My Best Friend Lent Me Her Lover

If sharing is caring, the two of us care a lot!

Our closest friends are those with whom we can share everything; our deepest, darkest dreams, thoughts, fears and wishes. Still, there are limits to what we share, especially physically. While most don’t go as far as swopping toothbrushes, some of us go even further.

My best friend and neighbor, Talia, who I met a few years ago through the local BDSM scene, share everything:

We borrow each other’s clothes and sexy accessories for parties.

She just borrowed some fishnet stay-ups from me, and I’m currently ‘leasing’ her Doxy Magic Wand.

A few times I’ve lent her my home to have a date and sleepover with her lover, while my daughter and I crash at her place to watch her two children. In turn, she’ll have my kid over on a Sunday to give me time for an ‘afternoon delight’.

As busy, fellow-parents who both cherish good sex, we do what we can to give each other the occasional time and space for self-care.

Obviously, we do normal stuff too; we water each other’s plants when the other is on holiday, we pick up extras from the grocery store, fold each other’s laundry and cook family lunches together on weekends.

We check up on each other regularly.

We look out for each other’s mental health and physical safety. If one of us doesn’t respond within a reasonable amount of time, we become alarmed.

As naturally and fluently as we do all of those things, we share sex tips and stories, run possible matches and hookups by each other. You might say we’re pretty tight!

But, it doesn’t stop there.

We’ve had a handful of group experiences together.

She’s joined me and a lover and I’ve joined her and her’s. I’ve gone down on her, she’s fisted me. You know, all the things really good friends do for each other, and then some…

None of these things change how we feel about each other. We’ll share a bed one night, and a coffee the next day. Nothing ever gets weird or affects the nature of our relationship.

I was still surprised when she offered me her lover for a night.

I had recently ended things with someone and was missing the intimacy, like crazy. The dating apps were proving fruitless and I dreaded the meaningless and potentially disappointing hookups. Besides, I didn’t want to date someone new, I simply wanted sex. Not just any kind of sex though; good sex with someone who knew what they were doing—with no strings attached.

I was complaining to Talia and she immediately offered a solution:

— Why don’t you borrow Max for a night?

— What? Are you really offering me your boyfriend?

— Yeah! He’s horny, I’m PMSing and in a bit of a lull, so he wants more than I’m up for. Besides, I like the idea of you two together: I trust both of you, and I know where I have you, so why not?

— Very interesting offer… I have to think about it though.

I should add that the three of us had already had a threesome, so I knew him intimately. We were attracted physically, and liked each other as friends, but had no mutual interests beyond that. Emotionally, the scenario felt safe for all of us: Just sex, with no potential misunderstandings or complications after.

Talia also has a bit of a cuckquean fetish and likes to watch her partner with another lover—as long as she feels respected by the other woman. With me, she definitely did.

I texted her back.

—Are you 100% sure that you’re not going to feel weird about this after?

—100%!

—Swear?

—Pinky swear!

—Ok, then I’m taking you up on your offer. But you have to promise because you’re a million times more important to me than sex. I wouldn’t risk our relationship for anything.

—Same! And I wouldn’t offer if I wasn’t sure.

Sex can be sacred. Sex can be fun.

I believe that sex has the potential to be one of the most sacred things we can share with someone. I don’t take it lightly, and I’d much rather have no sex than mediocre sex.

At the same time, after opening up and roaming in sex-positive circles, I’ve come to realize that sex can also be fun and satisfying without a profound emotional connection. The two don’t have to be mutually exclusive but can be if you want them to.

Sharing sexual experiences with friends, acquaintances or even strangers who hold similar views can be incredibly enriching and meaningful—just in a different way.

For me, it’s all about curating my experiences and choosing them as mindfully as I can. And while I don’t always succeed, my intention is always there.

Intention—and what you bring to it while making sure everyone partaking are on the same page—is what it’s all about.

This time, my intention was to have fun and great sex and to satiate my longing for intimacy without deep emotional involvement.

Casual sex had never been more casual.

Talia sent us a group message and moments later Max and I were making plans.

The same evening, he came over with a bottle of wine. We chatted lightly and shared a glass before proceeding to the bedroom.

We both chuckled at the absurdity of the situation but enjoyed how easy going and light it was.

The experience was exactly what I expected it to be.

We’re both confident and adventurous, and we knew what the other wanted. It was straight forward, and hot at the same time—just what I needed!

When his alarm rang at dawn the next day, he slipped into his work clothes and snook out, while I hopped in the shower, satisfied and ready for a new day.

Talia and I had decided to meet for a coffee to debrief, and her bright face and open arms met me for a hug at the door.

—So…how was it?

—Well… great! I guess I should say thank you?! How do you feel today?

—I’m good… I have to admit it was a bit strange going to sleep last night, knowing you two were ‘getting it on’ a block away. But, it was also really hot!

—I still can’t believe this. You’re pretty damn amazing, I hope you know that!

And so it went. We giggled, gossipped and then went on with our days.

Over a year has passed since our arrangement.

We never repeated the ordeal; that little pick-me-up was all it took to get out of a slump I was in. Talia and Max have gone separate ways since, for different reasons, but her and I stay the closest of friends.

We continue to support, help, listen and share in whatever ways that we can—mostly in all the normal ways that friends do—and occasionally the less-than-ordinary.

There’s not a lot the two of us wouldn’t do for each other, and I’m blessed to have a friend with whom I can honestly say that I share absolutely everything!