My Dog Is a Voyeur and I Don’t Know How to Stop Him

My sex life has three participants: me, my partner, and my dog.

Three years ago, I rescued a sweet, staffie dog. He changed my life for the best, in every aspect. My mental health improved drastically (I was going through a rough patch), and I became physically more active. Overall, I became happier.

I love my dog. But he’s an asshole.

It’s true that I spoil him — I let him sleep in my bed, and on my lap despite his 23 kilos, and his will often beats mine.

He suffered enough in the kennel and probably before that, so I want him to be as happy as possible. That, and the fact I love to spoil him.

Yet, I’m strict with him, this is not anarchy! There are rules and limits that he, as a good, and obedient boy, complies with. Except for one: for the life of me, I can’t change his voyeurism tendencies.

Every time I have sex, my dog stares at us

Actually, it gets worse. Not only he stares at us, as he licks our feet and legs the moment they are out of the bed.

You see, my dog is a licker. Everybody says it’s a breed trait. Usually, I don’t mind; as long as he doesn’t lick me in the mouth, it’s fine.

But c’mon, licking my feet and legs when I’m having sex?

And I can’t find a way for him to stop being a voyeur!

I live in a tiny studio flat. My partner nicknamed it “the shoebox”. Yes, it’s that small.

My living room, which is also a (minuscule) home office and my bedroom (I have a daybed), doesn’t have the alternative of putting the dog in “another room” because … well, there’s no other room. The bathroom door doesn’t close properly.

This was supposed to be temporary accommodation, but living as close to London as I do, the rents are astronomic. So, my dog and I are happy in our shoebox. Except when I want to have sex.

When my partner stays over, it’s not that weird regarding the dog. I bribe him with peanut butter in his kong, which leaves him distracted in his bed, for about twenty minutes. But after the last lick on his treat, he jumps on the bed (fortunately, a king-size one when open) and lays there, looking at me and my partner having sex.

But the worse is yet to come…

My dog takes revenge if I kicked him out of the bedroom

When we’re staying at my partner’s (which happens more often), my dog gets to be a bigger asshole.

He’s an obedient dog, so he knows from day one he’s not allowed in my partner’s bed. He doesn’t jump. So what does he do? He sits on the floor, staring at us. The all freaking time we’re having sex!

But he doesn’t stay still, no way! He sits on the left side of the bed; then he goes around and sits on the right side, and so on. And the last touch? He lays his head on the mattress and looks at us with a “what u doin?” expression.

By now, my partner and I only look at him once we’re done. It’s too distracting looking at him, his face is hilarious.

But the damn dog doesn’t stop here. Remember when I told you he was a licker? What I didn’t tell you is that he has a foot fetish. Every night, he falls asleep licking my feet. And if someone is barefoot near him… yep, licking, licking, licking.

This means that every time my partner or I are out of the bed (having standing up sex, or me laying down and him on his feet), the bloody dog comes and shamelessly licks our legs and feet!

And if we’re on the bed and our feet peek out of the mattress… yep, you guessed: licking.

I can’t give him the peanut butter because the bedroom has carpet.

The funny thing is that when my partner and I are having kinky sex — with him spanking me or whipping me — the bloody dog does nothing!

Not that I wanted him to attack my partner, but… some reaction? Nope, he just stares, curious.

You should be thinking: why don’t you kick the dog out of the bedroom?

I tried it, he’s not that spoiled.

The result of the times I did it? He pooped on my partner’s living room. And one time he peed on the TV standing; it splashed all over.

My partner loves his place tidy and clean. Having dog shit and pee around, it’s a nightmare for him. So, he prefers a voyeur dog in the bedroom than a shitter.

If you have any suggestion on how can I make my dog stop being a voyeur, I’m all ears.

Until then, I’ll continue to have sex with a dog staring at me and licking our feet at any opportunity he gets.

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