My Cats Are Disappointed in Me
Xander and Anya have definite ideas about how to celebrate feline holidays.
The following note was left open on my computer. My cats made eye contact and then stalked away as only cats can.
Forgetting to celebrate National Cat Day was a mistake. I may need to break out the tuna for dinner.
I knew Anya hung out on the laptop. When did her typing get so accurate?
The article Important Cat Holiday Dates on the Catological website was also open in my browser. I believe that is the source of the dates included in this note.
Dear Warm Lap:
Today I noticed you looking at the National Cat Day website. The screen said that October 29th was National Cat Day. This was only a couple of days ago. Where was our celebration?
This holiday is obviously the most important one on the global holiday calendar. We are so disappointed in you.
In the end, we have decided to issue a list of the holidays we expect to celebrate in the future. We have included our requirements for the celebration.
January 2nd — National Pet Health Travel Safety Day
We don’t like to travel. We would like tuna treats instead.
February 27th — World Spay Day
The Humane Society runs an awareness campaign for this one. We don’t need to celebrate it.
March 17th — St. Gertrude of Nivelles, Patron Saint of Cats
In 1677, Pope Clement XII declared this date an annual feast day. Please serve tuna.
April 1st — Xander’s birthday
For dessert, Xander requests a pile of treats. Salmon are his favorites.
I would like to gift him a small catnip-filled cloth mouse. Please buy and wrap this for him.
April 6th — National Siamese Cat Day
We would like to stand with our Siamese brothers and sisters by indulging in a salmon treat on that day.
April — Prevention of Cruelty to Animals Month
In order to avoid any unfortunate April Fool’s Day misunderstandings, we will celebrate on the 10th.
We will each require a small catnip-filled cloth toy.
May 1st — My birthday
I would like tuna for my birthday meal followed by a game of laser tag. A feather toy would be nice if you are thinking of a gift.
May 3 and May 30th — National Hug Your Cat Day
There is some confusion on whether this holiday falls on the 3rd or the 30th. Let’s not confuse the issue. We can celebrate on both days. Perhaps chicken treats on the 3rd and tuna on the 30th.
June — Adopt a Cat Shelter Month
We would like to support felines who have not found their forever homes. Donate a few cans of food to the shelter. There are some cans of duck we aren’t crazy about. Donate those.
August 8th — World Cat Day
This is also a day to raise awareness of homeless and stray cats. We would like to gift the feral cats in our area a few cans of tuna. Take care of that for us.
August 22nd — Take Your Cat to the Vet Day
This one doesn’t need to be celebrated. Don’t bother putting it on the calendar. Why did we include this?
September — Happy Cat Month
We would be very happy if during the month we had more, not less, cans of tuna.
October 27th — National Black Cat Day
Let’s celebrate our cousins with a can of ocean fish and tuna. Tuna is the best.
October 29th — National Cat Day
Of course, this is the most important holiday of all. We should celebrate with extra treats and tuna. Tuna is the best. Did I say that before? Never mind. Tuna is the best.
November — Adopt a Senior Cat Month
Let’s celebrate by donating a couple of cat beds to the shelter. Xander suggests a treat or two in recognition of our generosity wouldn’t go amiss.
You have always been a decent human. You’ve offered a warm lap and good food. We appreciate the hummingbird feeders placed where we can see them through the window.
We are sure this oversight will never happen again. Xander and I would hate to have to address this matter a second time.
Sincerely,
Anya and Xander
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