My extraterrestrial abductions story Part 5
Links to Part 4, Part 3, Part 2, and Part 1.
My mother had passed away in July 2017 after an incredible 2 years battle with cancer. I had put my own struggles to the side for that long and it was now time to face my demons head on. I told my father I would take some time off work to take a trip somewhere. I needed help. I needed a change of scenery. But where?
I felt I would like to be around some wilderness. I remembered a coworker once telling me, since I love hiking, that I would like Peru. I looked into it and the Sacred Valley was very appealing. I liked the idea of strolling around ancient ruins. Then out of the blue, I am still not sure why it even crossed my mind, but I searched the internet to see if there was something shamanic I could participate in. I wanted to know, since I was very much into holistic healing at this point, if there was something that could help me with my symptoms. And this, is how I came to know about ayahuasca, one of the most potent psychedelic in the world.
Ayahuasca is a plant medicine used within different rainforest tribes of South America. The plant is turned into a brew by a shaman or curandero, then ingested for either divination, sacred ceremony or healing. There are now many retreat centers hosting ceremonies for people just like me, who are seeking healing outside the typical western medical world or New Age spiritual souls on a quest. For those who don’t know, ayahuasca can make you purge. She can show you things buried deep into your psyche. Patterns of unhealthy relationships and traumas and invites you to let it go, which makes you vomit. It is not always the case, but for most people, it is.
I remember it so vividly. It was a Sunday and I couldn’t peel my eyes off the computer screen. I was researching everything I could. Listening to people’s trip reports, healing journeys, retreat centers. I read it all. I knew right there and then it was for me. For the first time in years I felt a jolt of happiness. Like there was hope after all. I found a retreat center that was right in the Amazon Rainforest, and figured this is it. This is the place I know it.
The next day I went to work and call it reality or else but fear started to creep in. What was I thinking? Going in the jungle, all alone, to drink the most potent medicine in the world??? I am post traumatic as fuck, I can barely make a grocery list, and now I am going to plan an actual trip? But a little voice from the depth of my being creeped in and said: “Trust your initial reaction”.
And so in March 2018, after months of careful planning, I took off to Peru for an Indiana Jones with a psychedelic expansion pack journey. The first part of my trip was a nice 10 days organized tour throughout the Sacred Valley. We visited many ancient ruins, an animal sanctuary, and of course, Machu Picchu. It was nice to interact with other travellers. I was fascinated to know some of them had been backpacking for months. A part of me wished it was me.
Then came the main event, my ayahuasca retreat. I left the cool breeze off the biggest mountains I had ever seen and landed it hot and humid Iquitos. I had a few days to explore before it was time to go so I took the opportunity to visit a couple of animal sanctuaries. I met with other people who had just returned from their retreat and it was nice to hear about their experiences.
So the day came and the other people I would be spending the next 8 days with all got inside a bus. From there, we would take a 2 hours drive outside of Iquitos, then take a boat ride for another 2 hours right on the Amazon river. The boat ride was fascinating. We eventually left the main river and took a smaller channel. We were surrounded by a wall of jungle on each side. Monkeys were playing in the trees. There was no signs of civilization. It was incredible.
The retreat was 8 days long for a total of 5 ceremonies.
We spent the first day getting familiar with the facility, the staff and each other. There was people who had travel from as far as England and Germany to be there. It felt really special, like a meeting of the minds. I mean committing to ayahuasca is an unorthodox move in itself, so it was nice to be around people with similar struggles and an openness to seek comfort beyond the well travelled path. Then it was ceremony time.
We finally entered the ceremonial maloka where there was mattresses perfectly put in a circle. We all had a nice blanket and pillow, and the infamous puke bucket. In the center there was a little table with candles burning, which would be put out later since the ceremonies are held in the dark, so you can see your visions. We all sat on our mats, patiently waiting for the shamans to enter. They came, sat with us, sang prayers and Icaros into the medicine and started to call each one of us, one by one. My turn came, I sat in front of them, thanked them for sharing their medicine and healing with me. They passed me a cup, I set my intentions and drank the most vile and bitter tasting brew I ever came across. I went back and lay on my mat, not having a clue of what would happen next.
Soon enough I closed my eyes and just out of seemingly nowhere, colours started to appeared, melting and dancing. I could have been scared but felt safe. It was like an inner knowing that my perception of reality was about to take a wild ride but it was all temporary. I would come back to normal. So with that, I completely surrendered and it was beautiful. My mother came to talk to me. Now mind you, I was still crippled with apathy, so my ability to feel emotions up until that point was almost non existent. But under the medicine, I could feel everything. I felt the love my mother had for me and started crying. I had not been able to feel her love in a long time due to my PTSD and it was a big regret of mine. To not have been able to have healed fast enough to feel her love one more time. But here she was, with the help of ayahuasca, showing me how close she held me to her heart. I bursted in tears. I couldn’t stop crying. Then she left and Mother Earth came. She showed me all kinds of things. I was interacting with the insect’s world, learning about cycles all while my fellow psychonauts were puking their guts off, crying or giggling. It lasted a few hours and by midnight I was landing nicely.
The next morning, we had breakfast followed by a sharing circle, lunch, a long break, then a flower bath to get us ready for the next ceremony.
Now I am not going to drag this along. During my other ceremonies I had one night where I did purged. It was related to a past relationship with a trouble men. I was also visited by beings who came next to me in a canoe. They poured something in me and next thing I remember I was swimming in a sea of calmness. I spent the whole night there and couldn’t stop repeating to myself I am calm and I am safe. The last ceremony was finally over, we were all out of the ceremonial maloka when I felt the urge to go lay in my bed. Once there a being came. He almost looked like Groot. He was asking me to come back. I said that was it for me. It was a trip of a lifetime and not a lifestyle. I thanked him, send him love and that was that. So I thought…
No trauma about extraterrestrials abduction showed up. But something changed. Between ceremonies there was a lot of time to talk about all kinds of things. This is where I first started hearing about the New Age movement, spirituality in more depth and all kinds of other things. I had never really considered myself overly spiritual, but my interest was peaked nonetheless.
So I came back to Canada with a new sense of hope, yet, my PTSD symptoms were still very much present. As the effect of the medicine faded away, my apathy was still sucking the life out of me and my quality of sleep a joke. But ayahuasca was still not done with me. She had just merely began…
There is a door of perception that had been open and never fully closed afterwards. What followed was a series of events and phenomenas that made me question not only my sanity, but made me wondered if I should perhaps commit myself to a psychiatric ward.
To follow….
continue to Part 6
Thank you for taking the time to read my story. I have committed myself to write one article and vow to keep doing so until it is all out so your patience is greatly appreciated.
Much Love
Izzy🕊✨
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With kind regards
Izzy🕊✨
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