TW: Sexual Abuse

I Was Stripped Of My Innocence: Parents, Protect Your Children

Be aware of the warning signs. This is my experience…

I have never addressed this topic in any of my articles. But Medium has proven to be an extremely therapeutic outlet for many. Including myself.

I mean, Medium is probably not the healthiest avenue to pour my heart out on what you’re about to read.

I should probably see a therapist…

But oddly enough, it’s comforting knowing that everyone who will read this, are people who do not know me in person.

My real-life friends and family are completely unaware of my Medium account. And my intention is for it to remain this way.

Because if they discovered the truth of what I’m about to share…

I’m afraid of how their perception of me would change.

Pity.

I don’t want pity.

Why Have I Decided To Share My Experience?

I’ve read a small number of articles, where writers have shared their truth on this topic too. But not many.

I admired their bravery. And I admired their strength. And I’ve figured, it’s time I muster up the courage too. And speak my truth. Or type my truth.

If this article could provide comfort, for just one person suffering… that is enough. If this article could help just one parent… my job is done.

My intention is to spread awareness. I want others who are reading this (and experiencing this, or have experienced this), to know that they are not alone.

And that there are options.

I want PARENTS who are reading this, to be aware of the warning signs. And to listen to their children.

Apologies in advance if this article becomes almost nonsensical. My thoughts are all over the place.

OK. Here goes nothing.

I was abused from the ages of 13–16 years old.

It could have been 12–17 years old. My brain has worked so incredibly hard to suppress my memories. I find it difficult to pinpoint the exact age the abuse started.

And unfortunately, such abuse is not unheard of. In fact, it’s extremely common.

One in 9 girls and 1 in 53 boys under the age of 18 experience sexual abuse or assault at the hands of an adult.

(The above information can be found here.)

And statistically speaking, the perpetrator is often a trusted adult of the family.

In my case, this is exactly what happened.

He gained the trust of my family. He gained the trust of the adults in my life, who were supposed to protect me.

This is what they do.

They’re sick. They manipulate. They weave their way into the lives and families of their victims.

And one of the most frightening realities is, he was so… normal.

He had teenagers of his own. A good job. He was… a very typical, extroverted, social, and “kind hearted” man.

But in reality… He wasn’t “normal”.

A normal man does not view a 13–16 year old sexually. A normal man does not put his hands on a 13–16 year old sexually. A normal man does not comment on the body of a 13–16 year old sexually. A normal man does not wait for a moment alone with a 13–16 year old, to touch her inappropriately.

I cry for my younger self.

Hell, I cry for my current self.

The effects of being sexually abused are everlasting.

I struggle with trust. I am angry. I see the worst in people.

When I hear grown men make any sort of sexual remark or comment, especially when directed at younger women, I die inside. I feel sick.

In the forefront of my mind, I often think… “Can I trust this man?”

And the answer is often, no.

I know there are good men out there. But there are also… sick, perverted, evil men (and women) lurking this earth too. NOTE: Please don’t come at me about this article placing emphasis on only men. I am well aware that women can be sexual abusers too. I am speaking from experience, and my abuser was a man.

Never Ending Suffering

God. I wish I could give my younger self a hug.

I wish I could tell her, that it was going to end. And that she wouldn’t have to endure the torment any longer.

She wouldn’t have to live in fear. She wouldn’t have to avoid returning home. She wouldn’t have to spend an extra hour at school… or walk the long route home, in order to avoid being alone with him. She wouldn’t have to live every single second of her life, with her guard up.

Mentally, I am still suffering. But I take solace in knowing that everything I went through, is now in the past.

WARNING SIGNS

This is a message to parents.

You are obviously not to blame. However, it is important to be familiar with what behaviours your child may display.

In my case? I displayed avoidance behaviours.

Below are common signs that you must be aware of. This was taken directly from this source.

Common Signs From Younger Children:

• An older child behaving like a younger child (such as bed-wetting or thumb sucking)
• Has new words for private body parts
• Resists removing clothes when appropriate times (bath, bed, toileting, diapering)
• Asks other children to behave sexually or play sexual games
• Mimics adult-like sexual behaviors with toys or stuffed animal
• Wetting and soiling accidents unrelated to toilet training

Common Signs From Teenagers:

• Self-injury (cutting, burning)
• Inadequate personal hygiene
• Drug and alcohol abuse
• Sexual promiscuity
• Running away from home
• Depression, anxiety
• Suicide attempts
• Fear of intimacy or closeness
• Compulsive eating or dieting

I am going to cease this article here. Typing all of this is causing me to revisit memories I really do not wish to revisit in depth again.

I would like to conclude… If you are suffering or have suffered from a similar experience, my heart goes out to you.

I hope you are healing. I hope you are seeking support (I should really take my own advice).

And I hope you know, it is not your fault.

Other Personal Reads Of Mine:

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