoted fans weren’t as engaged as they had once been after I started my new website. They liked my books. They said I was a great writer. But the stories were…heavy. Sometimes dark. Well, yes, that made sense. I was going through one of the darkest periods of my life. I couldn’t help that my emotions were influencing what I wrote.

I know exactly how I got here.

I finally quit my job last year. Not because I was ready to make a go of it freelancing — I wasn’t even close. I was simply so burned out, my health began failing. I couldn’t do it and I hadn’t yet constructed a Plan B. Lucky for me, I’m a Cancer — which if you don’t know, means I have little bits of money stashed away everywhere. I applied for jobs while pitching magazines and waited to see what would happen.

I know exactly how I got here.

Month after month, I went on interviews. I declined a good job offer because I realized I didn’t want to work in the same industry anymore. I received endless rejections. I used almost every penny in my savings account to keep up with the bills. Almost a full year after quitting, I started making enough money to pay all the bills — though just barely. I found an audience here on Medium, contract work with a local marketing company, editing jobs, and creative coaching.

I know exactly how I got here.

I’ve never made a living from my writing before. I’ve known I wanted that since I was 10 years old, but it took 33 years to find my way. Now that I’m barely paying the bills with what I earn, I’m itching to take it to the next level. I want enough money to be able to restore my savings. I want enough to be able to have rain gutters installed. I want to be able to buy my nieces and nephews Christmas presents again.

I know exactly how I got here. But I’m not quite sure — yet — where I’m going.

© Yael Wolfe 2019

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