Summary

"Dear Xander" is a feline advice column addressing concerns about human behavior and pet care, such as the absence of a beloved human friend and the necessity of veterinary visits.

Abstract

The "Dear Xander" column serves as a humorous and insightful guide for cats, offering advice on dealing with the complexities of human behavior. The first query comes from a cat missing its human friend, Ms. Vickey, and Xander responds with possible reasons for her absence, including a move or a new cat in her life. Xander suggests showing distress to the remaining human to possibly gain more treats. The second question is from a cat anxious about visits to "Dr. Lucy," a veterinarian, where despite the discomfort of check-ups and treatments, the cat receives extra attention and treats from its human afterward. Xander empathizes with the confusion over these visits but advises leveraging the situation for additional rewards post-visit.

Opinions

Xander acknowledges the confusion and distress cats feel when their routines are disrupted by human actions, such as the absence of a frequent visitor.
The column implies that humans often make decisions that are inscrutable to cats, such as moving homes or changing their visiting patterns.
Xander suggests that showing distress can be an effective strategy for cats to gain more attention and treats from their humans.
There is a recognition that while veterinary visits are uncomfortable, they serve an important, albeit unclear, purpose in a cat's health and well-being.
Xander humorously advises cats to "milk the guilt" of their humans after unpleasant experiences like vet visits to receive extra treats and wet food as compensation.
The column reflects a feline perspective that humans are sometimes to be tolerated for the benefits they provide, such as treats and medical care.

Dear Xander: Missing a Human Friend

A feline advice column for other felines

Dear Xander is an advice column from a feline, for feline readers.

Xander is always in need of questions to answer.

If you have a question for Xander, please leave it in the comments and he will answer in a future column.

“Missing someone and not being able to see them is the worst feeling ever.” Nathanael Richmond

Dear Xander:

My human friend Ms. Vickey has not come to visit near as much anymore. I’m sure my human mama is telling me something, I just don’t know what.

I really like Ms. Vickey, even though she kisses me on my head.

Where did my friend go?

Dear WDMFG:

Humans are confusing. They seem to spend a lot of time away from the house when it makes more sense to spend all your time in the house. Where do they go? It is a mystery we have been wondering about ever since the first one began living near humans.

Since you ask why Ms. Vickey hasn’t come to visit you, it is obvious this human doesn’t live in your home. She must have her own home.

Sometimes humans change homes. Maybe your human friend moved homes and is now far away. That would make it difficult to come to visit you as often.

My humans changed homes a long time ago. We didn’t understand why but it all worked out. The new home has a nice window for watching birds and a fancy cat tree.

There are other possibilities. One that comes to mind: she may have been chosen by her own feline. That cat might not let her visit as often due to her responsibilities to her feline overlord.

If this is true, her feline is selfish not to allow her to spend time with other cats. Unfortunately, we’ve all met one of those self-centered types.

My advice, cuddle with your human more. Show you are disturbed, and you may be able to leverage for a few more treats.

Xander

Dear Xander:

My female human put me in a blue box that usually means I must go in the car. I fought hard. She even pushed my head in!

I go to that place where my human calls the lady Dr. Lucy.

Dr. Lucy is very gentle and nice to me. She even gives me treats. Unfortunately, she still pokes and sticks me with sharp things.

Why do my humans torture me so, by taking me to this place?

Thanks.

Sick of being poked

Dear SOBP:

Anya and I also visit Dr. Lucy! I like her but often she or one of the other humans there poke us, too.

What is up with that? I’m not sure. My human acts like somehow this is good for me. It doesn’t feel good.

I have noticed most of these visits come when I have been feeling sick or my teeth hurt. After getting poked and stuck with something pointy, I seem to feel better. Eventually. Not right away. Anya thinks it is connected.

Sometimes human behavior is hard to decipher. This might be one of those times. Even though Anya says it is important to go there and cooperate, I’m not completely convinced.

It is strange that Anya says that anyway. She is usually the one hiding under chairs when we go there.

I take her advice, though. I like Dr. Lucy and the other ladies there, so it isn’t too hard. They like to pet me and tell me I’m beautiful.

Basically, I don’t have a great answer for you. I’m not sure why we have to go there.

I have found, however, that whenever we come back from that place my human gives us extra wet food and treats. It is as if she is trying to make it up to us.

If that is true, I say milk the guilt for all it is worth. Make sure you let your human understand how upset the visit has made you and see if more treats show up. If you leverage it right, you could get extra treats for a few days after the visit.

Hang in there and enjoy those extra treats!

Xander

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